Mom

Mom is quite a girl. She works hard every day to get back her mobility. Each day she can move a little more. Her leg works best but the rest of her right side is showing signs of awakening to some extent.

We had an exciting advancement recently; SHE MOVED HER RIGHT ARM! This is big. I'm so excited to see her advance. She is too. She is making amazing improvements and we are excited to be a part of it.

Girls in Colorado

My turn to return to Colorado to care for mom came up on August 12th. I was planning on driving there with Jessica and the kids, but she was delayed leaving so I flew instead. Audrey and Isaiah flew to Seattle and drove with them. They arrived safe and sound on Thursday. For the next 5 days our world was full of 4 women (me, mom, Jes and Audrey) and 4 kids (Isaiah, Gemma, Miles and Peyton). What a lively spirit was brought into mom's little house! We plotted activities that would keep the kids happy and came up with paid jobs followed by a shopping trip to spend the money, a scavenger hunt with treats following and then a treasure hunt with a treasure for the girls and a separate one for the boys. It was such fun! One day we looked up directions for making paper boats on the internet. Who could know that it would lead to hours of making boats, sinking them in the creek and making them again. I loved spending time with the kids. And I loved spending time with my girls. They cooked, cleaned up and helped with gramma. It was a great bond; I was sad to see them go.

Layne flew in to join me on Friday. I was so glad to see him! He took my "honey-do" list and jumped right in working on each one. It is now Thursday and he has done every single thing on the list plus a few more. What a man!

Mom is making improvements every day. It is exciting to see her progress. Her therapists come up with more and more things for her to do and I think up some as well. Mom tries it all. She isn't much for gab, though she is certainly capable of it. She also isn't much for humor though I've read her a bunch of jokes and tease her when the chance comes up. But she is her same sweet person and such a pleasure to serve. Her friends continue to stop by, generating an energy in her that naps don't touch. I can't help feeling such optimism as I see her gain more and more function. This is a sweet time.

Maryanne arrived today, by train. By a greatly delayed train. An 11:00 AM arrival became a 5 PM arrival. But she is here and all is well. We go home on Saturday.

The Lightening Rod

My divided life has brought me to Colorado once again, as I take my turn caring for mom. She is making regular improvements, but is greatly reduced in function. As she herself has mentioned, she feels overwhelmed at all that must be worked on and overcome to approach a normal life. I find working with her very satisfying. I can't say exactly why; perhaps it is her strong, benevolent personality; perhaps it is my happy chance to return to her all the good she has given me over a lifetime. Perhaps it is something else all together, or a combination of things. But is is joyful to be here. It is a kind of retreat. The world goes away and time seems to stand still. I forget the date and the day. This Colorado country is a haven. It seems to somehow embrace me and bring me closer to God.

I keep wondering what purpose there is in the reduced condition of mother. She has been such a force for good in this place. Now she must concentrate her attention and will to making her body respond and awaken. It is not something she wants to do. It is a surprise to us all that she is now required to do so. I'm sad to see her have to fight this battle. Yet, in spite of her present condition, she still functions as a kind of lighting rod for our family. She somehow binds us to one another. She has the power to bring out the tenderness in us. She has a mighty will and a deep reservoir of love that pulls us all in. My girls, Audrey and Jessica, have been here with me since last Thursday. I believe they too feel the power of mother. She looks upon us with tenderness and gratitude. Perhaps it is her spirit after all that makes our service to her a joyful one.

Eating Ants

Layne came in from working outside on Friday and began eating some peanut m&m's (his favorite) and almonds out of a plastic bag. He was munching away when I came into the kitchen and looked up into his blue eyes. His chin was covered with ants, forming a kind of living goatee. As I looked closer, I saw more ants crawling all around his mouth. His hand was dipping into the candy bag, full of ants. Ants were crawling up his fingers. Ants, ants everywhere. He never noticed. When I pointed them out to him, he, very sheepishly, said, "well, let the ants look out for themselves!" He finished his mouthful, declaring that the flavor seemed untarnished. But he threw the rest away. What a man!

A Break at Home

Layne and I flew home from Colorado on Wednesday. I felt such pleasure in working with mother; she is gentle, bright and so appreciative of all that we did for her. But when I walked through our front door I felt overcome by sorrow. It followed me all day. I felt such a loss for my mom. She was so full of life and fruitful activity. Now she must work hard to get her functioning back. I feel very dedicated to helping her do it. But I couldn't shake the sorrow over what has happened. I slugged through dinner and mourned through the evening.

I decided that I needed to get out of myself. Rayne asked me to take photos of her and buddy Caitlin. It was good to get into something outside my personal thoughts. But Thursday provided me with the best opportunity to do so. I had an invitation to attend a luncheon with gals from my school days. I have a hard time walking into social situations cold. But I pushed myself. Upon entering the restaurant I felt comfortable. The gals there welcomed me with embraces and happy conversation. It was so good to see them. Some I met for the first time in many years at the last lunch. But there were some that I saw for the first time since school, at this lunch. It was a total departure from my sorrows to be there. The conversation was fun and bonding. I'm so glad I went. I came home completely renewed. It is good to have a break and catch my breath.

Home for Mom

Today mom comes home. She has spent some two weeks in the Physical Therapy unit of the Montrose hospital. I love it there. The facility is lovely, the people are great and the food is amazingly delicious. It is a treat to eat there with mom. Mom is busy most of every day but Sunday. She has physical, occupational, and speech therapy every day. I have learned some additional exercises which I put her through in addition to all else. I have found being with mom and exercising her is joyful. I enjoy learning about the effects of the stroke and what can be done to overcome them. Somehow there is an element of excitement in being able to see her improvement and in discovering more ways to help her. I've felt a connection and bond with those who serve her there: Sharon is her main nurse; Paula and Beverly are physical therapists; Jen, Kimry and Micah work with her speech, eyes and mouth; Jeanne is her social worker. Since I'm not at the hospital early enough, I'm not sure who does the occupational therapy but I'm amazed at how many there are who work together to help her.

She has had a good experience even though she longs to be home. She is bright but subdued. She is finally coming to grips with the extent of her handicaps and is doing all she can to work her way out of them. The stroke has changed her brain chemistry, I 'm told, and has created a chemical depression. She is on an antidepressant to address that. I've yet to see her spark, but she is basically positive and pleasant. I enjoy spending time with her and feel quite devoted to helping her recover.

July 24, 2008
At the moment I am sitting at my mother's desk in Colorado. She is now in a physical therapy hospital in a nearby town and I am taking my two week turn being with her. There is quite a change in her, which I'm having a hard time adjusting to. She is greatly diminished, physically. I feel she is a bit depressed, being cooped up in a hospital room, even though it is the nicest facility I've seen. She is sad about losing her independence. Her life will be greatly changed now. My sister and I plan on rotating being here with her until we can determine the extent of her recovery. Layne will come next week to help me bring her home and spend some time with her here in her own little place. Her mind is unaffected; just her body is now handicapped. I feel like she is being redirected. I am telling her that she has something left of her mission and that the Lord will guide her to it, if she will seek that out. She has become a bit mentally lazy; an easy thing to do in the hospital. Yet she is so vibrant a personality; I feel that the Lord wants her to do something that she has, perhaps, been avoiding thus far in favor of other good things. Perhaps it is a choice between the good, better and best that Elder Oaks spoke of recently. She is getting regular physical therapy but I've decided to exercise her inbetween those sessions. The therapist showed me what I can do with her so I'm excited to begin that today. I think it may speed things up and help her right side to reawaken.

So that has changed my life quite a bit. I'm on leave from the temple for a couple of months and will only be able to attend once or twice a month for awhile. The mission must be postponed as well. But the Lord is in charge; I can feel that. I also feel a sense of joy being with my mother and trying to help her along. It makes a difference that she is mentally sharp. We can have a sweet time during all of this, I feel sure. There are blessings in it and I don't dread my time here in any way. It is raining outside right now; we don't see summer rain at home and I love it here. The sky has a beautiful rainbow just outside the window. I can't help but feel a sweet peace as I look at the beauty that is here. Colorado is a lovely place.

Layne is now in Idaho, spending time with Gerald and family and Chinese students. I’m glad that he went; I think it’ll be good bonding time with Gerald. Layne loves his children so much but doesn’t initiate time with them. I worry that they will not realize his feelings for them.

Layne has a lovely garden going in our yard. It is bearing, especially the squash. Our tomatoes are growing but so very small. I think we are giving them too little water. Layne is trying to ration the cistern water so it will last the summer. But we just got two more cisterns so next summer should give us enough.