A Quiet time

When I was a girl, many weekends offered wonderful possibilities for doing whatever I set it into my mind to do. It was delicious, open time.  I can remember talking about possibilities for the use of this time often, with Mother and my sister Maryanne.  Mother was a very creative person and always had lots of ideas.  We sometimes got so caught up with possibilities that we literally spent the whole of our open time talking about them instead of doing them.  It is a funny, happy memory.  I wonder if it contributed to my feeling now that, somehow, accomplishment is tied to my feelings of worth.  As in my girlhood, I still plan my open time to include accomplishing the myriad of goals I have set for myself.  It is joyful to see some goal met, some activity completed.

This past week offered a gift of open time.  But there was little accomplished.  Not that I didn't try.  I had great hopes of finally finishing a jacket that I started weeks ago.  It was a creative project.  I designed the style and created the pattern.  I planned to line it with thermal material, for warmth.  But the pattern was too big and the lining material didn't lay properly.  I have worked over it for hours trying to make it right.  Last night, after ripping out the sleeves three times, I gave up.  For the moment.  As last night marked the end of my week, I felt such a depression.  I felt the hours spent on this project were wasted.  I had little to show for my 5 days of relatively open time.  My mind says I should not respond this way, but my emotions carry on without my permission.

Things are better after a night's sleep.  I'll work on that jacket again, after my mind has had time to think up solutions to the various issues regarding it.  And I did do other things this past week that were measurable accomplishments.  And why in the world can't I just relax and enjoy the time given to me?  Why must it always be filled with projects?  I don't know.

We have had lots of rain, finally.  Our yard looks as good as it ever does.  It's a very good time for potential buyers to check out our house.  Layne has been full of optimism about selling this place and talks of all that we can do once it is sold.  He feels a lightness at the very thought of it.  He has been anticipating a visit from the man who voiced such an interest in our home last week.  But we've not heard from him.  Perhaps, as we originally thought, it will take some time to find a buyer after all.  I'm happy and sad about this.

Granson Timmy finding an egg at last Saturday's hunt.

Our colorful yard showing the house in the background.

A beautiful mix of orange and purple fills our front yard.

And so we face another week.  It is looking a bit fuller than the last.  I'm trying not to fill it up with dreams.