You Never Know

More and more I identify with my mom's frustrations. Imagine, if you can, being without the use of your right leg and arm, your emotions being "flattened", your mind less able to hold onto all that it is used to thinking about. It is a depressing condition to be in. One could easily wonder what in the world is the use of going on. It is hard now to know what Mom is thinking. She speaks much less often. But her determination to improve and function as she once did such a short time ago is amazing and exemplary. I try to duplicate her therapy on the days the therapist is not here. She does all I ask her to do. She surprised us a couple of days ago with her progress. As I looked into her face, it seemed to me that her eyes were especially sparkly. Instead of asking her if she wanted to rest, I asked her if she wanted to walk. She said she did. So we set her up with her walker in the kitchen. Away she went, walking around her long island counter not just once, as usual, but three times! She wasn't finished; she then walked up her ramp into the family room. Then we went outside and she walked half way down the barn yard to inspect the newly stacked hay. But she still wasn't done. She then walked on the grass in the backyard. We were amazed at her! While in all probability she will not walk much most of the time, we simply do not know! She may yet surprise us all and achieve her dream of walking freely. I'm not going to tell her it can't be done!

Fall is coming. The colors are turning. I notice them each morning that I go walking with my Colorado friend, Elaine. Fall is a magical time here. The colors simply take you away to a better place! I hope we are here to see the peak of Colorado color. With it comes cooler weather. While our California family roasts in record heat, it is sweater weather here. In fact, there have been several days when I could not get warm. We even lit the wood stove. But fall brings ups and downs. It is warming up again.

I've been working to finish Mom's life story. There is just picture arranging to go. I created a family tree for her book. It turned out so nicely I thought I'd put a copy here.

Apple Fest is coming to Cedaredge, next weekend. It is a city celebration of the apple harvest. Audrey, Allegra, Isaiah, James and Scott are coming for it. Our neighbors, Bev and Ernie Trutner are coming also the end of this week. We have enjoyed our solitude with Mom but anticipate with excitement these upcoming visits.

Weather Aventures

I hear that there is a heat wave at home. It seems to me that our part of California is rather bland in the weather department. It is hot, it is cold. Cloudy skies stay that way for awhile and clear skies prevail. But in our part of Colorado each day is a climatic adventure. Daily skies are clear, cloudy, rainy, windy, all in a short period of time. At this changing of the seasons some days are quite warm and some are cool. Our excitement for the week was a hail storm, accompanied by lighting and thunder, and wind. Wow, what a thrill! It all came just as light was leaving the day. The hail fell on Mom's metal roof, giving us quite a symphony. We couldn't ignore such a show. The wind blew hail under the front door right on the rug within the porch. You can see the hail in the picture above of Mom's deck, if you look closely. I loved it! Today was a bit calmer with only lightening, rain and thunder. And sunshine lighting up the rain. What a weather adventure!

I'm back to art lessons and loving it. I'm drawing something new just about every day. Here is a sample of one of my pastel drawings. I have to really watch myself because I can become quite lost in a drawing. It is dangerous!

Mom is getting physically stronger. She's walking more and more each day. But I worry about her spirit; she is struggling to find her path now that her old life has been taken from her. I can't quite wrap myself around how difficult it must be to have my body suddenly compromised and unable to perform. The sudden challenge of it has left her in a quandary. She is strong and resilient so I'm hoping that she will find a new purpose. We're working on that.

We've been in Colorado just over a week and the time, as always, rushes by. That seems to be the case no matter where we are or what we are doing.

Two Homes

Our month at home swept past and our time to return to Colorado has come. Layne and I flew to Colorado on Friday via a long wait in the Denver Airport. But happily I had plenty to do so I didn't mind much. Layne loves to sit and watch the people go by. I prefer having a project of some sort. Such could be found on my laptop so I spent lots of time there. What a blessing it is to bring so much information along so easily. The Airport provided the internet connection so the world was open to me from my seat in the waiting area. In spite of the wait, we made it to Colorado before dark. My sister Maryanne has been with Mother for the past month. She is a beat little chicken so it is a good thing that we are here to replace her. She wants me to mention that one reason why she is so tired is because she has been here with Mom alone; no hub to help. I'm mentioning that for her sake.

Mom looks good but I fear that she is losing some of her motivation to improve her situation. I think she may be beginning to settle for what she has got. Not that she is happy about it. She struggles to find meaning in her much more confined life. I feel moved to help her with that. I think one of her purposes could be family history. I'm excited to say that her life story is just about complete and ready to be uploaded and printed into book form. I have what I like to call the "DiVinci" condition. As you may know he had trouble finishing some of his work, most notably the Mona Lisa. He worked on it for seven years and never allowed himself to call it done. He died and then it was "done!" I seem to have the same trouble. As I near completion of various projects I almost always figure out a better way to do them and then I have trouble finishing them the way I started them. Do you follow me here? I'm having that trouble calling Mom's book finished. But I will push myself and do it.....soon.

It is lovely here, as usual. It is a strange thing to say, perhaps, but I enjoy being here almost as much as I enjoy being home. With spending so much time here, this place is beginning to feel like my own place, somewhat. I've organized things here to some extent. So much have I made myself at home that I get confused when I'm in my own home as to where things are! Maryanne has the same problem. Is it a senior thing? Or have we just spent way too much time here!