The Travel Begins

It seems such a short time ago that we sent our sons on their Church missions. But it wasn't. To prove that point, our grandson, Chase, is preparing to leave on his own mission to Boston. He went to the Temple for the first time this past week. It was quite special as he went during our temple shift on Wednesday. Even more special; I was assigned to work the very session he was in! I took pleasure in watching him during the ceremony and remembering my own thoughts when I entered the temple for the first time. Chase works at not showing his feelings on his face. And he's good at it. I think it is part of his masculine mask. But he is a person with deep and tender feelings. It was a joy to spend that temple time with him. He leaves in August.
Here we are with Chase in front of the Oakland Temple.

Our turn to spend time with Mom in Colorado came up last week. The day after our temple experience we started our travel adventure. We always fly stand-by. It is our only remaining perk from United Air Lines. We started our journey very early in the morning to be available for the most flights. We go first to Denver, then Grand Junction, then drive to Cedaredge. Little towns do not lend themselves to speedy travel. We anticipated that it would take all day to get there since we figured we'd miss several flights. Imagine our delight when we got on the first flight to Denver in spite of an oversold airplane! Then, miracle that it was, we actually made our next flight into Grand Junction on the first try! So we arrived early in the day, a most amazing accomplishment. It was all smooth as can be, except for the stress of not knowing that it would be as smooth as can be.

My sister Maryanne and her hub Bob have been caring for Mom for most of June. They did a great job in spite of Mom getting sick and the three of them getting into a minor car accident. They did have their adventures. Mom looked quite diminished when we arrived. She was thinner, duller and less responsive. But she is on the mend. Still, she is not the girl she was. I see her failing, slowly, but surely. All we can do is care for her and love her. I was so wishing that she would be able to live her life fully until she was called home. But that is not to be. I hope that she will be able to move to the next world gently. That is my great wish for her now.
Here is Layne looking out Mom's kitchen window at a summer thunder storm. I love these storms! Imagine what our California garden would be like if only we could enjoy regular summer storms like this one.

It is July 4th. I love this holiday that celebrates freedom. I feel we are fast losing the freedoms celebrated for so many years. But I still rejoice in what we have left and the blessing of living in America. God has been good to our land and our people. I'm grateful. We celebrated at Church and watched my favorite patriotic movie, 1776. I feel in my heart that God was at the core of the thoughts and dreams that brought about the establishment of our Constitution and the United States of America. In spite of the weaknesses of many in powerful positions over the years, we still have the most amazing country the world has ever known. We must protect and preserve it!

Pioneering and Such

Our Church youth went on a pioneer trek this past week. Layne and I were in charge of putting together vignettes, or short, dramatized pioneer historical stories, for the kids to experience as they walked their own pioneer trail, pushing and pulling handcarts as they went. It was a three day event, held in a park located near Gilroy. It was dirty, dusty, challenging and fun. By the end of three days without showers and with plenty of dirt we were so coated with grunge that it just didn't matter anymore. In a way it was comfortable; no more worries about getting dirty. Our vignette actors did a great job. I believe the kids were inspired by what we presented to them. I was happy with our effort. Layne looked great in his pioneer outfit of tan and brown. Here you can see him about to present the "crossing of the Sweetwater" to the kids as they approached with their handcarts. Nearby you can see some of the guys pushing the carts across our own "Sweetwater". The girls wait on the other side, where the guys carried them. It was pretty sweet and lots of fun.

Sunday was Father's Day. Layne is in a "don't get me anything" mode. So I didn't. The whole local gang joined us for dinner and the big collection of June birthdays that June brings us. It was an explosion of celebration. There was lots of food, gifts and interaction. I love having family.

I can feel myself changing. I am content to be at home for longer periods of time. Not that I actually experience that very often. But when I do, I like it. I am happier to be alone. My younger self sought out people and bonding, but now I feel content to let whomever wishes to come to me. I have to push myself to connect. At least compared to former days. I suppose I am more given to ponderings and quiet experiences. I am amazed at what I am becoming!

Losses and Gains

Life is full of surprising events. I have been spending quite a bit of time with a good friend, Debbie Anderson, who has been struggling with an unusual disease. It is debilitating but not fatal. Deb has been quite discouraged about losing so much function. I've tried to help her redirect by helping her start to write her life story. We have had much fun piecing her life together in written form, in what we hoped would be a gift for her family. Deb and I met at school, where our children attended some of the same classes. She and I involved ourselves in some causes that we felt were important. Deb is a "cause" kind of girl. We have found much in common and have nourished our friendship over quite a few years now. It has been several weeks since I've seen Debbie. We've been busy in Colorado. She has been struggling with her health a bit more lately. Imagine my shock to hear that Deborah P. Anderson PASSED AWAY this past Wednesday. This disease that "is not fatal" led to a condition that took her life! I've had trouble getting used to the idea of Debbie being gone. Her family is reeling from the unexpected loss. I have been racking my brain to think of what I could do for them. I think I have an idea. I'm going to put the history I have on Deb together with pictures of her into a book for the family. Perhaps it will be a closing of the project we began to bless her family with her story.

Life has its twists and turns. I have a firm belief that death is an adventure that takes us into benevolent territory. I don't mind the thought of it. So why do I feel such a loss when those I am close to pass away? Carmen gave us time to adjust to her leaving us. It was some help to us. Sudden passings leave us in a more unbalanced state. I'm glad to know that they are temporary. Soon enough we will all be together again. But the view from here is clouded.

The world spins on. It is a beautiful day today, very warm and summery. Layne and I just celebrated our 44th wedding anniversary by going out to dinner at China Chilies, one of my favorite places to eat. When we eat out. Which is rare. But then, that just makes it more special, don't you think? In the accompanying picture you can see Layne waiting patiently at our table for dinner to be served. I'm grateful to be involved in a relationship that has been mutually nurturing over the years.

We have two grandsons who are deacons now. Being both twelve years of age, they can go to the temple and do baptisms. They went together, along with granddaughter Allegra, this past Wednesday. What a joy it is to see these children grow into strong, good people. Here you can see Isaiah and James ready to head for the temple. Blessings abound.

Summer Begins

We live in two worlds now. After two weeks in Colorado, we are home again. Our Colorado time was comfortable and embracing. We celebrated Memorial Day by visiting the Cedaredge cemetery, where more of my dead relatives are gathered than any other single place. Mom, Layne, Allegra and I gathered at Daddy's grave. The Cemetery was filled with big flags, all waving in the breeze. It always inspires me to see our flag waving. Small ones decorated all the veteran's graves. I can gratefully say that Daddy was among them. I wonder why just about every generation has to fight. It is such an ugly side to our nature that we cannot seem to co-exist in peace for long. Sometimes it seems that our history could be written strictly in terms of wars. Yet I prefer to write of the simple causes of peace and happiness. Call me a Pollyanna if you wish. I've been called that before.

In the picture, Mom sits in front of Daddy's grave.

I lost myself for a time in Colorado sorting through Mom's old photographs. I found some that I haven't seen before. I am filled with a desire to organize and record our family's history. I can see that if it is not done, it will be forgotten. My children know so little of life before them. I feel I must give them a record. So I busily took photos of the pictures that I found. I have a passion to organize all family stuff. Memories should not be forgotten.

Here are two old photos. The first is of Maryanne and me in a pose for our Dad on Father's Day many years ago. The second picture is of Mother shortly after her marriage.

It is good to be home again. Summer seems to be here. The hills are mostly brown. The yard is moving into a dormant stage, where things die back. The poppies have done that. There are few blooms left. But beneath the dying bushes small, green sprouts are emerging. With a little summer water they may bloom again. I walk through our house and it feels a little empty. Mom is not here. I keep running into my routine with her and feel strangely at a loss. But I have my list of June things to do now, so the hole will soon be filled. But I miss her.

A Colorado Sabbath

It is a beautiful spring afternoon in Cedaredge, Colorado. I am sitting on the deck that our family men built for my mom at a family reunion. It overlooks her pasture, which, at this moment, is filled with green grasses and cattle. Birds skirt about, talking to and chasing each other. A soft breeze blows throughthe trees and a blue sky encircles it all. Layne and granddaughter Allegra are resting inside. In the top picture is my view of mom's pasture from the deck. You can see the tips of my toes on the bottom left of the picture.

Mother lies in her chair, sleeping. She seems happy to be home, surrounded by familiar places and people. Being here seems to bring out her memories. She thinks about her past more and more. Since there is little to do in her present, I can understand her going there. In fact, it serves me well. I am trying to get her memories written down. She has been telling me many of them over the past few days. I am hearing things I haven't heard before. I find it rewarding and somehow joy-promoting to hear what she has to say. Her memory seems to be opening up. I'm glad for it.

Mother went to the eye doctor this past week. It appears that she has mild cases of glaucoma and macular degeneration. I was shocked to see how her vision has deteriorated. We are trying glaucoma drops for a month to make sure it is the right thing to do for her. then she will get glasses again. I left the doctors feeling that she is beginning to experience a general physical decline. I know-----she is almost 93! But she has been so vibrant and strong. I was so hoping that she would leave this world on a sprint. But that is not to be.

We have spent so much time in Colorado the last couple of years that it is feeling like a second home. I don't mind my time here; in fact, I enjoy it. I can feel my thoughts here better than home somehow. Less is needed from me here. Caring for Mom is my only mandatory task. The rest of my time can be spent in pursuits of my own making. In the picture below you can see the barnyard behind Mom's home.

There is a place called the Apple Shed here that houses lots of works of art by various local artists. I visited there yesterday and wandered throughout, feeling quite inspired by all the different types of art on display. It was pure pleasure to run into my Colorado art teacher, Barbara Torke. We had a lovely bond. Later in the summer I plan to take some more pastel lessons from her.

In spite of the efforts involved in caring for Mom, I'm grateful for this time. I love being here and being able to give Mom something. I hope she can live gently and peacefully during this time.

For awhile now we have been anticipating our trip to Colorado, to bring Mom home for the summer. We left for the journey in Mom's car on Thursday and arrived here Friday. Allegra (Audrey's daughter) came with us. She is easy to have around and one of my favorite people. Our drive was pleasant and comfortable. Isn't is wonderful to have a way to travel that moves through space at a pace of our choosing and even offers food and other distractions along the way. All along our trail to Colorado there were gas stations, restaurants and sleeping facilities. No searching was required. I mention this obvious state of things because I found myself comparing our oh so comfortable lives with those of our pioneer forefathers. I never want to take our benefits for granted!

Here you see Mom with a cute smile; anticipating going home perhaps?

Mom did well with the travel. I believe she is excited to be home. As excited as she gets these days. She, as always, is pleasant about everything. Her little house embraced us as we walked in. It was clean and comfortable; like we have been only gone for days instead of months. Our Colorado friends the Palmers have looked out for Mom's place and have done a great job. It is beautiful here, as always. I find Colorado an embracing place.

But for some reason I am once again experiencing my "stress rash". It appears all over my body as I scratch the itch that calls to me, everywhere on me! I have not slept since coming either. This is very unusual for me, usually a master at sleeping under just about any circumstance. Could I be stressed about something? I don't consciously feel worried but I must be. Why must I be such a mystery to myself? What is going on inside of me, really?

Here is Allegra's smile in Mom's dining room. Layne is fresh here from a Sabbath nap. Mom's pasture is in the background.

Moms and Such

Mom laughed with me yesterday morning. I was covering her with a blanket, misjudged a bit, and covered her face. She got such a funny expression on her face as I pulled the blanket down. I got the giggles. As I laughed, so did she! You may be thinking that this is no big deal. But ever since her stroke Mom has not smiled or laughed very much. Her emotions are somewhat flat. But lately she has smiled more often and even laughed on occasion. It presents such a joyful feeling in my heart to see it that I sometimes go out of my way to bring it about.

Our Mother's Day celebration was very nice. All the locals were here and the men did all the work. Their dinner was a combination of all of our womanly requests (there were 6 mothers to deal with) plus Isaiah, whose 12th birthday celebration was also included. Our gatherings usually involve several celebrations as we put a month's worth together into one event. It was much fun and also involved a group Family Home Evening. It was centered around light as Audrey and I decided to provide a family activity that involved making emergency light kits. So Reed gave a lesson on light.

Then I provided an idea that has been on my mind for some time. I have wanted to present our family with a lighthouse picture that could be a symbol of our family. It should contain a lighted house and lighthouse on a hill in stormy seas. I could never find the perfect picture, so decided to take elements from several pictures and make one myself. It is not completely to my liking, but has all the needed elements. So I presented it to the family last Sunday. I told them that we should be like the lighthouse, filled with light and love, and built on the gospel hill for safety from the dangers of the world. We should let our family light shine out to the world, guiding them to safety. I used the parable of building a house on a hill and letting our light shine. Well, it seemed to work OK. I gave each child a picture of the lighthouse and the accompanying scriptures. They seemed to like it and get my idea. I wish I could find a way to better express the vision that I have. I find the idea of the light house so exciting; I think it is the perfect metaphor for a family.

Continued on Sunday May 16, 2010:
I have some great family news: Isaiah is now a priesthood holder! So he and James can now pass the sacrament and function in the priesthood. AND Chase received his mission call Thursday. We all gathered together for the envelope opening, with cameras in hand. The magical moment came as he read the letter from the First Presidency, calling him to serve in the Massachusetts Boston mission! We were all a-chatter then, discussing all the advantages of being in Boston. Chase was hoping not to learn a foreign language, so this suits him. And it will be filled with exposure to various historical monuments of our fight for freedom. It will doubtless be a difficult mission as far as sharing the gospel is concerned. But the challenge will be good for Chase. So, all in all, I believe we are collectively happy about this call!

Layne has been busy making various "fencing in" items for our vegetable garden. We need to protect it from gophers and squirrels underground, raccoons and deer on top of the ground and birds in the air. It would seem that any garden here would need to be enclosed all the way around to survive. Imagine what a challenge this is! But Layne, as always, has a plan. He is enclosing each plant with wire. What a project. We'll see if our tomatoes, squash, peppers and such will actually make it to our table as the summer unfolds.

Today is our last Sunday before taking Mom home to Colorado. She is excited, I think. I'm looking forward to the peace and open days of her home in Cedaredge.

Pictures: Top is our Mother's Day Feast, prepared by the guys. Girls are served first! Next is the lighthouse picture I made for a family metaphor, then comes Chase opening his all important letter from the First Presidency and last, below, is a short movie of Isaiah and the moving ferris wheel he made out of his birthday gift from Ben and Jessica.