Back to "Normal"

Now that Carmen is put to rest, regular life takes over. It seems so normal by comparison. I haven't written much as a result. My time is taken up mostly with Mother. She is a great person to have in my life even if helping her takes up most of my waking hours. There is so much that can be done with her to get her body moving better. But I must admit that my mind has been other places most of the time. I still think of Carmen. What should we do now? How should we continue to celebrate her short time with us? How shall we remember her best? How can we keep her memory alive with our growing family? What can I now do for Reed and Dorothy? How can I comfort and love Carmen's brothers? I have come up with a few ideas. I will supplement the picture book of Carmen that I've already made. I've drawn three portraits of Carmen for Reed and Dorothy, including one of her grown up. Of course I had to imagine it. I find concentrating on her face and the reproduction of it very therapeutic. Friends continue to surround us with loving support and suggestions. Reid and Joan Brown took us to dinner last night and filled us with ideas for keeping up Carmen's memory. I felt quite inspired. Above are my portraits of Carmen, as a toddler, just before her illness and as she might have looked as a young woman.

In the meantime, life goes on. Our hillside is filled with wildflowers. The small fruit trees are all a-blossom. The deer are back, checking out the local growing things. Even the wild turkeys give us a show. Our living room window offers us a cast of dozens that perform before our eyes with beauty and humor that rivals anything on the tube.

Our local family gathered this past week to celebrate St. Pat's day with the traditional corn beef and cabbage. Jessica prepared it all and brought it to our house. It was delicious! We gathered around the table for a wonderful feast amidst as much green as I could create. The kids, of course, ran in and out and noisily played together. When we are all together it is a wonderful feeling even amidst the chaos. I will admit that I sometimes long for a bit more one-on-one bonding. I suppose we must visit family by family for more of that. I think often of how to get closer to the heart of our family. There are so many of us now. I wish I were better at communication; there are so many things in my heart that I don't know how to get out.

Left picture is a view from our bedroom window. Right is Abigail Carmen offering her early smiles to Audrey.

And so life goes on, with my personal space filled to the brim with people that love and nurture me. I'm grateful for that most of all.