The Clash of Opinions

When I was young I longed to have strong opinions about things.  Now that I am an older woman I find that I do.  Perhaps they are a little too strong.  I find myself struggling to keep an open mind about some things.  Older people in general have strong opinions, it seems.  At least my Layne does.  And often he cannot be moved.  One of his opinions is that the accumulation of stuff should be avoided at all costs.  While I agree with him in theory, there is some stuff I cannot resist accumulating.  Clothes for instance.  Layne allows my indulgence but doesn't participate himself in such things.  Not usually anyhow.

But his birthday is approaching.  So I went shopping for him this past week in spite of his claim that he needs absolutely nothing.  As I looked for the perfect sweatshirt (something he admitted to wanting) I found what I was sure was the perfect one.  And it was on sale.  And it came in several colors that would look good on Layne.  I was so excited to buy it for him.  Once home I could not resist giving it to him right then!  Sometimes I can't contain my enthusiasm for things.  He LOVED it.  He loved it so much that we returned that very evening so he could pick out a second one.  SCORE!  How often does that happen.  Such success puts me into such a high!

Here is that perfect sweatshirt.  Note the zippered neck (Layne
usually just cuts open the neck), high collar for cold days,
 the zippered pocket that will allow nothing to escape (Layne MUST
have a pocket), and, last, the loose bottom (rather than the usual sweatshirt finish).
On sale at Sears.  Perfect.

I found all sorts of treasures to buy besides his birthday present.  Sometimes a shopping trip comes together in a most delightful way.  When this happens shopping can be such a pleasure.  My Christmas shopping has begun!

Layne likes to plan way ahead.  I have compromised my free-spirited, spontaneous nature to a considerable amount to accomodate this quality in him.  But I approached him about a spur of the moment idea; I wanted him to come with me to Utah this coming week for a couple of days, to celebrate my sister's birthday on Oct 2 and his on Oct 5, with his twin, Lynn.  He paused.  He hedged.  He then refused.  I pushed.  I prodded.  I pressed.  All to no avail.  We are not going.  I'm seriously bummed about this.  I think I will pressure him to SCHEDULE said trip when it suits him better; when he can plan ahead for it.  Sigh.  Compromise is part of the married game.  Still.

We spoke with son Gerald on Skype yesterday for a considerable amount of time.  With cameras on our devices, we spoke face to face.  How magical is that!  I love Gerald's gift of gab.  He talked at considerable length about our upcoming move and his opinion about where we should settle.  I have shared my worries about this in previous blogs so you know that I am in a puzzlement about being close to family versus being out of California in a less troubled state, as Layne wants to do.  Gerald's opinion is that we should choose a good location and not worry about family; that, if we choose a place with freedom and opportunity, they may wind up coming our way, in time.  He also mentioned that there are ways to be close even at a distance.  He also feels, that when the time is right, we will know what to do.  So it boils down to faith, I suppose.  If we do our homework and check out various places, when we actually have to make the decision, it will become clear.  And probably not until then.

Patience.  Relax.  All will become clear, with time.

Gerald, on my computer screen, using Skype.
He sits in Taiwan, flashing his wonderful face as if
he were sitting here before me.  Love it.

Layne in his tux for his quartet picture.  He's
singing with them for a Christmas concert.

This early morning I stood on my balcony enjoying our
valley, lit up by a full moon.  I love the moonlight!

Grandson Bruce, after the agony of receiving a
haircut by his grandmother.

Here's to More Ponderings

Did I mention that I am now a Den Leader?  Yep.  Wolves.  6 of them.  That is yet another thing I've been worrying about.  You see, in spite of being a mother to three boys, I've never been involved with scouts.  The scout program is unfamiliar territory.  I know, its shameful.  But there you are; now that I'm out of boys and a grandma, I find myself a late-blooming scouter.  It was with trepidation that I approached our first meeting last Tuesday.  All six of our little wild men showed up.  A very nice woman called to serve with me was there also.  As it turned out, we had a fun time together.  The boys are cute and enthusiastic.  Becky, my co-cub leader, is great with the boys and will be fun to work with, I think.  So I guess, after all that worrying, everything is going to be OK.

Layne has been trying to get me to spend more time relaxing.  I have this deeply hidden feeling that I MUST make every minute of my life productive.  I'm pretty good at it.  But Layne keeps telling me that my view of things is a little off.  I haven't made much of an effort at slowing myself down or filling some of my time with nothing.  There is something inside of me that presses me to run, run, run; hurry, hurry, hurry.  I simply must accomplish SOMETHING.

I had lunch with my friend Lyn Hooker on Thursday.  She called me on Friday to tell me that she is very concerned about me.  She thinks I am in a stressful knot serious enough to see a doctor, as I may have serious, destructive issues.  Hum.  I am showing signs of stress that I can't quite explain.  Well, between Layne and Lyn, I have decided to take this relaxing issue more seriously.  So, I am going to plan on sitting quietly for awhile each day, dancing more often and investing in my art more often too.  Perhaps it isn't too late for this older doggie to learn some new tricks.  Can I quiet the voice inside of me that presses me to produce?  Perhaps.  I guess I'd better give this challenge some of my best efforts.  Whoops.  Not effort.  Just more time out.

Here is our living alarm clock, Cherry, sitting at our bedroom patio door,
reminding us that it is time to get up and address her needs.

Since I ignored her pleas, Cherry perched herself at our breakfast
window, pleading for the special treat we sometimes give her.
Layne has difficulty not succumbing to her charms. 

Here is our house as it appears in our sales flyer.  It looks quite
different at this time of approaching sunset.

Layne and I went to the temple last Thursday night as part of our stake conference.  I spoke at the chapel session on the rewards of being an ordinance worker.  Organizing my thoughts about that has focused my thinking on the sweet blessings that come to me while working in the temple.  That is a form of de-stressing, in a way.  The session Thursday night surrounded me with warm, happy, good people.  I felt then that this kind of close association is quite heavenly.  I felt embraced by goodness.  Perhaps more temple going should be added to my anti-stress list.  

Stressful ponderings

Sometimes I am a mystery to myself.  I am suddenly alive with symptoms of stress.  Yet I don't feel uptight.  I have a stress rash, a funny feeling in my esophagus and my face has broken out.  All signs that I'm disturbed about something.  Perhaps it is the anticipated move.  Perhaps it is the new calling in Church that I just received.  Perhaps it is worry about some of the family.  Perhaps it is a little of all of those things.  Or...perhaps it is the tomatoes.

Our garden is exploding right now with squash and tomatoes.  We have squash every night with dinner and tomatoes all through the day.  I wonder if that is too many tomatoes.  Every other day Layne brings a bucket full of vegetables.  For land that has been slow to bear, this is a sweet reward for the effort Layne has put into enriching the garden soil.  In spite of the rabbit that nibbles in the garden, the gophers and the squirrels, we have a bountiful harvest; enough to share!  We are blessed indeed!

Bruce, providing me with a fun pick-up activity for later.

Alexis turns 9 September 6.

Reed (holding foster daughter Lexa) turns 40 September 6.

Jonathan, getting lots of help from older sisters, turns 1 September 22.
James is holding the birthday peach pie in the background.  James
is all about pie.  

Last Sunday we celebrated our family's September birthdays.  This is a big month for our family.  Birthdays and anniversaries abound.  We had our usual busy, happy celebration.  If we move to Nevada, 4 hours away, we can still have this once a month get-together, I'm thinking.  I guess I fill my days with this kind of thinking; how things could work out if we move there.  The ripples that surround change are always hard to predict.  Then there are the hidden surprises, for good or for bad, that eventually come to light as well.

We had another Broker's Open House on Friday.  Lots of people came, potential buyers as well as brokers.  During the open house I was in Brentwood, at a Grandma Day at school for my grandsons.  But Layne said it went very well.  It was just finishing up when I arrived back home, just in time for a sample of the brisket that our agents cooked up for the occasion.  Hum.  Maybe some of the many who showed up came for the brisket!

Celebration for a Grandson

An absence of two years deserves a celebrated return.  Grandson Chase spoke about his mission last Sunday to a full house.  Many from our Fremont ward attended as well as family.  The family stayed for a celebration at home, of Chase's return and of his birthday, which was in July.  It is always great to meet with the local family.  We had such fun honoring Chase and loving him.

Chase, opening a birthday gift.

Grandson Bruce (Reed and Dorothy's youngest)
with his security blanket, crocheted by my mom.

Getting together so easily with family has set me to thinking.  Our anticipated move will certainly take us further away from this happy circle.  Layne wants to leave California.  He grows in his frustration with increasing government interference and taxation.  I agree with him.  But I've been wondering lately if leaving California is really what we ought to do.  It will mean leaving family as well.  So which is more important:  to find a place that is cheaper and less restrictive but without family, or to stay here, find a home that we can buy, keep all the frustrations of California life, but with family?  We could compromise and move to Menden or Genoa, Nevada, which is out of state but still relatively close to family.  If you call 4 hours drive close.  As I ponder the reality of leaving here I feel such confusion.  Where should we go?

The local family men:  Cliff, Chase (now the tallest in the family),
Reed, Ben, Layne, Chris (Cliff's younger brother).

Standing with Chase are some of the local family women.  In back:  me, Allegra,
Jessica, Chase, Audrey, Kristy (Chris' wife).  In front:  Jacqueline, Abigail, Alexis,
the two daughters of Chris and Kristy.

Yesterday we visited with some of our old neighbors in Fremont.  Jeanne Harmon, our very next door neighbor and friend, talked with me for awhile.  With tears in her eyes she said she missed attending Relief Society with me.  She said that she and hubby Don have attended a number of different Churches and none felt right.  When we were neighbors we often talked of gospel principles.  The Spirit sang between us when we did.  Jeanne came very close to joining the Church at that time, but Don closed his heart to it and forbade her and their daughters from considering it.  I could feel Jeanne's sadness as she spoke to me.  I offered to bring her to Church with me and she eagerly accepted.  Perhaps the Spirit is calling to her once again.  I'm so glad that we made this sweet contact with her.  I'm taking her with me to Relief Society in another week!

I have spent this past week making a history of Reed's childhood, to give him for his birthday celebration today.  I finished it!  Seeing him grow up in the photos I organized for him reminds me that life passes so very quickly.  How should we spend these remaining years that are left to us?  I feel the need to get done what were just future goals in days past.  There are probably not too many good years left to us.  What is the best use for them?  Since moving here, I have felt of very little use to our local Church.  I've decided that this is a gift to me, allowing me to finally pursue those plans that I have wanted to complete for many years.  It should be fun after all, so I'm telling myself to get to it.

Girl Bonding and Elder Chase

My friend Lyn has been cooking up a girl's get-away for weeks.  She organized me and friend and ex-roommate Joanne Gunson into a traveling three-some, to travel to Salt Lake to visit with yet another ex-roommate, Pat Hansen.  With Lyn driving, we met up early Monday morning and off we went.  Imagine three girls together in a car for 13 or so hours, gabbing all the way.  It was a bonding feast.  We women seem to be built for bonding.  Sometimes I forget what a sweet experience it can be to share feelings and ideas in detail.  Men are often not particularly good at it.  Since I spend most of my time with my special man, I have fallen into the habit of not talking all that much.  So it felt good to bring things out that have been sleeping inside of me for some time.  Loving girlfriends are definitely good for each other.

Here are the 4 college roommates:
Pat Hansen (the artist), me, Lyn Hooker and Joanne Gunson.
Behind us is one of Pat's watercolors.  Lovely, yes?

Pat's art studio.  I love all the light!  

We spent Tuesday with Pat, in her home in Sandy.  She is a successful watercolor artist.  Her home is a gallery for her art.  She decorated it with antiques and an artistic eye so that each space was a feast for the eyes.  It was great fun to spend time with her and hear all she had to say, mostly about her experiences with art.  It was quite inspiring.

After our day with Pat, we girls decided that we'd like to stay in Salt Lake another day so we headed for son Gerald's home in Draper.  You may remember that it was in this house that his neighbor hid out and died earlier this year.  Gerald and his wife Frances have decided not to return to the home; instead to rent it out for now and sell it later.  My sister Maryanne joined us there and together we spent a most pleasant Wednesday.  Except walking through Gerald and Fran's well stocked home made me a bit sad to think that they will not be returning.  Fran's Chinese tradition is to abandon a home where someone other than family has died.  How unfortunate that their friend chose their home to die in.

Maryanne, in front of new home construction that we explored, in Draper.

Thursday morning Maryanne returned home and we three girls began our drive back to California.  We talked all the way back home.  There seems to be no end to what friends can talk about.  It was a lovely bond, not soon to be forgotten.

When I returned home Thursday evening, the place was abuzz with the expected arrival of grandson Chase from his mission in Boston.  Two years.  That is how long he has been gone.  Friday morning we readied ourselves to meet him at the San Jose airport.

Chase at 21 years, 60 pounds lighter than when he left, and much more "buffed".
Perhaps you can see in his face the steady confidence that he radiates,
and the glowing testimony that he feels.

Elder Chase Adams-Hart arrived at the airport Friday noon, into the enthusiastic circle of our family group.  He met our eyes a much different looking young man than when he left us.  He was thin, and walked tall, with a confident grin on his face.  We all smothered him in hugs and balloons.  I can say, after a weekend of celebration, that his company is grand.  He comes to us full of testimony and strength, with plans to prepare himself for a prosperous future.  He is good, clean and faithful.  He's handsome too!  Who could hope for more in a grandson.

Palo Alto Grandkids

Our youngest son Ben and his wife Jessica have 6 very busy and energetic children.  You may imagine that there isn't much down time for them.  So I was quite willing to agree to watch all 6 while Ben and Jes had a little get-away for a couple of days.  As the time approached I began to wonder if I could keep up with all those babes and their activities.  I was especially worried about caring for the youngest, Jonathan.  He isn't a year old yet and is very attached to his mama.  In fact, he hasn't ever been away from her for long.  And he doesn't think much of me, judging from past experience.  Would he tolerate my efforts at temporary mothering?

Layne planned on coming with me until granddaughter Allegra volunteered.  She has a way with kids and seems to enjoy babysitting duty.  Eagerly I accepted her help, leaving Layne off the hook.  We girls left for our family errand on Thursday.

I tend to be a very structured person.  I like things done just so and organized just so.  Somehow I have evolved to this.  Time works its strange adjustments upon us.  Fortunately, Jes had made out a list of what we were to do each day with the kids.  We organized ourselves from there.  I'm happy to report that all went well.  My experiences with the kids left me with two refreshed insights:

1.  Kids are adaptable and will do whatever they need to, to get along.  Baby Jonathan realized very early in our time together that I was it for him.  He soon preferred me to everyone else in the household.  He clung to me, hugged me and nuzzled me.  It was quite endearing.  Except for the nights.  Jon doesn't make it through the night.  Both nights I had to hold him, clam him, search for his bink and experience his thrashing, kicking, smacking and general sounds and movements in the dark.  Sleep was elusive, you could say.  But by mornings he was his sweet, charming self.  He was my boy.  He was happy with my efforts to care for him.  KIDS ADJUST and do what they have to do to get by.  

2.  William, 7 years old, has a temper.  He "rises to the bait", as my mother-in-law used to say about the victims of teasing.  William's little brother, Zachary, a darling, dark eyed little guy, loves to quietly torment Will until he explodes in screams and hits.  Being the noisy one, he gets the blame for the trouble.  I understand this.  It happened to me and my little sister too.  You maybe can guess that I was the noisy explosive one.  After one of Will's particularly violent explosions I took him in my arms and quietly told him I understood how he felt but that violence was never right.  As I spoke to him gently, he calmed down.  I then gently told Zach that his teasing and tormenting was also wrong.  As I spoke softly to the boys, the atmosphere calmed and the anger dissipated.  It isn't natural for me to respond to strong emotion with gentleness.  But I prayed for the ability to do it, and I believe that is why I was able to respond softly.  It was a lovely example of one of my favorite scriptures, Proverbs 15:1  A SOFT ANSWER TURNETH AWAY WRATH, BUT GRIEVOUS WORDS STIR UP ANGER.  I'm going to keep trying to be soft.

Jonathan and me; my boy, for the moment.

Saturday night we had the kids in bed but not asleep when Ben and Jes returned.  I believe they had a good time.  So did we!  The time with the children was good, but exhausting.  Allegra talked to me all the way home, then we settled back into familiar territory, weary to the bone.
 

Carmen On My Mind

Last weekend was our extended Family Home Evening.  We celebrate family birthdays of the month at these occasions.  We celebrated son-in-law Cliff.  We also spoke of our departed Carmen, who would have been 12 on August 10th, if she were still here with us.  I have been thinking of her all week.  I imagine her, lovely and bright, looking down upon us.  There are some of the grandchildren now who have never known her.  It seems important to remind them, and all of us, that there is a sweet little one missing who belongs to us.  So we speak of her at her special times; the time of her arrival in August, and her departure, in February.

Brentwood friends of son Reed and his Dorothy wanted to spend some time honoring Carmen's memory on Friday the 10th.  So we all met at her school in Brentwood for a pot luck.  We spoke of Carmen and other things, and we ate.  We ended the event by viewing a memorial for Carmen at the school, and releasing purple balloons.  Isn't it interesting what a little girl can do for people.  Her struggle for life touched so many other lives.  Those at her school remember.  Many in the community remember.  One precious life.  Although short, it was a gift.  We must always remember.

The memorial for Carmen, located at her elementary school,
Knightson, in Brentwood, CA

Balloons to celebrate Carmen, at the ready near the memorial.
Note Audrey at the left and allegra in the middle.

Balloons released.

Purple balloons, reaching for heaven.