Holiday plans

Christmastime brings such excitement. And work. I'm happy to say that, for the first time in memory, I had my Christmas shopping done before December! It's interesting though--the time gets filled up with things to do anyhow. Is it that there is more to do than ever or do I create things to do that I didn't have time for before. Busy-ness, in my case, is often a curse, leaving me little time to relax and just think. Lately I've been thinking about thinking a lot.

One of my goals this Christmas was to do a pastel of the nativity, with my grandchildren in the picture. I worked on that for hours, as there were many faces to try and capture. I've learned that pastels are not very good for fine detail or small figures. But I finally completed the picture and made an additional one of the three kings (one of them a queen) to include all 19 of my babes. It is not my best artistic creation but is a nice sentiment and hope the grandchildren get a kick out of trying to find themselves in the drawings.

Winter has arrived in our sunny California spot. A week ago, our early morning sleep was interrupted by lights shining in our bedroom window. It was a little annoying! But as we looked outside, snowflakes filled our view! Our house was surrounded by snow! The grandchildren downstairs turned on all the outside lights and were playing in the snow. When dawn arrived it exposed snow covered hills and snow dust everywhere. It was magical! It has been cold and wintry every day since.

Our Mongolian daughter, Brynn, is here visiting. She is a lovely girl with a decidedly American point of view. I believe that she will stay in our country for good. It is such fun to have someone to philosophize with. She and I have explained the human world very clearly to one another and I believe we have just about everything figured out! At least we talked enough to have done so. I love having my chance at discussing ideas. Layne isn't too interested in such things so I have to take advantage of talking partners when they come my way.

I've decided that I am definitely a morning person. I want to get everything worth doing done by lunch. I have been a little frustrated at that effort with my mom here. She needs lots of help in the morning, especially on bathing days. So I hired one of our foster daughters, Michelle Montandon, to get Mom up in the mornings, until the end of the year. It has been great. Now I can attack the day with my agenda as early in the morning as I wish. It is a gift!

Mom seems to be losing a little ground. She resists things that take effort more often now. She seems weaker and less inclined to do things. I wonder if I should be exercising her more, and doing more with her. How do I fit everything in: Mom, hub, kids, grandkids, projects, house chores, errands, Church assignments, and on and on? So here's the deal: empty nests are not really empty at all. Does life ever open up into absolute leisure? I think not. As long as a body can move and think, there is something worthwhile to do. I guess I like it that way.

Pictures from top: pastel of the grandchildren in the nativity; snow in our back yard; Brynn with Layne, me and Mom; Michelle in her working mode.

Giving Thanks

I am trying to develop the habit of looking at life from a positive side. It usually isn't too hard for me as my life seems to be full of many good things. But I sometimes get a bit mired in the underside of things. We have a lovely view from our house on a hill. We are surrounded, from horizon to horizon, with sky. It is easy to see the cycle of the heavens from here. We see the storms move in; the stars at night are bright and distinct; a full moon lights up our little hill and floods our bedroom with a soft radiance. The hills surround our spot. They are a lovely mix of brown and green at the moment. In summary, our view of the world is beautiful. That is, it is beautiful when one looks beyond our own immediate yard. The area around our home is mostly clay soil with a few stubborn weeds that don't mind the harsh conditions of wind and clay. If I concentrate on that view it leads me in a darker direction. I am prone to complain of no lovely growing things and a rather depressing vision. Both views are a reality. But concentrating on the distant beauty surely does make me a lot happier. Besides, having no fussy plants to speak of makes playing in those places a worry-free experience. So I suppose I am trying to say that there are really two universes; one is filled with beauty and one is not. Why not choose the beauty?

This Thanksgiving was our year for family. Christmas will find our kids with the other side of the family. So everyone gathered at our house for Thanksgiving this past week, except for Gerald and his family in Taiwan. That makes 16 grandchildren all under one roof. Most of them stayed for two nights in addition to our holiday. It was a wild and crazy time. Anticipating all of those babes makes for some important preparation and quite a bit of clean-up after the party is over. But the joy of having everyone outweighs all the negatives. Jessica and her family came from Seattle; that was a treat. Of course with all those life forms running about at once there isn't much opportunity for individual bonding. But there is magic is watching the family interact. My mind feasts on that.

Mom told me that she has lately been thanking the Lord for her stroke. "Why?", I asked. She said that it has brought her family closer to her and so it is worth it to her. I suppose it is possible to be grateful for the struggles in life. I'm working on that idea. I gave a talk in Sacrament meeting today on gratitude. It reminds me that a daily counting of blessings puts me in a universe of optimism. We can pick our universe. I like being in a positive place.

Pictures: top is our Thanksgiving buffet with Ben's Jessica the most prominent disher. middle is part of our gang relaxing in the living room. Bottom picture is of our Jessica's hub Chris flying his model in the back yard with grandsons Isaiah and James watching.

The Thing about Goals

When I was a little girl I often planned what I thought would be perfect days. Sadly, most of those plans remained unfulfilled. It seems to me that many ideas and dreams are like that. At least it is so for me. I have a list of things I want to accomplish. I start most of them but finish few of them. But I must announce that I have finished my mother's autobiography! It gives me such joy to say that I have finished something I have dreamed of doing for so long. Her book sits beside me at this moment as a tribute to one goal met.

I've accomplished another small goal as well. I've decided that I will hang my own art upon the few places our home walls offer. I finished one of the drawings I want to hang. It is of sunflowers. After making 4 drawings of sunflowers I believe I'm finished with them. I also want to try my hand at creating a nativity picture with my grandchildren as the models in the picture. I took some pictures of them with candlelight reflected on their faces. We'll see if I can come up with what is in my mind to do.

Our friend Elaine is back home in Colorado. She has generously offered to send me the items of Mom's that I forgot to pack. It seems that there is always a rescue for my mishaps. I'm grateful for that. Mom is recovered from our trip here, I believe. She has been alert and perky for the past few days. There are things I'd like to do for her to make her life better but the days pass and I don't do them. So I sat down with her and we made a plan for exercising every part of her, from body to mind. With a list in hand I am hoping that I can grab hold of the time we have together and make it work for us. Time. It seems to be a gift or a curse. I aim to learn how to use it to make more of my goals become reality. Here's to making time a gift.

Bottom picture is of grandsons Timothy, William and Vincent posing for me by candlelight.

She's Back

Our last two and a half weeks without Mom went by fast. Layne and I flew into Denver on Thursday morning. We landed in the middle of a snow storm! October, and snow everywhere. We admired it for awhile (well...I did; Layne doesn't care much for snow), until we discovered that the flight we hoped for into Grand Junction was canceled. Not only that flight but all following through the afternoon. We didn't have a chance of getting into Grand Junction that day.

So I talked Layne into renting a car and driving from Denver to Cedaredge. He was exhausted from several nights with little sleep so he was very easy to influence. We rented a four wheel drive SUV and headed out. We drove through the Rockies and on into Grand Junction and then Cedaredge. It took us about 5 hours. I loved the drive! Everywhere we looked it was beautiful. I believe I have done that drive before, when very young, but it felt like a new thing for me this time. Of course I was the passenger and thus able to take in the sights with my full attention. God has truly blessed this land.

We arrived at Mom's house just after dark to find all well there, thanks to our friends the Palmers. Sister Maryanne left earlier in the day for home and the Palmers were staying with Mom until our arrival. It was all very rushed, but still pleasant. It was cold in Colorado! Winter had definitely arrived there. The next morning, Friday, we hurriedly packed up Mom's stuff, filling her car to the brim, and took off. Layne drove the rental care to the Grand Junction airport while I loaded Mom and picked up our friend, Elaine Conlan, who was coming with us for a visit to California. We picked up Layne at the airport and our drive to California began.

We drove 9 hours our first day. We made lots of potty stops but Mom held herself in check until we reached our motel in Elko, Nevada. What a woman. I couldn't have done that under any circumstances. But she repeated her performance the next day. We arrived home by 6 PM on Halloween. It was still light! It was a fun trip, full of all sorts of conversation, thanks to Elaine, a cute, red-headed talker. As we moved along I could not help but think of how difficult such a trip was a few generations ago. I'm so thankful to be able to move through space in sweet comfort, with all sorts of snacks and good company. Life is so sweet.

Growing Things

We will have had a bit over two weeks home from Colorado before leaving to return there, pack Mom up and bring her home with us. I had big plans for that time; it is the last we will have alone for some time. Of course the time flew by. But I've accomplished at least some of my plans, and one surprising one. I've finished my Christmas shopping! Gifts for 16 grandchildren--done! I'm so proud of myself. I've dreamed of doing this year after year and this year, I've made it. My granddaughter, Allegra, assisted me by reminding me of the interests of each grandchild. What a little lady to be so involved with her cousins that she could advise me with great insights.

Our yard of growing and dying things is looking a bit better. Layne has been working hard and I've been working quite a bit less than that trying to get the yard ready for winter rains. We've got more trees planted and hope to put in a few more plants within this next month. Maybe we will have a yard before too long. At the moment the living things are outnumbering the dead ones; that is always a good sign. Our little kitty, Cherry, keeps us company in the yard during all the quiet moments. She has become something of a yard mascot, as she follows us everywhere. She's a people kind of cat. I love her. The hills beyond our yard are turning a beautiful green, thanks to our early rains. The most beautiful time of the year has begun!

This week has been hectic and lovely. Grandkids were here, running through the house and generally perking things up. Grandson Scott helped with our yard project. Scouts were here, using our yard as a camp ground. It is fun to have the place filled with life forms.

On Saturday I did some face painting at a stake Halloween Carnival. I was not especially looking forward to it as I know so few people here. But, during one of my painting breaks, I ran into some Fremont friends. It was such fun catching up on their lives and laughing together over mutual memories.

We visited our old stake today, as we spoke in a Fremont ward this morning. How wonderful to be among old friends. I have come to appreciate friends that share a long history with us; who know us and love us in a familiar, affectionate kind of way. I love our new place, and the new friends we are making but it is the old friends that I find I most treasure. I didn't realize how much I would miss them once we left our familiar home base.

My life is full of life of all sorts; changing, growing kinds of life. I find it fills my soul with a quiet happiness.

Pictures: top is grandson Timothy, who visited us this past weekend with his brothers. He is the youngest child of our son Reed. He is Carmen's brother. The other picture shows Layne getting ready to plant some oak trees that he grew from seed. We are hoping they will love their spot, as trees planted before them did not.

The Races of Life

Our month with my mom is over. We are home once again, for a couple of weeks. While we were in Colorado Audrey and 4 of the grandkids visited us. We had such fun together. While they were there our neighbors, Bev and Ernie Trutner also came for a visit. We had a great bond. We went from quiet, peaceful days with Mom to busy and wild times. I liked both.

While all of this company was with us, we drove to Lisbon Valley, Mom's girlhood home. It is a haunting, beautiful place. Mom's cabin homes are still there. Also there are the graves of her father and brother. Several years ago she bought a gravestone for her brother, Larry. She has been anxious ever since to place it on his grave. We finally arranged it and went there with that errand in mind. Two of my nephews met us there. We spent the afternoon placing the stone and wandering the property. It was, as usual, quite wonderful. I especially wanted the grandchildren to see the place. I believe they enjoyed it. It was a sweet moment to observe my mom watching her family place the stone on Larry's grave, according to her instructions. Her anxiety over this errand was at last put to rest. I was happy to be a part of that.

Layne and I came home last Monday. It took all day as flights into and out of Denver were packed all day. But we were lucky and made it home in one day. Good thing. Tuesday the heavens opened in a big way. Wind and rain filled the day. I've never seen a storm like that one here; it rained ALL DAY! Trees blew down and water was everywhere. Our three cisterns, used to collect rainwater, all filled to overflowing. I love this kind of weather. Layne donned his bright yellow raincoat and waded out into the storm to rescue some of the trees that were blowing out of their ties. It was all pretty exciting. It is Sunday now and you'd just about never know there was a storm as our days are now warm and friendly.

It feels like we are racing through life! I wish I could hold time back a little. There is much to be done before we head back to Colorado to bring Mom home with us for the winter. We'll fly back on the 28th and drive home with her, arriving on Halloween. Then she will be our girl until Spring. These are interesting times with Mom. I miss the vibrant, talkative woman she was, but still enjoy her. I feel a great need to care properly for her as I feel that she is a noble woman and deserves to live in a generous environment. So I pray for generosity!

The pictures above are out of order. The top one is of Mom looking at the placement of her brother's gravestone, shown in the picture under hers. Next is Layne in his yellow rain gear out in our Tuesday storm. At the bottom is Audrey and me with grandchildren Scott, Allegra, James and Isaiah in shirts we got for participating in a walkathon at Apple Fest, a harvest celebration held each October in Cedaredge. We had such fun!

You Never Know

More and more I identify with my mom's frustrations. Imagine, if you can, being without the use of your right leg and arm, your emotions being "flattened", your mind less able to hold onto all that it is used to thinking about. It is a depressing condition to be in. One could easily wonder what in the world is the use of going on. It is hard now to know what Mom is thinking. She speaks much less often. But her determination to improve and function as she once did such a short time ago is amazing and exemplary. I try to duplicate her therapy on the days the therapist is not here. She does all I ask her to do. She surprised us a couple of days ago with her progress. As I looked into her face, it seemed to me that her eyes were especially sparkly. Instead of asking her if she wanted to rest, I asked her if she wanted to walk. She said she did. So we set her up with her walker in the kitchen. Away she went, walking around her long island counter not just once, as usual, but three times! She wasn't finished; she then walked up her ramp into the family room. Then we went outside and she walked half way down the barn yard to inspect the newly stacked hay. But she still wasn't done. She then walked on the grass in the backyard. We were amazed at her! While in all probability she will not walk much most of the time, we simply do not know! She may yet surprise us all and achieve her dream of walking freely. I'm not going to tell her it can't be done!

Fall is coming. The colors are turning. I notice them each morning that I go walking with my Colorado friend, Elaine. Fall is a magical time here. The colors simply take you away to a better place! I hope we are here to see the peak of Colorado color. With it comes cooler weather. While our California family roasts in record heat, it is sweater weather here. In fact, there have been several days when I could not get warm. We even lit the wood stove. But fall brings ups and downs. It is warming up again.

I've been working to finish Mom's life story. There is just picture arranging to go. I created a family tree for her book. It turned out so nicely I thought I'd put a copy here.

Apple Fest is coming to Cedaredge, next weekend. It is a city celebration of the apple harvest. Audrey, Allegra, Isaiah, James and Scott are coming for it. Our neighbors, Bev and Ernie Trutner are coming also the end of this week. We have enjoyed our solitude with Mom but anticipate with excitement these upcoming visits.

Weather Aventures

I hear that there is a heat wave at home. It seems to me that our part of California is rather bland in the weather department. It is hot, it is cold. Cloudy skies stay that way for awhile and clear skies prevail. But in our part of Colorado each day is a climatic adventure. Daily skies are clear, cloudy, rainy, windy, all in a short period of time. At this changing of the seasons some days are quite warm and some are cool. Our excitement for the week was a hail storm, accompanied by lighting and thunder, and wind. Wow, what a thrill! It all came just as light was leaving the day. The hail fell on Mom's metal roof, giving us quite a symphony. We couldn't ignore such a show. The wind blew hail under the front door right on the rug within the porch. You can see the hail in the picture above of Mom's deck, if you look closely. I loved it! Today was a bit calmer with only lightening, rain and thunder. And sunshine lighting up the rain. What a weather adventure!

I'm back to art lessons and loving it. I'm drawing something new just about every day. Here is a sample of one of my pastel drawings. I have to really watch myself because I can become quite lost in a drawing. It is dangerous!

Mom is getting physically stronger. She's walking more and more each day. But I worry about her spirit; she is struggling to find her path now that her old life has been taken from her. I can't quite wrap myself around how difficult it must be to have my body suddenly compromised and unable to perform. The sudden challenge of it has left her in a quandary. She is strong and resilient so I'm hoping that she will find a new purpose. We're working on that.

We've been in Colorado just over a week and the time, as always, rushes by. That seems to be the case no matter where we are or what we are doing.

Two Homes

Our month at home swept past and our time to return to Colorado has come. Layne and I flew to Colorado on Friday via a long wait in the Denver Airport. But happily I had plenty to do so I didn't mind much. Layne loves to sit and watch the people go by. I prefer having a project of some sort. Such could be found on my laptop so I spent lots of time there. What a blessing it is to bring so much information along so easily. The Airport provided the internet connection so the world was open to me from my seat in the waiting area. In spite of the wait, we made it to Colorado before dark. My sister Maryanne has been with Mother for the past month. She is a beat little chicken so it is a good thing that we are here to replace her. She wants me to mention that one reason why she is so tired is because she has been here with Mom alone; no hub to help. I'm mentioning that for her sake.

Mom looks good but I fear that she is losing some of her motivation to improve her situation. I think she may be beginning to settle for what she has got. Not that she is happy about it. She struggles to find meaning in her much more confined life. I feel moved to help her with that. I think one of her purposes could be family history. I'm excited to say that her life story is just about complete and ready to be uploaded and printed into book form. I have what I like to call the "DiVinci" condition. As you may know he had trouble finishing some of his work, most notably the Mona Lisa. He worked on it for seven years and never allowed himself to call it done. He died and then it was "done!" I seem to have the same trouble. As I near completion of various projects I almost always figure out a better way to do them and then I have trouble finishing them the way I started them. Do you follow me here? I'm having that trouble calling Mom's book finished. But I will push myself and do it.....soon.

It is lovely here, as usual. It is a strange thing to say, perhaps, but I enjoy being here almost as much as I enjoy being home. With spending so much time here, this place is beginning to feel like my own place, somewhat. I've organized things here to some extent. So much have I made myself at home that I get confused when I'm in my own home as to where things are! Maryanne has the same problem. Is it a senior thing? Or have we just spent way too much time here!

My Kinda Fun

We live on a gravel pit. There are rocks of all shapes and sizes everywhere! There are the no-good, crumbly kind but the ones that call to me are the firm, polished ones of various colors that lie hidden all over the property. They lie in every direction, hidden like Easter eggs, waiting for me to find them. I can't resist looking for them each time I'm outside. In spite of finding bucket after bucket, each time I look it is as if I had collected none; they are still everywhere. I have a purpose in collecting them. We have an extended dry creek bed that winds from the front of the house, along the south side and into the back yard. Lots of rocks are required. So each weekday morning, before the heat of the day arrives, I go hunting. It is addictive. My goal is to fill a bucket each day. But after one bucket I am usually seduced into filling another. I am the only one in the family who seems to enjoy this. It is so much fun!

I've been slow to get an exercise program going here. It is a sad commentary on my character to admit that, without a motivated companion, I cannot seem to make myself do any kind of physical exercise consistently. I dabble but don't settle. But, when I do exercise, I often just dance. I filled a CD with dance music which offers me a steady stream of rhythmical opportunities. I put on my dancing shoes, turn up the music and dance my way through the morning, often dusting or cleaning the kitchen as I go. A little multi-tasking makes the most of my high-energy moments. I can't seem to convince anyone else in our household that dancing is so much fun!

I did manage to get Layne to watch part of the movie, Emma, with me last night. It has a very romantic ending, which Layne shared with me. He is quite a romantic, you know. He was softened by the sweetness of the moment and it blessed us the rest of our evening together.
The peace of this place offers so many blessings!

Home Ground

I've been working on Mom's life story, with her. It strikes me, as I read her story and look at pictures from her childhood, how brief our stay on earth is. I look at my mom, now unable to be physically active, and see such a beautiful woman. She will soon be 92. Yet, such a short time ago, she was a girl, running through the desert land that was her home. I see my life that way too. We girls are all girls inside; that doesn't seem to change. It is the eternal part of us. I enjoy my time with Mom. Being with her and Layne in Colorado is a disruption of our regular life, but it is nurturing, in its way. Our month there passed quickly. Mom is gaining strength but I believe it is now clear to all of us that she will not be independent again. She hasn't acknowledged that, but I believe she feels it. If only she could feel comfortable with it and redirect her thoughts. She may be starting to.

Above is a picture of Mom in 1943 and again with me and my sister, Maryanne, in 2001.

We came home last Monday. I love my home. It embraced us as we entered Monday evening. Our trip home was, again, via Phoenix. It was the only way to get to San Francisco from Denver, believe it or not, because there are seats in and out of Phoenix. We happened to meet an artist from Montrose, CO, who had our exact travel schedule: Grand Junction to Denver to Phoenix to San Francisco. And she was a paying passenger! The fun thing was that she knew all about using pastels and gave me oodles of ideas.

So, I am passionate about using pastels now. Every day, so far, I have found an hour or so to work on them in my little art studio. I bought a nice set of pastels and am hard at work trying to figure out how to make beautiful pictures. The trouble with passions is that they can eat up your life. I could easily spend all day making pictures and forget all about food and sleep and....all else! I must control myself. There are, of course, many other things to do and most of them are more important than art.

Ah! It is great to be home.

On the Town

Cedaredge is a small country town. So there isn't much shopping to be had here. Our outings have mostly been to the local grocery store and Walmart. Most of my days here I just stay home. There is lots to do at Mom's place and there seems to be no need for more. This past week I did take the time to run a couple of errands. Among them was a trip to the Apple Shed, a collection of shops under one roof (an old apple shed, hence the name). It is an artsy place filled with all sorts of art done by local artists, of which there are many, and also furniture. It is owned by a lovely lady named Connie Williams, a great artist herself. Connie and her husband have an orchard in addition to the Apple Shed and sell their fruit there. I checked on their peaches and wound up buying two big boxes of them! Peaches are our favorite fruit, fresh or bottled. Layne promised to help me bottle them, using canning bottles from Mom's barn. We bottled 12 quarts so far. We'll take them home when we bring Mom home with us in the fall.

On the way home from this outing I drove by an art gallery run by Barbara Torke, one of my favorite local artists. I've passed her place before but this time I felt a strong urge to stop. So I did. In Cedaredge a shop can be anywhere. There is no zoning. So the house down the street can sell anything from donuts to tires. Hence quite a number of homes double as some kind of shop. Most common are antique and art shops. Barbara's place is just a little house turned into a gallery and art shop. I went inside. She was alone so we had a chance to talk. She told me that she teaches art every Thursday and Friday for $15 a lesson. I decided to attend! I've gone to two classes so far, trying to learn how to use pastels. I feel so awkward at it but relish the chance to learn more about it. I love doing it even if I don't like the outcome, which I usually don't. But I lose all track of time when I draw; it absolutely absorbs me. I think that is a good thing, if kept in balance with the rest of my life. I'm so excited! When I am here, from now on, I'm going to take lessons. Who knows where it will take me!

The photos here are samples of my efforts. They need lots of work. But perhaps I'll improve with practice. One more week here and we head for home. It has passed quickly.

The Pleasure of Words

I think just about every situation presents possibilities and opportunities. Mom's lifestyle has been cut off; she now must concentrate on making her body do the simple things she took for granted all of her life. "Not fair", it is easy to think. While it is hard to see her struggle, I have a feeling that she is simply being redirected for a time. I have been pondering what that redirection might be. After all, she is still blessed with a perfectly good mind and the ability to express herself. I am beginning to feel that this time is an opportunity to get her thoughts recorded. The more I think about it, the stronger I feel. So we are working every day on finishing her life story. Then I want her to help write Daddy's story. There is a posterity to bless. I would hate to lose her without something written of her for future generations. She is a noble soul who has lived benevolently. Her experiences should be shared. I'm finding great joy in recording her story.

I have been worrying that Mom is beginning to give up trying to get stronger. But yesterday she walked twice as far as before! She seemed so spirited! She did everything much better than usual. We have been working hard on her biography; perhaps that fills her with more enthusiasm and motivation for the physical effort now required of her. Maybe she needs a stronger sense of purpose behind her efforts.

This place immerses me in it. I don't often think beyond here. I miss home but not as much as I thought I would. We have two more weeks with Mom and I find that I'm looking forward to it. There is time everyday to relax and do something or nothing. Layne works on the computer every day, organizing his missionary work at home. He also does endless crossword puzzles. I've read more than I ever do at home, in addition to getting more rest. Mom needs lots of rest so it supplies us with this gift of time. I'm grateful for the blessings this place and time with Mom are giving to me.

Pictures: Mom in High School, Mom is a special hairdo done by bather Donna, Layne doing another crossword puzzle.

The Spirit of Nature

I believe that the Spirit of God dwells in nature in greater abundance than anywhere else. Colorado offers more plentiful exposures to nature's wonders than just about anywhere else, for me. The surrounding countryside calls me to join it. I am lucky enough to have found a walking companion in the form of a red-head named Elaine. She is about my age and a good friend of mom's. She and I walk along a local creek most weekday mornings. We walk through bunches of trees to the sound of rushing water. It is quite magical. In addition, mom's land is filled with nature's wonders. Her mulberry tree is filled with birds happily munching the ripe berries. A noisy little squirrel often joins them. Her pasture is filled with cattle. There is life everywhere. Feeling the life pulse is a joyful thing that fills me with such peace and happiness.

Mom and I sat on her front porch this afternoon to the sound of thunder as a storm moved in. Lightening, thunder and rain filled the next few hours. We took it all in through her porch and kitchen windows. Layne rescued her deck upholstery, as you see in the accompanying photo. It was exciting to stand inside a comfortable home, dry and happy, looking out on a summer storm. How I wish our California home had summer rains! I couldn't resist taking some photos, some of which you see here. Summer rain. What a treat.

Mom seems to be less eager to exert herself. Her hip and leg have been hurting since a crooked sleep several nights ago. I am beginning to feel that she will now make little progress. I am still hoping for more but not counting on it. Some days she is bright and eager to do things but so much of the time she just wants to rest. She says little. I miss her insightful chatter. We are working on finishing up her life story, which she seems to enjoy. She seems to have so many thoughts inside of her, as she always has, but is less inclined to express them. She is frustrated that her body no longer works as she'd like. I think she is beginning to feel that it is a condition that she will have to put up with from now on. I think she is a little discouraged. She doesn't say so, but I think she is feeling it. I don't blame her. It would be hard to not be able to run and move at will. Here she is with friend Barbara Petersen.

Life here is basically relaxed. We serve mom and there is time in between to do what pleases us. Afternoon naps are a habit. The pace is slow. I like it.

Top picture is Layne after dinner.

A Colorful Move

Sometimes a month's worth of activity can compact into a week. It makes for exciting times. I hurried to do my Visiting Teaching at the beginning of this past week so that we would be ready to travel to Colorado at the end of the week to take our turn caring for Mom. One of my ladies, Ellen, is a non-member. Every time I visit her and present a spiritual message an amazing spirit invades us. It happened again this past Wednesday. As we talked, there was magic between us as the Spirit opened our hearts and minds and bound us together in perfect understanding. My experience with her makes me feel reassured that I can be inspired under the right circumstances.

My foster daughter, Michelle, told us that her son, Chris, was performing in a play at the local college (Ohlone). I pressured Layne to attend the only performance open to us, on Thursday evening. The play was Sweet Charity. I didn't know a thing about it. As the story progressed it quickly became apparent that Charity was a lovable prostitute. We sat through the first half. I know I'm picky but if the story isn't uplifting I really don't care how well done it is. The music and performers were great but the story line bugged me. So we left at intermission. Besides, we had to get up at 4 AM to try for a flight to Denver, the first leg of our trip to Cedaredge.

Audrey was sweet enough to get up early to take us to the airport on Friday. What do you know, we caught that early flight to Denver. Remember we go stand-by (for free) so every attempt to catch a flight is "ify". We arrived in Denver early and rushed to catch a flight into Montrose, a small airport close to Cedaredge. Amazing! We caught it and arrived at 1130 AM, a record for early arrivals to Colorado.

What a beautiful place Cedaredge is. We spent the weekend with my sister, Maryanne, and her hub, Bob. Oh, Mom was here too. And two of Maryanne's grandsons. Mom's little home was stuffed. But we had fun. The boys got hooked on Majong, my favorite computer game. We laughed and cheered our way into multiple victories and losses. On Sunday a storm moved in. Colorado summers have lots of those; one of the things I love about this place. Anyhow, the evening became quite blustery. I talked the boys into coming outside and feeling the wind run through their hair. I gave them quite an enthusiastic sales job on the joys of running in the wind and they bought into it completely. We spent the rest of the evening on Mom's deck, playing in the wind. Even Maryanne and Mom joined us. It was pure joy.

Bob, Maryanne and the boys left Monday morning, after a doctor's appointment for Mom. So we have taken up the reins of Mom's care for a month. She seems a little diminished to me. I am beginning to feel that she is sliding, slowly, downhill. I have a hard time admitting that as I dream of her being restored, if we can just give her the proper care. I suppose I am a helpless idealist. Mom is so lovely and full of life. Well, not as full as she was before the stroke. I miss her enthusiasm and regular comments and philosophizing. She is getting regular therapy and is making some progress but she doesn't seem quite as motivated as she was. But she still loves lemon fluff pie! Here she is licking the beater during the construction of this luscious pie. At least to us girls it is luscious; the guys prefer ice cream. So we girls ate the whole thing!

The good news is that Mom has a clean bill of health. Her hip is healed and, according to the local doctor, she is now free to use it in a normal manner. I'm excited about that. We plan to get her a bone scan so as to see the condition of her bones. It would be helpful to know if we need to take some precautions against further damage to her bones.

There are many local people here who love Mom. We visited some on Sunday. The Hovde's live in a lovely country home with extensive flower gardens. You can see a view in this photo. I'd love a garden like this one! At the top you can see Maryanne's hub Bob, at the Hovde's, sporting part of a set of armor that a local artist made.

And so our Colorado month begins. I feel happy to be here.

Lots of stuff

This morning I rode to Church with my son-in-law, Cliff, and my three grandchildren. I sat between Allegra and Isaiah in the back seat. On the way Isaiah pulled out a piece of gum and very carefully opened the stick and divided it into as close to three perfect pieces as he could do. Then he carefully refolded the foil wrapping to look like brand new. Would you call his exactness overkill? Would you say he is a bit over the top in the structured department? Perhaps I would agree. But I am so much like him! Yesterday, as I worked in the kitchen, I took open joy in having everything there organized just the way I want it to be. Almost the whole house is organized to meet my internal need for structure and order. Am I becoming an extremist do you think?

This week has been all about stuff as I pursued my non-people goals. I sewed, washed, worked in the yard and on the computer. I relished not calling or visiting anyone (with one very pleasant exception). I pushed my people goals out of this week and into the next. It was a nice change. As I grow older I find that my normally social preferences are being modified by a growing enjoyment of solitude. Now if I could just clear my head and use my meditating time to thoroughly ponder the deeper things of life without allowing it to become distracted by my tendency for multi-tasking and multi-thinking!

Saturday was the main exception to my week of stuff. We celebrated grandson Chase's actual birthday with a dinner of ribs with our Adams-Hart family. Chase turned 18. Today he was ordained an Elder by his father, Cliff. So now he is Elder Adams-Hart. He is a good-sized Elder, standing at least 6 feet 3 inches and growing! To his delight, he towers over his father and can look his grandfather in the eye. He has become a young man of integrity with the purest of hearts. I'm thankful for him. You can see him here opening his gifts from his other grandmother, who specializes in giving gifts of snacks. In the background, you can see our front yard, with some plants attempting to grow. With luck, if they take hold, we can plant more and, at last, have a yard of growing things. Life of all sorts enriches the soul!

Connections

In the people versus stuff war I often choose poorly. What I mean is, I am so very goal oriented that I let my various projects and assignments take over my life and thus miss opportunities for more important people bonding. But this past week was all about people.

I may have mentioned earlier that we have 5 family birthdays in close proximity in June and July. Most of those 5 took me up on my offer to shop with them rather than accept a gift of my choice. Monday was Audrey's shopping day. We hit gold with our efforts to find things that pleased her. It was a very satisfying shopping effort. And I didn't even buy a thing for myself, which I am often tempted to do when exposed to the array of things to purchase. I remember once again what a joy to my heart it is to please someone else. Especially someone I love a lot.

My son Gerald, the son who lives in Taiwan with his family, is coming to the States next week. He is bringing his own family and some exchange students from their English classes for a month's tour of the West. This time they are beginning their tour in Seattle. The problem is, his car is parked at our place. Getting it to Seattle in time for their arrival became the errand of Audrey and myself. We decided to drive it north on Wednesday afternoon, after my service in the Temple. Audrey loves to drive, so she drove the whole way. We had a lovely time together. We stayed in a motel Wednesday night, in Grant's Pass. Then comfortably on to Seattle, via a short stop at Salem, Oregon, where we visited a special couple named Max and Carol Chancellor. As we drove I marveled once again at the magic of it. It is amazing to be able to move through space at a speed we choose and a temperature quite apart from what nature offers. It was a hot trip, but, for us, in the comfort of a new car, the perfect climate control. The views and the company were lovely and our temporary stay in the motel was comfortable and pleasant. Isn't it an amazing time to live when we can move through our lives in such luxury and comfort?

The Chancellors lost two grown sons in death, within a month of each other. It happened shortly before we lost our own Carmen. Their deaths were a shock that will take some time to get over, as you may imagine. Audrey and I stopped to visit them in Salem on our way to Seattle. It was such a pleasure to spend time with them. You can see Max and Carol here, standing with their daughter, Becky, on their front porch. We talked our way into two hours and toured their beautiful home and yard. They are surrounded by green. I compared it in my mind to our own brown hills and must agree that I prefer green.

We spent what remained of Thursday and Friday with my daughter Jessica and her family in Seattle. Their little daughter, Peyton, turned 5 on Friday. I was happy to be there to celebrate with her. You can see her here opening one of her gifts. Family bonding is such a joy to me. We had a pleasant time living in their world for a day. I am grateful for sweet feelings with family. I appreciate each person and, especially on this Friday, the personalities of Chris and Jessica and their three children.

Audrey and I were blessed to catch an early United flight into San Francisco on Saturday morning. We even rode First Class. That is always a special blessing since we fly stand-by and are lucky to find a seat at all. Lucky we were. We spent most of the week together and it was such a pleasure. I find the company of my children pleasant, to the last one.

Independence Day is important to me. We spent most of Saturday morning preparing for the arrival of the local family and a celebration of our freedom. We ate, played, talked about our Independence and raised a brand new flag in our yard. At the top you can see our littlest granddaughter, Abigail, sporting a patriotic hat. We also celebrated those 5 birthdays I mentioned earlier. It was a joyful time. I hope our grandchildren, and the rest of the rising generation, will catch the importance of our country's system of government. At least the system that was put in place by our inspired Founding Fathers. There is much change on the horizon and it worries me a great deal. We have been so blessed as a nation. Will it continue?

The Best Laid Plans

Layne and I returned home from delivering Mom to Colorado late Monday night. Tuesday I spent the day lounging about and feasting upon the notion that I didn't HAVE to do anything. Wednesday we served in the temple and did catch-up errands in the afternoon.

Early in the week I felt euphoric about the time that loomed before me. It looked like several weeks of delicious openness. So I planned what to do with this gift of time. I have quite a backlog of activities that need addressing. It was such fun to schedule them into the few weeks that I will be away from Mom. I began working on my list in earnest, but, alas, others in my life had other ideas for the use of my time!

The end of June brings with it 4 birthday celebrations; one daughter (Audrey) and three grandchildren (Allegra-14, Scott-13, Jacqueline-7). In addition, the beginning of July brings two more (Chase-18, Peyton-5). You can imagine the shopping nightmare this represents. I have taken to offering to buy the local grandchildren a gift, or taking them shopping and letting them choose for themselves. This year Scott and Allegra wanted to shop. So I spent Thursday shopping with them. It was lots of fun, I will admit that. Then Isaiah approached me with a vision of a gift he wanted to make for his sister, Allegra. Well, actually, he wanted me to make it. And buy the materials for it. Hum. So, Isaiah and I also went shopping and he stood over me while I made his vision a reality. I will admit, he contributed to the cost and he also did some of the sewing. But Friday was filled with that project. Except for one more activity.

Chase talked Isaiah into letting me cut his hair very short. I am seen as the major hair-cutter in the family at this particular time. So out came the clippers with the correct attachment, and I did the job, quite well if I do say so. As I looked over my work, I noticed a stray hair or two on the top of Isaiah's head that I missed. So I took the clippers back out and, forgetting that I had already removed the attachment for cutting the right length, I roared through the top of his head with the unadorned clippers. Can you picture the result? My perfect job now had a stip of totally bald head, right in the middle of Isaiah's head! It happened in an instant! Isaiah was shocked, and so were Chase and I. I colored his head with felt tip pen so it would blend in and cut the rest of his hair as short as I dared. But he has worn his baseball hat ever since. Hum. So much for my expert barbering. I wonder if he'll ask me to cut his hair again. Stay tuned.

Saturday looked good. We helped a friend move in the morning, but the afternoon was looking wide open and full of possibilities. Then Ben called wondering if he could drop off three of his babes while he did some needed things of his own. Who am I to pass up the chance to have my babies with me? "Of course," I said. So on they came. We spent the rest of the day together. I loved it, of course. But another day passed without my goals even being started. "People over stuff" I always tell myself. And I believe that. Perhaps I am lucky after all. There are so many people in my life to love and spend time with. Maybe that really is the best goal to reach for.

At the top you see the Thursday shoppers, Allegra and Scott. Farther down is Isaiah, and, if you look closely at the bottom picture you can see my major hair faux paux.

Colorful Colorado

We spent the last 10 days with my mom in Colorado. What a beautiful place! We arrived on Saturday of last week and entered a clean, cheery little house (hers). In spite of being empty for the past several months, the house and yard never looked better. It is an embracing little house. Perhaps part of its embrace lies in the memories associated with it. But as you see it here, can you deny its charm?

Mom was undeniably happy to be home. But since she broke her hip, her demeanor is noticeably diminished. She is coming to the conclusion, I think, that she will very likely not be able to return to her former life of full activity. I believe she will need us from now on as well. She finds that idea very difficult to swallow. Her home therapy is in place and all seems organized for her comfort and growth while she is there. Maryanne and Bob arrived on the weekend and will take over her care for the next few weeks. I think it will be a good experience for Maryanne and Mom both to be together. It has been Mom and me for the past 7 months. Mom was worried when we left and I think she will miss us, but I also think she will enjoy the coming weeks.

So, for the next little while, I am a free woman. I spent today relaxing and making plans for the time up to our return to Colorado. And I have such plans! I am bubbling over with enthusiasm for all that I hope to accomplish. I'm very good at making plans. Carrying them out is my downfall. But I have my weeks all scheduled out, so we'll see how I do.

Pictured you see the front of Mom's home, Maryanne already on the job in the kitchen and Mom sitting in her chair in the kitchen.