Dog whimpers

Mom has been complaining of late about being "mauled". I can only imagine how hard it must be to not be able to move on one's own and have to put up with so much handling by others. Mom is still adjusting to being sedentary and of course she doesn't like it. Our care of her is an evolving adventure as we discover new problems and new solutions. Of late the problem is the mauling thing. So I gave her an option of wearing sweats on days that no company is expected and sleeping in the same outfit so as to cut down on the man-handling (woman-handling, actually). She likes the idea so we are doing it. But each evening she has begun with what I teasingly call dog whimpers. As I lift her and rotate her for the evening routine the whimpers begin. She sounds like a little dog crying for attention. "What's wrong, Mom," I ask. "Nothing" she replies. And the whimpers continue. I often look her in the eye, call her my little doggie, and whimper back. That cracks her up. I love to see her smile and laugh (she does too little of both) and so the whimpering evening conversations continue. Such is the "evolution" of things with Mom.

A friend suggested that we face Mom's chair toward the view window in the living room. I did that and she loves it. When she awakes from her daily snoozes, she looks outside at the panoramic view, and it pleases her. I believe nature has great powers to heal the spirit. We have blue skies today but the massive amounts of rain have turned our countryside into a velvet green. In the picture here you can see the lovely view that Mom sees from her easy chair. There are such wonders of nature that dance before our view, if we take the time to see. I need to do more of it.

We've had such storms and winds here. They reek havoc with our fussy yard, adding to our problems with growing things. So many of our newly planted trees have died that we treasure those that are left. The front yard holds one of the last of the trees close to the house. It is a flowering cherry tree and my special baby. The wind blew it down last week. It was a sad sight indeed to see it lying there in the mud, surrounded by exploding poppy plants. Layne was ready to haul it away, but Cliff carefully righted it and tied it up. We'll see if it can survive. In the meantime, the few poppy plants I put in the yard have had multitudes of babies. In the same picture you can see them. They are everywhere! So we have found a growing thing that likes it here, a little too well. Who knew that we would need to actually control the spreading of a growing thing out here? Wonders never cease.

We've had a busy week. Layne sang in his quartet for our Church's stake conference. He looked so handsome standing on the stand, between his singing companions. He has a fine singinging voice. Sometimes I forget how fine a man he is when he is so much with me. Because of him, our place is in working order, with all broken things fixed. He manages his time, as always, most efficiently. I, being basically free spirited and by nature disorganized, do my best to emulate his good example. After years of watching him I must admit that I am a tad more disciplined. How I admire order and organization. I continue to be a work in progress.

Life in the Clouds

Every morning now for some time we have awakened to a white world. Layne says we sit in the middle of clouds on these winter days. I like clouds and rain so I don't mind the misty effect of our winter views. Lately the mist has turned to rain and more rain. How we have hoped for a nice wet winter. We especially look forward to rain since our well puts out water that does a pretty adequate job of poisoning our plants with its heavy doses of boron and salt. So we collect rain in cisterns for summer watering. Thus, the 4 day storms that have drenched us for the past week have brought mostly blessings. I say mostly because the accompanying winds have, once again, blow down some of our trees. Trees are a scarcity here so we mourn the loss of each one, carefully planted with hopes of a future forest.

Often, as I sit in our study, I hear the sounds of a manly voice drifting up our stairway. Those sounds could be counted on to confirm the presence of son-in-law Cliff. But lately they have come from a grandson who has found his manhood. Chase is now 18, six foot three (rivaling his grandfather) and announces his own presence with a deeply resonating voice. He seems to have made this change suddenly. Yet it is not so; he has matured at a slow and steady pace but somehow the voice change caps his manliness. I remember being started at my own sons' change of sound and, so soon, here it is again. I have a grown-up grandson!

That means, of course, that I am getting much older. I have to remind myself of my years because I feel so much the same as I always have. The latest reminder came on Monday, as I celebrated another birthday. It was an unusually nice celebration for me. It was even a holiday! Never mind that it was in celebration of someone else. I still felt honored. Each of my children called except Gerald, who called several days later. Lots of sweet people wished me well, including our empty nest group, which met at our house, conveniently for my celebration, the night of my birthday. So I had many well wishers, which warmed my heart. For some reason it is important to me to hear from my children on my day. Perhaps I just need to know that they remember me and that they love me. They rarely let me down.

My sister, Maryanne, came for a visit over my birthday, which added to the sweetness of it. She is struggling with various health issues but is still such fun to have around. We didn't do much but not much is needed for a sweet bond to occur. Mom especially enjoyed having both of her girls nearby and tending to her needs. She feels so badly about being needy. I feel quite challenged in the care of her. I'm worried that I do not do enough to strengthen her and to stimulate her interests. She seems to languish much of the time. She says her mind often feels "empty". I do not understand all the effects of her stroke but she is greatly diminished. Still, there is lots of her left; enough to rejoice over. I'm focusing on that.

Pictures: Top is a typical winter morning in the clouds. Next is me in my Niagara Falls raincoat braving pouring rain to dump the compost. Then comes the grown-up grandson, Chase. Ben's Jessica and their children stopped by on my birthday to sing to me. Left is me with my sister, Maryanne.

First of the Year Dreams

January is sort of like Monday; the beginning of measured time to follow. It is filled with possibilities. In January my mind soars with hopes for great things to come and great productivity on my part. I'm organizing my spaces to work better. I hate to admit that I've done this endless times before, come up with various systems to smooth out my routine and then....forgot to use them. How can I make this year different? I'm working on that. In the meantime I'm creating more systems...

It has been overcast here for many days but the clouds we seem to be living in are not producing much rain. Still, our 5 cisterns are full, which will provide garden nourishment for the coming summer months. So, I'm not complaining. I like the clouds; they don't dampen my spirits at all. In fact, they provide a symbol for me of the nourishing efforts of the heavens. Rain is life.

My nest is empty of kids but somehow there seems to be as much to do as ever. Why is that? I'm thankful for things to do but wonder how to properly prioritize. Am I doing what I should? Am I caring for Mom as I should? What should I reasonably expect that she will be able to accomplish? What should I reach for? It is unfamiliar ground for me. Sometimes I feel quite alone in my responsibility for her care. Layne stands ready to help me, but it feels like all the decisions regarding her are mine alone. I hope I'm not letting her down. She is such a noble soul and deserving of the best experience that can be offered her.

It is the people versus stuff war again being waged in my head. People often interfere with my plans. But wait, aren't I doing my stuff for the people in my life? Yes, I am. People really are the most important thing. So I'm letting the people interrupt me as much as they'd like!

Pictured here are good friends Jody and Jerry Jensen. They provided sweet interruption for an afternoon that we enjoyed totally. Pictured also is Layne talking with his hands to the Jensens. The kids tease him about this particular trait. Here you see him in the midst of major hand talk.

Holiday thoughts

Left is our Carmen tree. If you look closely, you can see pictures of her hanging on the branches. Picture below the tree is of grandsons Zachary and William (Ben's sons) at the end of a hard day of play. Top of bottom three pictures is Mom with granddaughters Alexis and Jacqueline (Ben's girls). In the middle picture Audrey and Reed are playing a duet during our Christmas family talent night. Bottom picture is of daughter Audrey, granddaughter Rayne and me. Rayne is on her way back to school at BYU Idaho.






It is often hard for me to separate Christmas fantasies from realities. My mind leaps into dreams of how things could be and what I could do to make it so. This year's celebrations were different than usual. It was an "away" Christmas. That is, the other side of our family got the kids for Christmas day this year. So we spread our celebrations out into three separate days. One was for Ben and Jes, who left for Utah to spend Christmas with Jessica's family. Christmas Eve was for Reed and Dorothy, who spent Christmas day with Dorothy's family. I hardly knew how to chop up our usual celebrations but gave it a shot. We had a Christmas Eve reader's theater instead of a nativity drama. It turned out quite nicely, I thought, with each child present offering a reading part, backed up by a slide show, all in celebration of the Savior's birth.

This year I made just about all the Christmas gifts to our kids. I found that it brought me greater pleasure to present the gifts. Perhaps it was because I put a bit more effort into them. I tend to get excited about things and, quite naturally, look for an equally enthusiastic response from my family. It never turns out that way. But, I tell myself, it is not that our gifts are not happily received; rather it is that we each respond differently. My granddaughter Allegra is my only very enthusiastic receiver of gifts. It is such fun to give her things! But I still long for a more generally animated response from the rest. I would like to say that my Christmas fantasies are becoming a bit more realistic. But they aren't.

The whole local gang came for New Year's Eve. I often feel that our time together is too much taken up with caring for children and not enough for general bonding. So, Layne and I decided to try something new. We rented an inflatable jumper and placed it to open into the garage. We embellished the garage with a rug, couch and table filled with goodies of all sorts. What a day those kids had! They spent the whole bouncing and playing. By dinner they were finished with that. We dined together, watched "Night at the Museum", played games and toasted in the New Year promptly at midnight. It was generally a fine time for all.

People filled our season. We've had a house full of family and friends for most of these past two weeks. Or so it seems. I am happy and exhausted. This morning, with no early obligations, I slept until 8 AM. Then I read until 9. It was a lovely time.

Lately I've been a little concerned that Mom seems to be less enthusiastic about doing things. Several days ago she told me that it is easy to sleep when there is nothing else to do. I notice that myself, as I fight falling asleep every time I sit still for any amount of time. So I wonder what to help Mom to do, so that she does not default to sleeping for want of a weightier project. I'm pondering solutions.