Quieter Times

Now that visiting family has gone, relative quiet reigns. It is interesting to me that I have adjusted to quiet as much as I was adjusted to noise in my earlier years. We are adaptable beings, after all. In my youth I seemed very dependent upon interaction with as many people as possible. Now I enjoy my quieter days. To have a day totally open to my own pleasures and pursuits is still rare, but wonderful when it happens.

Not that it has happened lately. When the people depart the assignments fill in. We have lots of those lately. Layne and I are in charge of writing and organizing historical vignettes for our upcoming youth pioneer trek in June. It is quite an undertaking. I sheepishly admit that Layne has done the lion's share of the work. I also guiltily admit that I haven't insisted that it be otherwise. He is so organized in his thinking that, when he gets on an organizational roll, I had best move out of the way. So, mostly, I have.

During Ben and Jessica's stay with us a few weeks ago (for the de-molding of their home), we hit upon the idea that a wall bed in our study would be much more comfortable for guests than the futon bed we had there. We found the perfect one and ordered it, hoping that it would arrive in time for an anticipated visit from Ger and Fran. The bed had to be made from scratch so the wait would be weeks. Hopefully we looked forward to its arrival in time for Ger and Fran. Of course it didn't come. Guess when it did? Right after they left, of course. It is installed in our study. I love it! Included here is a picture of it closed and open. Now I can't wait for someone to come and use it!

For me, this period of time is filled with a cycle of woman sickness. Not mine personally, but that of several woman friends. Friend Deb Anderson is struggling with a complicated disease; Josephine Jose, in my age bracket somewhere, is recovering from a stroke. Bud Pat Green is recovering from major surgery. Sister Maryanne is recovering from another knee surgery. Colorado friend Elaine Conlan is fighting pain of an unknown cause. Of course there is also Mom. She needs lots of help and is settling into the notion that she will for the reminder of her days. All of us are close to the same age (except for Mom). It is interesting to me that so many friends at once are having difficulties. And all are women! I thought we were the tough ones! I have high hopes for all of these women but can't help finding it interesting that this cycle of trouble is so full of female victims. At least, for now, I am not among them.

Layne and I heard a talk last night from a man named Tom Hansen, who worked with President Hinckley for a time. He quoted President H as saying that "old age is painful." I suppose all of us that are becoming old must face that state of things. It seems to be the price we must pay to get out of here. And I'm perfectly willing to do that, when the time comes.

This is a rather somber thought to depart on, so I've included yet another picture of our poppies and lavender. It is too amazing for words to look out our window upon the happy sight of poppies moving in the frequent breezes, and lavender filled with buzzing honeybees, with the flag blowing happily in the background. It brings joyful thoughts and hopes to mind.

Our Taiwanese Family

It seems to me that life brings a series of extremes with little time for what could be called "balance". I find that I'm a person that usually longs for a balanced life. By that I mean a perfect combination of time to pursue my own interests and those of others. But life usually brings just the opposite; lots of time for personal stuff or lots of time filled with the needs of others. I suppose the balance comes at the end of a life, looking back at the final combination of things. I find that most of my time is taken up with others. Of the two choices, I prefer the people. We've had lots of that lately.

(Bottom picture shows Ben's son William's family birthday celebration. The kids always take quite an interest in presents, no matter whose they are. In the top picture you see the kids on a museum outing. Can you tell which are my Chinese babes?)

Son Gerald and his wife Frances live in Taiwan, where they own two English schools. They love their work. Their two children, Seth and Angelica, are very busy attending school. Things in Taiwan, according to Gerald, are very busy for just about everyone. There is little time for family or fun, he says. So when they stayed with us this past week the kids really got into "fun." Sons Reed and Ben and families spent time with us during their visit, so there was lots of action around here. That is my excuse for not writing sooner.








(Here you see the grandbabes playing Family Home Evening games and playing in the back yard mud.)

When I was younger, I loved talking to people and getting an understanding of what they were about. I find that I do very little of that now. But when Gerald visits, intimate discussions seem to emerge. It is fun to delve into one another's thoughts. There seems to be few opportunities to do that these days. Gerald is my bonding son. He always has things that need saying. I enjoy that. I love his Frances too. She is a bright, good woman. Our visit with them was quite enjoyable.

Mom had an "event" a week or so ago. She didn't feel well. She was sitting in her wheel chair when she turned pale, broke out in a cold sweat, lifted up her head, rolled her eyes back, open her mouth and babbled incoherently. It only lasted a few seconds and she was back to normal. It frightened me. I put her to bed and checked her for signs of a stroke. None appeared. I was alone with her at the time but when Cliff and Layne returned home I had Cliff check her out. She appeared to be fine. I've no idea why she should have experienced such a thing and it put me in mind that she may be getting ready to leave us. I wonder if I am being prepared for that. I will find it hard when that time comes. I feel my mother in my bones.

Gerald and family left on Friday morning. Our house is quiet once again. I have spent much of the time cleaning things up. I find that task helps me to miss them less. Busy-ness seems to be a cure for loneliness. Soon things begin to feel normal again. The house feels peaceful rather than empty.





(In these photos you see Dorothy and foster baby (Reed and Dorothy are providing foster care for babies now), Frances and Gerald, and Gerald telling Mom goodbye.)

The Way Plans Go

I am by nature a spontaneous girl. But I am married to a highly structured, plan ahead, kind of guy. While clashes resulted from our first efforts to meld these two views of life, time has softened me to planning. So it is frustrating to me to be caught by unplanned events that crowd into my days. I'm trying to loosen up. You would think it wouldn't be hard for a free spirit like myself but, now, it is. Last weekend the kids decided to move our annual Easter egg hunt to this weekend. Now, after years of turning the hunt over to others, I'm back in charge. So, on Saturday afternoon, the whole family gang gathered for the traditional hunt.

In the pictures above you can see our daytime and night time hunts.

We divided the kids into older and younger groups for the hunt and had two separate events. The younger ones found their eggs in the bright light of afternoon. It was a beautiful, sunny, warm day, so it was perfect! We saved the other hunt, for the older kids, for night. Under a full moon, and with flashlights in hand, our 5 older kids hunted for eggs with reflector strips on them. It was an experiment. They loved it! I feel totally over my struggle with the schedule change, caught instead in the limelight of a successful hunt.

When the family gathers we usually celebrate whatever birthdays come during the month. Son Ben and grandson James were celebrated during our egg hunt day. You can see them in the accompanying picture. When there is a birthday, there must be pie. I made Ben and James each their favorite ones. Families are a lot of work but, in my quiet moments of contemplation, I feel so full of happiness over having so many good people bound to me. Indeed, now that I'm an older woman, I can see the miracles that time works as our children make more children, all caught in the circle of family. There is nothing better than this.

Ben and Jes are settled back in their home after an intense effort at de-molding the house. Things seem back to normal there. I know that because Layne and I babysat the kids on Wednesday, at their house, so Jes could take Ben on a birthday date. It's fun to have the kids to ourselves. They are great little kids. Often things that seem like such an effort when anticipated, actually turn out to be easier than planned. I seems to me that anticipation of things either makes them better or worse than real life. What I thought would be lots of work turned into just fun.

Ben's daughter, Alexis, sits amidst our poppies. I planted a few and now look what time and a little rain has brought us!

Ups and Downs

Time changes things, for better or for worse. This week things are better. My "down" is moving "up". I cannot take credit for that; it seems to simply be the cycle of things and the sweet intervention of happy circumstances and loving friends.

Layne created a match-making circumstance on Monday. We invited two single friends to dinner. It was a lovely evening. But you never know how the meeting of strangers is going to turn out. We chatted and laughed the evening away. I'm not convinced that matchmaking is our strength, but we'll see what comes of it.

Mom is caught up in books on tape. She spends her days, after exercising, in her easy chair listening to "The Work and the Glory" series. She loves it. I'm happy to see her mind engaged, for she has a very good one. I feel myself experimenting less with her care. She seems to have stabilized at a level that is not likely to improve, I'm thinking. So I am in maintenance mode. Every once in awhile, Mom says something insightful. This week she said, quite out of the blue, "this stroke has taken my enthusiasm." I can see that she is right. I miss her ideas and theories. She says very little now. Still, she is a pleasant presence in my life. Here you see her resting on a chair in the hall, in between walking exercises.

Our foster daughter Michelle, has a lovely daughter that loves to sing. Kelsey is performing in a high school musical and Michelle invited us to come and see her in it. It sometimes seems to me that little care is taken to choose dramas and musicals with a positive message for our youth in high school, so I worried about this production. We went on Friday and saw "Aida". The musical was well done and, even better, had an uplifting message! Kelsey was lovely as she joined a cast that put in a quality performance. I'm so glad we went!

Yesterday was deliciously empty of commitments. When a day opens before me I often anticipate it with all sorts of plans that excite me. But all too often I take my time getting to them. After all, when there is time it is an almost irresistible urge to let it pass leisurely by. I did that for part of the day. I quite enjoyed it.

The recent rain has fed the few flowers we have in our yard and,
what do you know, there are spots that look lovely! Isn't it
amazing what a little rain will do!

Down

Today I am struggling with a definite "down". Perhaps my problem centers around my need to feel productive. It seems like I base my feelings of esteem on what I can crowd into a day. I'm not sure why just relaxing doesn't seem to fit comfortably in my life. Today I taught my usual Sunday School class. I don't feel that it went especially well. I was disappointed. Actually, I still am. It seems to be a funny quirk of human nature to dwell on the negative a bit too much. So I rationally tell myself to simply try a different angle next time and move on. But I still feel stubbornly "down".

We awoke several mornings ago to noisy outside chatter. As we looked outside our bedroom window we became the happy witnesses of an interesting courtship going on among the local turkeys. You can see in this picture the efforts this male was going to. We figure he was hoping to catch at least one girl's eye. But, as you can see, they seem quite uninterested. So goes the world of turkey love life.
I've been helping my friend Debbie write her life story each Friday. Our routine is now established. We visit, eat a little lunch, then she describes a piece of her childhood to me as I type it up for her. I then read my version of what she has said back to her. It is a happy errand for me. I cannot say why it is so pleasurable. Perhaps it is just good company. Or perhaps it is the good feeling that comes from doing something for someone else. Hearing Debbie's story is a pleasure to us both. I suppose I am a little surprised at my enjoyment of it.

Layne and I went on one of our rare nights out on Saturday. We packaged Mom up and met friends at a Chinese restaurant in Fremont called China Chilies. It was cuisine heaven. Rarely can I say that eating out is worth it. This time it was!

A House of Many

Our family adventures continue. So much so that there hasn't been time to blog. Ben and Jes discovered mold in their home at caustic levels. So they have moved in with us while their rented home is "de-molded." What a wild and crazy time we have had as we have blended stuff, activities and life-forms. We have even shared the one-day flu. Ben began it, then shared with every single one of us, including Mom. I do my best to forget how very much I detest nausea. My memory was dramatically refreshed as I spent one night experiencing it last week. Mom experienced the same thing the very same night. By morning we were over it, just weak and depleted. On the bug moved to the others in our expanded household. Last week was all about being sick.

In the picture to the right you can see Ben's Jessica and four of their children on our front step: Jacqueline, William, Zachary and Alexis.

This week has been busy but healthy. The BJ children are very proactive. With Mom in our only guest room, the only space available for the BJ family of 7 is our study. So they all stuffed themselves in there. You can see the layout in the accompanying picture. It was a great time to influence Layne for a different arrangement. We shopped for, and found, a great Murphy bed. I'm so excited about it! It will be a queen-sized bed that folds up on the wall, again, in the study. The mattress will be a good one and, when not in use, it will take up very little space. It will be a comfortable place at last.

I also shared my dream for our "dungeon" room downstairs with Layne. It would be a great place for kids to sleep if we fixed it up. Layne is a bit less enthusiastic about this idea but I plan to wear him down. My creative juices are always way ahead of my time and energy but I'm determined to make this vision come true. It would be such a wonderful space for the children. Especially as opposed to the usual romp through our upstairs living spaces. Having our little gang here for almost two weeks has been very motivating!

I found my usual reprieve from the madness at the temple, for our weekly service. Talking over my feelings with dear friends brings out of me thoughts that I didn't exactly know were there. I try this talk-bonding with Layne but it doesn't work nearly as well. He's a great listener but doesn't have much to say to my ponderings except, "Uh huh." But women always have something to say it seems. I can see why it is such a good thing to spend time with them. I felt so refreshed after being with my temple girls.

All of the rain here has made our hills a rich green. How I love looking out upon them. We were doing just that the other day when we were embraced by a beautiful rainbow. Rainbows are always so awe-inspiring. We gazed at it and took pictures to try and capture the wonder of it. Gazing downward at our struggling front yard brought the vision of a particular plant that has rejoiced at being in the yard. I planted a few poppies last fall in the hopes that they might do well. They have exploded! They are huge and have made endless babies that have nestled themselves in desirable and undesirable places. I actually had to pull some of them out! So there you have it. There is some kind of plant that will love just about any place on earth. We just have to make the right match. I guess poppies were made for our hill.

This past Saturday the whole family made our way to Brentwood to see Reed and Dorothy's third son, Vincent, baptized. What a joyous event! As I ponder all of the frustrations of life, I feel so grateful that the growing family that surrounds us are well cared for, intelligent, healthy people. They require endless amounts of time, but what is our time for? Besides, its better to be busy than bored.

On Being Flexible

I've got lots of assignments right now. My days and nights are full of thoughts and ideas for fulfilling them. I plan my days carefully to make sure all my bases are covered. But plans are meant to be altered. I rarely get through a planned day uninterrupted. But I believe I am learning not to fret over this. I am proud to say that I think I am getting much better at flexibility. I was put to the test this week.

My daughter-in-law Dorothy has been babysitting Ben and Jessica's five children this past week while B & J were in Europe. Dorothy is amazing with children. She handled all those babes very well. Reed, who is looking for a job, stayed home with their four boys during this time. On Monday Dorothy called to see if she could bring the BJ kids over for a visit. It was a holiday, you see. "Of course" I told her, and meant it. She mentioned that Reed was also coming with the four boys. So I dropped my plans for the day and embraced our sweet invasion. Happily the children romped, played and ate until we needed to leave for a Monday night Family Home Evening at a friend's house. So family left for family night. That just doesn't seem right, does it? It was a full but happy day with none of my goals for the day being met.

We went to the temple on Wednesday, always a sweet treat. Being there is so good for my soul. But we come home exhausted and usually take a nap to perk up for the rest of the day. Just as I was drifting off I heard a happy little voice at the front door exclaim, "Hi, we're here to spend the night with you!" It turns out that we wound up in the middle of a little Palo Alto adventure. Sometime that morning a private plane crashed, bringing down some electrical wires that caused a black-out in the surrounding Palo Alto area. Our BJ home was affected. To add to that, Dorothy awoke that morning feeling absolutely terrible. The loss of power in the house was the last straw for her. She bundled the kids up and brought them to our house, then went home and to bed!

You can see two of our little invaders above: B&J's Zachary and William.

So, for another day, we were happily entertained by busy little ones. We played with them, fed them, bathed them and put them to bed. Shortly after that Ben and Jes' flight arrived from Europe. They checked for power at home, then drove over to get the kids. They visited for awhile, packed up their sleeping babes, and went home. And so, by 10:30 PM it was as if nothing had happened.

I am amazed at how things come together. I have been able to prepare myself for all that I'm responsible for, even with all the interruptions. The Lord compensates when we look out for the people in our lives first. I've experienced this before too. So why do I doubt? Why do I fret? Why don't I remember this principle? The people versus stuff war is alive and well in our household. I'm happy to say that the people won this week. Now if I can just remember this.

Our granddaughter, Carmen, died one year ago on Thursday the 18th. Time passes quickly now, whether in celebration or in mourning. It seems like she just left. I was determined to visit her grave on this day and talked Layne into it. We loaded Mom in the car, bought some flowers, and headed out. We didn't do much at her grave, but it was important to me to be there; to think of her, to thank God for her and to never forget her. I reviewed her face, the sound of her voice, her laugh. I reviewed it all at her graveside. She is gone, but I am grateful that she once was here.