Giving Thanks

I am trying to develop the habit of looking at life from a positive side. It usually isn't too hard for me as my life seems to be full of many good things. But I sometimes get a bit mired in the underside of things. We have a lovely view from our house on a hill. We are surrounded, from horizon to horizon, with sky. It is easy to see the cycle of the heavens from here. We see the storms move in; the stars at night are bright and distinct; a full moon lights up our little hill and floods our bedroom with a soft radiance. The hills surround our spot. They are a lovely mix of brown and green at the moment. In summary, our view of the world is beautiful. That is, it is beautiful when one looks beyond our own immediate yard. The area around our home is mostly clay soil with a few stubborn weeds that don't mind the harsh conditions of wind and clay. If I concentrate on that view it leads me in a darker direction. I am prone to complain of no lovely growing things and a rather depressing vision. Both views are a reality. But concentrating on the distant beauty surely does make me a lot happier. Besides, having no fussy plants to speak of makes playing in those places a worry-free experience. So I suppose I am trying to say that there are really two universes; one is filled with beauty and one is not. Why not choose the beauty?

This Thanksgiving was our year for family. Christmas will find our kids with the other side of the family. So everyone gathered at our house for Thanksgiving this past week, except for Gerald and his family in Taiwan. That makes 16 grandchildren all under one roof. Most of them stayed for two nights in addition to our holiday. It was a wild and crazy time. Anticipating all of those babes makes for some important preparation and quite a bit of clean-up after the party is over. But the joy of having everyone outweighs all the negatives. Jessica and her family came from Seattle; that was a treat. Of course with all those life forms running about at once there isn't much opportunity for individual bonding. But there is magic is watching the family interact. My mind feasts on that.

Mom told me that she has lately been thanking the Lord for her stroke. "Why?", I asked. She said that it has brought her family closer to her and so it is worth it to her. I suppose it is possible to be grateful for the struggles in life. I'm working on that idea. I gave a talk in Sacrament meeting today on gratitude. It reminds me that a daily counting of blessings puts me in a universe of optimism. We can pick our universe. I like being in a positive place.

Pictures: top is our Thanksgiving buffet with Ben's Jessica the most prominent disher. middle is part of our gang relaxing in the living room. Bottom picture is of our Jessica's hub Chris flying his model in the back yard with grandsons Isaiah and James watching.

The Thing about Goals

When I was a little girl I often planned what I thought would be perfect days. Sadly, most of those plans remained unfulfilled. It seems to me that many ideas and dreams are like that. At least it is so for me. I have a list of things I want to accomplish. I start most of them but finish few of them. But I must announce that I have finished my mother's autobiography! It gives me such joy to say that I have finished something I have dreamed of doing for so long. Her book sits beside me at this moment as a tribute to one goal met.

I've accomplished another small goal as well. I've decided that I will hang my own art upon the few places our home walls offer. I finished one of the drawings I want to hang. It is of sunflowers. After making 4 drawings of sunflowers I believe I'm finished with them. I also want to try my hand at creating a nativity picture with my grandchildren as the models in the picture. I took some pictures of them with candlelight reflected on their faces. We'll see if I can come up with what is in my mind to do.

Our friend Elaine is back home in Colorado. She has generously offered to send me the items of Mom's that I forgot to pack. It seems that there is always a rescue for my mishaps. I'm grateful for that. Mom is recovered from our trip here, I believe. She has been alert and perky for the past few days. There are things I'd like to do for her to make her life better but the days pass and I don't do them. So I sat down with her and we made a plan for exercising every part of her, from body to mind. With a list in hand I am hoping that I can grab hold of the time we have together and make it work for us. Time. It seems to be a gift or a curse. I aim to learn how to use it to make more of my goals become reality. Here's to making time a gift.

Bottom picture is of grandsons Timothy, William and Vincent posing for me by candlelight.

She's Back

Our last two and a half weeks without Mom went by fast. Layne and I flew into Denver on Thursday morning. We landed in the middle of a snow storm! October, and snow everywhere. We admired it for awhile (well...I did; Layne doesn't care much for snow), until we discovered that the flight we hoped for into Grand Junction was canceled. Not only that flight but all following through the afternoon. We didn't have a chance of getting into Grand Junction that day.

So I talked Layne into renting a car and driving from Denver to Cedaredge. He was exhausted from several nights with little sleep so he was very easy to influence. We rented a four wheel drive SUV and headed out. We drove through the Rockies and on into Grand Junction and then Cedaredge. It took us about 5 hours. I loved the drive! Everywhere we looked it was beautiful. I believe I have done that drive before, when very young, but it felt like a new thing for me this time. Of course I was the passenger and thus able to take in the sights with my full attention. God has truly blessed this land.

We arrived at Mom's house just after dark to find all well there, thanks to our friends the Palmers. Sister Maryanne left earlier in the day for home and the Palmers were staying with Mom until our arrival. It was all very rushed, but still pleasant. It was cold in Colorado! Winter had definitely arrived there. The next morning, Friday, we hurriedly packed up Mom's stuff, filling her car to the brim, and took off. Layne drove the rental care to the Grand Junction airport while I loaded Mom and picked up our friend, Elaine Conlan, who was coming with us for a visit to California. We picked up Layne at the airport and our drive to California began.

We drove 9 hours our first day. We made lots of potty stops but Mom held herself in check until we reached our motel in Elko, Nevada. What a woman. I couldn't have done that under any circumstances. But she repeated her performance the next day. We arrived home by 6 PM on Halloween. It was still light! It was a fun trip, full of all sorts of conversation, thanks to Elaine, a cute, red-headed talker. As we moved along I could not help but think of how difficult such a trip was a few generations ago. I'm so thankful to be able to move through space in sweet comfort, with all sorts of snacks and good company. Life is so sweet.

Growing Things

We will have had a bit over two weeks home from Colorado before leaving to return there, pack Mom up and bring her home with us. I had big plans for that time; it is the last we will have alone for some time. Of course the time flew by. But I've accomplished at least some of my plans, and one surprising one. I've finished my Christmas shopping! Gifts for 16 grandchildren--done! I'm so proud of myself. I've dreamed of doing this year after year and this year, I've made it. My granddaughter, Allegra, assisted me by reminding me of the interests of each grandchild. What a little lady to be so involved with her cousins that she could advise me with great insights.

Our yard of growing and dying things is looking a bit better. Layne has been working hard and I've been working quite a bit less than that trying to get the yard ready for winter rains. We've got more trees planted and hope to put in a few more plants within this next month. Maybe we will have a yard before too long. At the moment the living things are outnumbering the dead ones; that is always a good sign. Our little kitty, Cherry, keeps us company in the yard during all the quiet moments. She has become something of a yard mascot, as she follows us everywhere. She's a people kind of cat. I love her. The hills beyond our yard are turning a beautiful green, thanks to our early rains. The most beautiful time of the year has begun!

This week has been hectic and lovely. Grandkids were here, running through the house and generally perking things up. Grandson Scott helped with our yard project. Scouts were here, using our yard as a camp ground. It is fun to have the place filled with life forms.

On Saturday I did some face painting at a stake Halloween Carnival. I was not especially looking forward to it as I know so few people here. But, during one of my painting breaks, I ran into some Fremont friends. It was such fun catching up on their lives and laughing together over mutual memories.

We visited our old stake today, as we spoke in a Fremont ward this morning. How wonderful to be among old friends. I have come to appreciate friends that share a long history with us; who know us and love us in a familiar, affectionate kind of way. I love our new place, and the new friends we are making but it is the old friends that I find I most treasure. I didn't realize how much I would miss them once we left our familiar home base.

My life is full of life of all sorts; changing, growing kinds of life. I find it fills my soul with a quiet happiness.

Pictures: top is grandson Timothy, who visited us this past weekend with his brothers. He is the youngest child of our son Reed. He is Carmen's brother. The other picture shows Layne getting ready to plant some oak trees that he grew from seed. We are hoping they will love their spot, as trees planted before them did not.

The Races of Life

Our month with my mom is over. We are home once again, for a couple of weeks. While we were in Colorado Audrey and 4 of the grandkids visited us. We had such fun together. While they were there our neighbors, Bev and Ernie Trutner also came for a visit. We had a great bond. We went from quiet, peaceful days with Mom to busy and wild times. I liked both.

While all of this company was with us, we drove to Lisbon Valley, Mom's girlhood home. It is a haunting, beautiful place. Mom's cabin homes are still there. Also there are the graves of her father and brother. Several years ago she bought a gravestone for her brother, Larry. She has been anxious ever since to place it on his grave. We finally arranged it and went there with that errand in mind. Two of my nephews met us there. We spent the afternoon placing the stone and wandering the property. It was, as usual, quite wonderful. I especially wanted the grandchildren to see the place. I believe they enjoyed it. It was a sweet moment to observe my mom watching her family place the stone on Larry's grave, according to her instructions. Her anxiety over this errand was at last put to rest. I was happy to be a part of that.

Layne and I came home last Monday. It took all day as flights into and out of Denver were packed all day. But we were lucky and made it home in one day. Good thing. Tuesday the heavens opened in a big way. Wind and rain filled the day. I've never seen a storm like that one here; it rained ALL DAY! Trees blew down and water was everywhere. Our three cisterns, used to collect rainwater, all filled to overflowing. I love this kind of weather. Layne donned his bright yellow raincoat and waded out into the storm to rescue some of the trees that were blowing out of their ties. It was all pretty exciting. It is Sunday now and you'd just about never know there was a storm as our days are now warm and friendly.

It feels like we are racing through life! I wish I could hold time back a little. There is much to be done before we head back to Colorado to bring Mom home with us for the winter. We'll fly back on the 28th and drive home with her, arriving on Halloween. Then she will be our girl until Spring. These are interesting times with Mom. I miss the vibrant, talkative woman she was, but still enjoy her. I feel a great need to care properly for her as I feel that she is a noble woman and deserves to live in a generous environment. So I pray for generosity!

The pictures above are out of order. The top one is of Mom looking at the placement of her brother's gravestone, shown in the picture under hers. Next is Layne in his yellow rain gear out in our Tuesday storm. At the bottom is Audrey and me with grandchildren Scott, Allegra, James and Isaiah in shirts we got for participating in a walkathon at Apple Fest, a harvest celebration held each October in Cedaredge. We had such fun!

You Never Know

More and more I identify with my mom's frustrations. Imagine, if you can, being without the use of your right leg and arm, your emotions being "flattened", your mind less able to hold onto all that it is used to thinking about. It is a depressing condition to be in. One could easily wonder what in the world is the use of going on. It is hard now to know what Mom is thinking. She speaks much less often. But her determination to improve and function as she once did such a short time ago is amazing and exemplary. I try to duplicate her therapy on the days the therapist is not here. She does all I ask her to do. She surprised us a couple of days ago with her progress. As I looked into her face, it seemed to me that her eyes were especially sparkly. Instead of asking her if she wanted to rest, I asked her if she wanted to walk. She said she did. So we set her up with her walker in the kitchen. Away she went, walking around her long island counter not just once, as usual, but three times! She wasn't finished; she then walked up her ramp into the family room. Then we went outside and she walked half way down the barn yard to inspect the newly stacked hay. But she still wasn't done. She then walked on the grass in the backyard. We were amazed at her! While in all probability she will not walk much most of the time, we simply do not know! She may yet surprise us all and achieve her dream of walking freely. I'm not going to tell her it can't be done!

Fall is coming. The colors are turning. I notice them each morning that I go walking with my Colorado friend, Elaine. Fall is a magical time here. The colors simply take you away to a better place! I hope we are here to see the peak of Colorado color. With it comes cooler weather. While our California family roasts in record heat, it is sweater weather here. In fact, there have been several days when I could not get warm. We even lit the wood stove. But fall brings ups and downs. It is warming up again.

I've been working to finish Mom's life story. There is just picture arranging to go. I created a family tree for her book. It turned out so nicely I thought I'd put a copy here.

Apple Fest is coming to Cedaredge, next weekend. It is a city celebration of the apple harvest. Audrey, Allegra, Isaiah, James and Scott are coming for it. Our neighbors, Bev and Ernie Trutner are coming also the end of this week. We have enjoyed our solitude with Mom but anticipate with excitement these upcoming visits.

Weather Aventures

I hear that there is a heat wave at home. It seems to me that our part of California is rather bland in the weather department. It is hot, it is cold. Cloudy skies stay that way for awhile and clear skies prevail. But in our part of Colorado each day is a climatic adventure. Daily skies are clear, cloudy, rainy, windy, all in a short period of time. At this changing of the seasons some days are quite warm and some are cool. Our excitement for the week was a hail storm, accompanied by lighting and thunder, and wind. Wow, what a thrill! It all came just as light was leaving the day. The hail fell on Mom's metal roof, giving us quite a symphony. We couldn't ignore such a show. The wind blew hail under the front door right on the rug within the porch. You can see the hail in the picture above of Mom's deck, if you look closely. I loved it! Today was a bit calmer with only lightening, rain and thunder. And sunshine lighting up the rain. What a weather adventure!

I'm back to art lessons and loving it. I'm drawing something new just about every day. Here is a sample of one of my pastel drawings. I have to really watch myself because I can become quite lost in a drawing. It is dangerous!

Mom is getting physically stronger. She's walking more and more each day. But I worry about her spirit; she is struggling to find her path now that her old life has been taken from her. I can't quite wrap myself around how difficult it must be to have my body suddenly compromised and unable to perform. The sudden challenge of it has left her in a quandary. She is strong and resilient so I'm hoping that she will find a new purpose. We're working on that.

We've been in Colorado just over a week and the time, as always, rushes by. That seems to be the case no matter where we are or what we are doing.