Kisers

Since Mom has been home from the hospital we have been talking about a get-together with our local Kiser relatives. The Kisers I'm referring to consist of my father's brother, Uncle Mike, and his two children (my cousins) Michael and Judy. We had a date with them for dinner last Saturday afternoon. It involved traveling to San Francisco, where Michael lives. Mom really wanted to go. Saturday morning she was all for it. I began helping her get ready about 1:00. "I don't think I'm up to going," she said then. I could see that she was torn; she is a people girl and really wanted to make this journey. Yet she felt weak and tired. It was hard for her to give up the trip. I took her picture and recorded a message to the family from her so that they could feel her spirit even though she wasn't there. We tucked her back into her favorite chair, put on some music and left her in the care of the kids downstairs.

We made the 50 minute drive to Michael's home in Brisbane (by San Francisco) without Mom. It felt funny to be just the two of us. I teased Layne that he was taking me out on a date at last. He isn't big on such things, you see. After our arrival at Michael's home we remembered that he has very steep stairs leading to his front door. Thank goodness we didn't bring Mom. How would we have ever managed to get her inside! We had a great time bonding with those Kisers. They enjoyed the message from Mom and were fascinated with the means of that message: my iphone. "What's that thing called?" Judy asked. In case you are wondering, all of them are "tech-retarded". I had such fun showing them all the tricks my little phone can do. They were full of "ooohs" with each function.

I have wonderful childhood memories of my Kiser relatives. As a grown-up I've discovered a few skeletons in the Kiser closet, but when we were children, all was sweet and loving. Though our lives have taken very different directions over the years, when we are together there is friendship and loving connections. I love spending time with them. Not many of the older generation are left now. My Uncle Mike is 91, just two years younger than Mom. His wife Bette is not far behind him. Once they are gone, WE are the older generation.

Pictures: Top is Mom just before we left to go to Michael's. Bottom is the local Kiser gang:
L to R: Stan Perry (Judy's husband), Helen (Michael's significant other for many years), Judy Kiser Perry, Michael Kiser, Bette Kiser (Uncle Mike's wife) and Uncle Mike (Daddy's younger brother).

Mothers Galore

Mom is home! She came home last Thursday. Oxygen tanks now sit in a row in our house and we have regular nurses, from a local Hospice. She is a different woman; much weaker with little appetite. She wants to sleep, sleep, sleep. She is still her sweet self, but in a different place. "My body is getting ready to die," she told me a couple of days ago. She is making a shift from living to dying. That is a major change for her. She has been so focused on life. But here's the thing. Her left lung is partially working. There is air exchange there. Her oxygen needs have greatly reduced. How interesting. I believe that she is on her way to the next world, but, perhaps, more slowly than previously thought.

Since Sunday was Mother's Day, I got an idea for Mom. I asked those close to her to write her a love letter. I printed them up and read them to her. She loved them! They are all in a binder now for her to review when she wants to. I want to surround her with love so that she can begin her exit with loving support. I hope I'm up to helping her on her way, when it becomes clear it is needed.

I stayed home from Church on Mom's Day, to be with my mom. She is too tired to leave the house right now. It is the first time I've missed Church for a very long time. It felt strange. I read the scriptures and organized my itune music so as the have a nice collection of Sabbath music to play when the family came. It was fun. Mom slept through it all.

Layne talked with all our family moms, asking them for food requests for Sunday. He and Cliff came up with quite an imaginative menu for our Mom's Day feast. There was roasted chicken for me, taco salad for Audrey, spinach pie for Jessica and Indian butter chicken for Dorothy. Mom isn't eating much so there was no special dish for her. But our desserts followed the same pattern as our dinner. And the guys prepared it all. It was great. We had lots of fun with the family and lots of food. Sadly for grandson Isaiah, Sunday was also his birthday. He got a little lost on Sunday. Anticipating that, his folks celebrated it on Saturday. That turned out to be a very good decision.

People. Family. I'm so grateful to have them in my life. I'm glad that I decided many years ago to marry a fine man and have a family. My joy in them grows as the years pass. I thank the Lord for family.

Pictures: Top is our Mother's Day chef Layne on the job. Next is Mom responding to one of her Mother's Day calls. She looks pretty good, doesn't she? Even now, she gets high on people. Then comes our ever-growing baby Bruce (Reed and Dorothy's #5 son), Bottom picture is our birthday boy, Isaiah, enjoying our birthday gift to him, one day early.

My Mama

Mom is still in the hospital. Her left lung is still deflated, in spite of all the doctor has tried. The sac around her lung has been drained twice. What mucus there was in her lung has been suctioned out. Air has been pumped into the lung to stimulate it to work. So far, nothing has convinced that lung to re-inflate. The doctor now feels that it probably will not. Perhaps, he surmises, it has been deflated longer than we thought and is too injured to function. In any case, the doctor told us last night that there seems to be nothing left to do but bring her home, on oxygen. Eventually, he surmises, the lung will become infected and that infection will spread into her blood and that will be a fatal situation. So he suggests that we arrange for hospice care in our home for her. It looks like she will be ready to return home in a couple of days.

I feel like there is a cloud over my mind. I can hardly take this in. I have been steeling myself to lose Mom at some nebulous future time. Now it feels imminent. And it appears that I must be the one to help her leave. I have been preparing myself to do this, but now it feels painful. Mom has always stood before me as a shining example of a benevolent, fruitful life. I have taken joy in her zest for living, her creative thinking, her fabulous memory, her ongoing intelligence. She is bright and insightful even now.

Layne says not to invest in such thoughts yet. She may get that lung going after all. It is not that I don't want her to be able to leave us when she is ready; it is that I don't want her to leave this way. I was so hoping that she could just slip away, sweetly and gently. Of course few of us get to do that. But she so deserves it. Still, I have great faith that the Lord is in charge and He will help us all. I believe it will all turn to our benefit. So I will steel myself for whatever needs to be done.