Christmas Visions

It seems to me that the Christmas season, more than any other, gives one a chance to develop ambitious anticipations. I worked hard to get the business of Christmas done early. But then an idea entered my mind that I just had to develop. We always act out the nativity on Christmas Eve. But last year the grandkids kinda fooled around with it. So I decided to make a video of the Nativity, with the kids in it. So early on I dressed and posed them. Then I put them into Nativity pictures I already had and wrote up a narration to go with it. I especially wanted to create my granddaughter Carmen as Mary. You may remember that we lost her to cancer in 2009. Her last Christmas with us she asked me if she could be Mary in our Nativity play. But I had already promised it to Jacqueline. Not knowing it would Carmen's last chance to be Mary, I told her she could play that role the next year. She was gone from us the following February. So I determined that, this time, she would be Mary. You can see one of my efforts in the picture of Mary at the right. So, with this is a promise kept, in a small way.

My vision with these Nativity pictures was to make it into a video/slideshow with music and narration that could be duplicated and given to each family. But it took longer than I anticipated to put it together (doesn't it always?!). So I made a slide show, played Christmas carols at random and had Layne and granddaughter Rayne narrate it live. I was so hoping that the grandkids would love seeing themselves and would get into the story. They DID get a kick out of finding themselves in the pictures, but didn't feel the spirit of the story as I'd hoped they would. It was not worth all the time I put into it. Maybe if I actually polish and finish it, it will be better and more effective, for next year.

Still, Christmas Eve and day went fairly well. We had our usual celebration with all our local kids. It was chaotic and great in general. I'm so grateful at this time for a family to celebrate with and one that I enjoy. Sometimes I lose track of how good life is. I feel surrounded by benevolence and comfort. It is a great time to be alive.

I was thinking, this Christmas, of how amazing the life of Christ was. He gave His whole mortality for the benefit of other people. There was no space for His own wants and needs. How miraculous that there is someone in the universe that is that benevolent and that He would direct His gifts to us. I'm grateful.

Just below is Lexy, Vincent and Jacqueline dressed in their Christmas Eve pajamas. Bottom picture is grandson Timothy playing a piece on the piano at our family talent night on Christmas.

Nutcracker

Our good friend Rachel Tan has a dance studio. She trains her dancers in the Royal Academy of Dance method and is very precise in her training and thinks big. As a result, her yearly dance recitals are close to professional in quality. For several years Rachel has had a vision of doing Nutcracker with her dancers. She loved the ballet as a girl and dreamed of presenting it as a community service while at the same time giving her dancers a fabulous experience. So she approached the committee that plans the Oakland Temple Hill Christmas activities and presented her idea last year. They went for it. And so Rachel and her instructors have been practicing Nutcracker routines with the students all of this year.

She asked us to be the grandparents in the party scene at the beginning of the ballet. Well, she really asked me and I said yes for both of us! Dancing is my passion, you know, and Rachel is my friend. So how could I say no? It was our idea that we would simply wander through the first party scene and be finished with our part. And that's what I told Layne. But we were wrong. We were to participate in two group dances and Layne had a solo part! Well, you may imagine how Layne, my non-dancing boy, responded to that. But he didn't back out. So when rehearsals began in October, we didn't miss attending them. And just about every day since rehearsals began, Layne asked me do dance with him. I must say that I loved that. He NEVER asks me to dance with him. Not until now. But he is a stickler for being prepared so we practiced both of our dances until we knew them in our sleep. I loved it!

The time arrived for the performance this past weekend. And so, for the first time, Temple Hill offered the Nutcracker. For free. Tickets were dispersed for crowd control and disappeared within the first few days of being available. We anticipated a full house both nights. We were not disappointed. There were people everywhere!

The picture at the top is of our costumed selves onstage in front of the living room scene. Pretty good scenery, don't you think?

Imagine little girls from a dance studio attempting Nutcracker. What would you expect? You would have been amazed and surprised, for our little girls did a good job of rivaling any professional dance company. From very small girls to grown-up ones, the dancing was flawless. Added to that were beautiful costumes and sets that were amazing. It was beautiful! I've never been that into Nutcracker before, but I absolutely loved it. I think even Layne did. We got to see most of it from the audience since we were finished after the first act. We bonded with our director and the other adults dancing with us until we became a very cohesive, friendly group. Layne's solo was so cute. The audience loved seeing him dance and then bend over with a "hurt back" from the effort. It was euphoric. I'd do it again. I wonder if Layne would?

And so, one of our Christmas "pressures" is done and this week we can enjoy preparing for family events. Sunday was one of them. We had a "Bethlehem Dinner" downstairs, in the kids' domain. We all wore headdresses and ate "Bethlehem" food with our fingers. It was quite good. But I WAS hungry. Here you see Mom in her headdress. There's more fun to come. I'm excited.

To Stress or Not

Once Thanksgiving was over I determined that I would be prepared for Christmas early. So as to enjoy the season, you see. My shopping was done by Thanksgiving, leaving very little to worry about. Or so I thought in my pollyanna mind. I decorated and wrapped early. But I've discovered that open time just invites more activity and that leads to pressure to do what could be done. Not that I actually had any open time; just the anticipation of it. Are you following me here? Christmas is a week away and I'm still not ready. How did that happen? Why must I feel such pressure to do all that is in my mind as a possibility? And so I'm stressed.

My sister, Maryanne, visited us this past week. You can see her here with me in front of our Christmas tree. It was fun to have her with us for a little while and my mom loved it. Mom is slowing down a little. She mostly wants to lie in our lazy-boy. I've decided not to bug her about being more active as I have been doing. She moves as I ask her to but isn't interested in doing anything on her own. Maryanne came to us with a broken foot and various other ailments. I suppose I must own up to growing older and accepting the limitations that eventually brings. But I don't want to.

My non-dancing husband now asks me to dance with him each day. It is a dancing woman's dream. You see we have agreed to be the "old folks" in a Nutcracker production on Temple Hill. That seemed like an easy thing. But we are doing two dances and Layne has a brief solo part in the first act! We have had rehearsals each Saturday for what seems like a long time. Layne wants to do our part to perfection, so we practice on our own regularly. I like it! We perform this weekend. It has been nothing but fun. I don't even feel much concern about performing. But, after this weekend, my dancing invitations from Layne will end. Or maybe he'll be hooked on dancing with me and be anxious to continue. What do you think the chances of that happening are?

Picture to the right is our youngest granddaughter, Abigail, with the baby Jesus. She loves him!

Thanks

My daughter-in-law Dorothy is pregnant. You may remember that she is Carmen's mother. She and Reed decided that another baby would help mend their hearts, so this little one is due in January. But last Monday Dorothy was cramping and bleeding so I told her I would come on Tuesday and be her slave for a day so she could rest and get things settled down with her very pregnant body. So that's what I did. The four boys were engaged in a Harry Potter video marathon when I arrived. Vincent was sick and had thrown up. I cleaned up some of that mess and generally straightened things up. I also looked after their foster son, Eric, a cute little toddler. Dorothy slept while I did her grocery shopping. I left for home in the afternoon, feeling good about doing something good.

By Wednesday night I realized that Vincent had kindly passed his sickness on to me! Can you imagine my disappointment in awakening on Thanksgiving day with visions of throwing up instead of turkey? In fact, the thoughts of the turkey brought on major nausea. My darling husband kept me tucked in bed while he finished our Thanksgiving preparations and assisted our downstairs family in serving it up. And so the party went on without me. What luck to be sick on the very day when feasting is in order. How unfair! By evening I could feel myself rallying. Friday morning found me feeling almost normal and by Saturday it was as if nothing had happened. Thank goodness for left-overs.

The picture above shows Layne at work on our Thanksgiving menu. Below him Isaiah is passing by me with his celebratory dessert. You can see my red toes at the bottom of the picture.

There is not much good to say about being sick. But one good thing I can say, in hindsight, is that I am so grateful to feel good, to be healthy, to have energy for living! Why is it that losing something raises its value? Why can I not be just as grateful for those things which I always have and enjoy? I am working on perfecting my sense of gratitude, as I find it is, for me, a key to happiness.

Traditions

Our granddaughter Carmen has been gone for almost two years now. She would be 10 if she were still with us. It struck me today, during a discussion at Church, that the reason I can feel some peace about losing her is that I believe in happy endings. I think the Lord is a "romantic" of sorts. He plans these happy endings for all who will look to Him and trust in His decisions. I have faith that her passing will somehow work to the good of all of us, including her. But I miss her.

While we were visiting Seattle, I saw a poem written about Carmen by my granddaughter, Gemma. Gemma and Carmen are the same age and were great friends. I was so touched by Gemma's poem that I'm including it here.

I am nice and imaginative
I wonder if I'll ever see my lost one again.
I hear the ocean's voice
I see a girl smiling outside my window
I want my Carmen back
I am nice and imaginative.

I pretend that there is an angel by my side
I feel sad about a meaning that just got worse
I touch a cobra
I worry that I will get turned into soap
I cry for my Carmen
I am nice and imaginative.

I understand that people can turn to soap
I say there are futures that are real
I dream that Carmen smiles to me
I try to play violin
I hope for a million guinea pigs
I am nice and imaginative.
(by Gemma Gendreau)

For his eagle project, a scout in Reed and Dorothy's ward decided to build a bench in Carmen's name, to be placed at her elementary school. He held a fund raiser at the Digger's restaurant in Brentwood last Monday night. We piled into Audrey and Cliff's big car and drove there for dinner. The place was packed, mostly with people responding to the fund raiser. I'm so amazed at the outpouring of love for Carmen, even now. Her life, and her death, has rippled through this amazing community in a wonderful way. Brentwood has endeared itself to us.

When I was a little girl, we visited Colorado every summer, during Daddy's vacation. Our grandparents and great-grandparents lived there. My great-grandmother, Eva Halfacre ("Gram"), made wonderful cherry pies. Her cherry orchard provided the most important ingredient. Gram cooled her pies in the window sill, just like you see in the story books. Her daughter, my grandmother Margaret, also made wonderful pies. My mother caught the knack of delicious pies as well. Pie is our family thing. It is the favored dessert. I like to think that I inherited a pie gift as well. My girls have only a passing interest in the family gift. But some of my granddaughters have shown an interest. Rayne is an excellent pie maker.

Our daughter-in-law, Jessica, called me this week and asked me to teach her kids to make pie. It seems her daughters, Alexis and Jacqueline, want to learn the art. So the whole Ben-Jes gang came over on Saturday for pie lessons. All five of the kids began the lesson but Alexis and Jacq managed to endure to the end. We made the pastry and then homemade pudding for the filling. Their pastry turned out tender and good (the secret to good pie). I was proud of them. So perhaps there is hope for the family pie tradition to continue. Yes, I know, pie isn't the most important tradition in a family, but a pie thread weaving its way through our family is a sweet thought to me.

Top picture is of Gemma and her brother, Miles with their pet guinea pig. Middle picture shows
granddaughters Abigail (with the binky), Jacqueline and Alexis. Bottom picture is of Jacqueline and brother William rolling our their pie pastry. It turned out tender and tasty!

Seattle on the Fly

Daughter Jessica has lately mentioned with some urgency that we are not visiting her often enough. She has recently opened a used book store called "Bumbershoot Books", in the Seattle area. It is so far holding its own. Layne is helping her organized her book work. We have felt unable to travel while Mom is with us. But we decided to experiment with a very brief trip to Seattle, to spend a day with Jes and her family. So, after our Temple day on Wednesday, we rested briefly and headed for the airport. I must mention here that going to Seattle by air is quite risky for stand-bys. There is usually no room. But the late flight on Wednesday night looked promising, so we went for it. We were blessed. We got on the plane with room to spare, arriving in Seattle at 10 PM. Not much of Wednesday was left for visiting but we got a few minutes in before going to bed for the night.

Jessica suggested that we walk to her store on Thursday morning. It was a 2 mile, hilly walk. Her little store is a welcoming place, full of books of course, but also a fireplace with comfortable chairs; an invitation to sit and read and stay awhile. So, while Layne looked over her paper work, that is what I did: sit awhile in front of the fire and read. Then Jes and I walked back to her house, via another bookstore located on our way home. Jes made friends with the owner, encouraging friendship and cooperation. Her offer was happily accepted. So she has managed to make friends with all the book store owners in the area. A good move, I say. Benevolence is usually the best way.

So we walked about 4 miles on Thursday. Did I mention that I have a sore knee? Amazingly, it didn't seem to mind the walk much. I spent the rest of the day re-upholstering a love seat for Jes. it matches the chair I did for her earlier. I was so proud of myself for finishing it! I worked on it for 4 hours and that was enough, amazingly. Gemma and I cooked dinner for everyone after that and then, after a little kid bonding, we went to bed. It was a jam-packed day filled with physical exertion. I survived it! Friday morning we caught a 6 AM flight back home and walked in our door by 10 AM. How amazingly lucky is that! We managed to catch both flights we tried for. What a rare and wonderful blessing. Mom was in good shape when we returned, so we'll go again, for two days instead of one next time.

Layne asked ME to dance on Saturday. That is a rare but welcomed occurrence for my non-dancing man. Since we are now dancing in a Nutcracker performance, my perfectionist husband wants to get the steps down perfectly as soon as possible so he can quit worrying about it. So, joyfully, I accept his regular offers to dance and we are becoming quite proficient. I'm proud of him.

Sometimes I think I am right on top of things and doing well and sometimes I feel so out of control. I taught my 14 and 15 year old Sunday School class again. I felt so inspired while preparing the lesson but it melted into a mediocre lesson today. I can't seem to control when I can access the Spirit to help me and when I cannot. Sometimes ideas flow through me at a rapid rate and sometimes there are none at all. I cannot seem to predict or plan it. I find that a little frustrating.

Pictures: Top is daughter Jessica and her youngest, Peyton. Middle picture is her son, Miles. Below him is Gemma, Jessica's oldest. The picture at left is of Jessica's business card, in the shape of a bookmark.

Spooking

"I'll be glad when this stage is over," Mom said as I was helping her brush her teeth. I am amazed by my mother's optimism. She still has hopes of recovering her strength and returning to her independent lifestyle. Most of the time anyhow. But it has been 2 1/2 years since her stroke, and so it is obvious, even to my hopeful self, that she is not going to recover anymore function. I smile inside at her comment but do not respond to it. Should I dash her hopes in the name of reality? My instincts say no. For who really knows the details of the future?

During our Sacrament meeting at Church Sunday, one of our young men fainted, by the doorway near us. Layne was up like a shot and had him in his arms. As the young man, Jared, began to come to, he leaned on Layne as they made their way to the couch in the foyer outside the chapel. One of our nurses was soon at Jared's side and declared that he need something sweet. We provided it. Once recovered, Jared looked at Layne and said, "Brother Galbraith, did you really pick me up and carry me here? I thought you were way past your prime!" Layne laughed and laughed at that. But isn't it wonderful that my 70 year old man can carry a 6'3" young man? I'm proud of him.

The local kids asked us if they could spend Halloween with us. Since it fell on a Sunday this year, they were hoping for a more "sabbathy" celebration. Ideas poured into my mind as I thought about a Sabbath Halloween. For some reason I felt an excitement about it. Halloween isn't my favorite holiday, but I couldn't resist an almost explosive enthusiasm. I came up with a plan. When it comes to children, the best laid plans are always altered by reality. This was no exception. Yet the day turned out to be pretty close to the plan I had in my head. Our gang arrived at dinner time (since Church for us doesn't end until 4 PM). We had monster pizzas, with everyone creating their own pizza by decorating it to look like a monster. Some did it, some didn't but it was all fun. I made sour dough bread in the shape of a spider. Layne's punch was cooled by ice shaped like a hand. We also had salad and chili. It was fun! Afterward we invited the kids to trick or treat at 6 doors located throughout the house. A grown-up was behind each door. To get a treat each child had to answer a gospel question. Ben's Jessica provided all the treats and they were fabulous--all home-made. More fun. Then we had a short lesson on how a Christian is like a pumpkin. Then dessert for the grown-ups. All things considered, it was a great evening.

The picture above is of grandson Isaiah, doing his best to sneer, in his Halloween costume. Can you guess what he is? That's a box of cereal on his chest, with arrows going through it. He's a "cereal killer". Did you guess it? It was an award-winner! He's standing in my art room, which I am in the process of re-organizing. That hopefully explains the messy background.

I read a book on aging that divided the elderly into two categories: the young-old and the old-old. Layne and I are in the former category at the moment. For us life is quite enjoyable. It is busy, but we are healthy and able to do just about all that we have ever done. I'm grateful for that and do not think about what will come when we enter the old-old stage. Perhaps we should put more planning into that time of life, but some kinds of forecasting do not serve us well.

This lamp at the right was once my grandmother's. She bought it many years ago in Mexico. It was originally a mottled combination of colors. Isaiah and I painted it black and put it out for our Halloween Sunday. I love it!

Settling In

It is amazing to me how easily I forget carefully acquired habits, once away from the situations that promote them. Mom's first week has gone along fine, but I seem to need to relearn the habits I acquired last year, in caring for her. It all comes back, but why did it leave in the first place? Mom is definitely weaker than she was last year. She is 93 now, so I must remind myself not to expect too much in the way of physical progress for her. It is time to ease down.

We did take her to a Bluegrass concert Friday night. It lasted much longer than I expected--we didn't get out until after 10 PM. Mom's usual bedtime is 8 PM. But she hung in. As with so many outings, I wasn't very excited about going. But, as with many outings, once there, I enjoyed myself. The music was lively as can be. I liked it; especially when they did some gospel tunes. I've decided that I like gospel music!

Right is a picture of grandson Isaiah (son of our Audrey) with his new contact lenses. He's pretty excited about them.

I taught my 14 year old Sunday School class today, after a long absence. It didn't go especially well. It makes me sad to feel such a sweet spirit during preparations, only to feel none of it in the classroom. Maybe I expect too much. I told the kids today that they are as responsible as I am for an inspired lesson. I know from experience when the Spirit is there the material expands and when it is not, things contract. Today was a contraction day.

It is good to be home for a full week without the anticipation of leaving again. I love walking through the yard and house. There is so much to do to "finish" things, but just being here is joyful. Our neighbors, the Trutners, sold me their extra patio furniture. I placed it in two places around the house. One of them is the patio off of our bedroom. I'm so excited about it! I see Layne and me sitting on our little patio, enjoying the view and bonding. I wonder if that will actually happen.

It is raining today. When the rainy season begins I feel a sweet relief. It is as if all is well with nature and we will have a provident season. In spite of the little collection of worries that live in the back of my mind (mentioned last week), I believe I am an optimist. I think I learned to believe in happy endings from my parents. I'm glad for it, for, in the end, all really will be well. It's the getting there that promotes the worries of course. But even those have a way of working out.

Bottom picture is of Mom in her lazy-boy chair. In the background you can see the rain!

On the Move

The time has come to bring Mom back to California for the winter. Serendipitously, one of our Mongolian daughters, Marta, asked us to come to her mother's first time in the temple (in Provo!) the same weekend we planned to go to Colorado. As it turns out, Layne opted not to meet up with Marta as he had Church assignments on the weekend he felt he couldn't leave. So I caught a very early flight into Salt Lake by myself, rented a car and stayed in Gerald's home in Draper. It is the first time I've been alone for a long time. I find that now I am an older woman being alone is a bit more attractive. Not that I'd like to do it for a long period of time, but the weekend was quite pleasant. Not only that, but it was productive. I finished putting my dad's life story together. It is ready to be published! I'm so excited about that. I plan to give each of my children a copy of the book on his life. (Picture at the top is of my dad, caring for me and my sister.)

I found my way to the Provo temple on Saturday evening and met up with Marta, her family and friends. Her mother was visiting from Mongolia and chose the Provo temple to go through for the first time, as both of her daughters had done. It was a lovely time. Marta is one of my favorites as she has such a happy disposition and is such pleasant company. Her mother will soon return to Mongolia and, hopefully before long, her father will be able to come and go through the temple also. Sadly, they cannot, at present, get visas to come here together. (Picture to right is Marta and her mom.)

Layne flew into Salt Lake on Monday morning. I picked him up and we headed to Kaysville, where we visited with his twin brother, Lynn, and his wife, Camille. I enjoy their company very much. Lynn discovered lots of family pictures which he was eager to share with us. When we arrived, he had them spread over counters and tables. What a treat. You see, there are not many Galbraith pictures to be had. So these were treasures. I made copies of them with my digital camera. I'm excited to get them organized and described. Our visit was rushed, as we had to take an evening flight into Colorado. We arrived at Mom's little Cedaredge home late Monday evening.

My sister Maryanne and her hub Bob soon left for their home. We spent Tuesday packing Mom up and began our drive back home on Wednesday morning. We stopped in Elko that night and drove on to home, arriving about 5 PM on Thursday night. Mom was tired but otherwise in pretty good shape. I think she is such an amazing woman. She has lost so much function and now has to depend upon us to get along. Yet she is philosophical. She accepts what comes to her in good humor. It is a sweet message to me.

That leads me into my latest thoughts about trouble. Today was our ward conference. The theme was dealing with adversity. I found it to be quite inspirational. You see I am a worrier of sorts. Not a serious one, but there are several things that concern me. They lie at the back of my mind and simmer there. By the end of the meeting today I received a very strong impression to let my worries go. Things work out. We have an amazing ability to adjust to what life brings us, if we give our selves the chance. Thoughts of Mongolia came to my mind. We were uncomfortable with living conditions there when we first arrived but soon adjusted and then loved our situation there. Then thoughts of my granddaughter Carmen came to mind. We watched her struggle for 18 months, then had to watch her die. It was hard. But sweet feelings came to us as well. Then Mom came to mind. Her stroke should have killed her. It would most people. But she is tough, and she lived. Her speech and thinking functions were preserved. She is a miracle, but a burden. Yet, in the midst of the demand of caring for her, there are sweet shivers of joy that sometimes flow through me when I am tending to her needs. Compensations come with every loss, if we look and live for them. So I am going to try and hold onto these feelings of letting go of my fears for the future and just enjoy what is in my life now with faith that I can also enjoy whatever the future may bring to me.
(Picture at bottom is one of Lynn's collection of he and Layne as boys. Can you tell which is Layne?)

Of Diets and such

Over the past few years those 10 pounds I took off in my forties has made its way back and settled on my belly. For some time I have planned on taking that nasty 10 back off. D'Ann and I decided that we would devote this past week to dieting. I was excited, as the diet we chose promised a 10-17 pound weight loss in a week. It also promoted a tomato based soup that is very low in calories. Eagerly we began. It only took two days for me to lean away from enjoying the process. I can only stand so much tomato soup! But I told myself that it would be worth it to be rid of the extra poundage for good. However, it is slow in coming. I can report that, 6 days later, I am only down 2-3 pounds, depending upon the weighing time. Hum. All that effort for 2-3 pounds is not worth it to me. Here you see a picture of we two dieters, D'Ann Downey and myself. Today we celebrate the birthdays of Layne and daughter-in-law Dorothy. I am officially calling off the diet! Perhaps I should return to my original idea of just cutting back on what I eat in general. That is always a good idea, just hard to do consistently. Or perhaps I should just settle for that extra 10 pounds and accept it as a friend.

I have spent much of my time this past week sewing. When I come home after being away from home for extended periods I can more easily see the decorative flaws of our home. One of those is the lack of curtains. There is much to be said for nicely done curtains in a home. They warm the space and give a finished look. So this week I have done some, in the kitchen and bedroom. It is so rewarding to see the results of effort hanging before my eyes. There are so many other efforts that don't expose their results so readily.

Layne and I have committed ourselves to being in a performance of Nutcracker, to be performed on Temple Hill, in Oakland, this coming Christmas season. Rachel Tan (a friend from our old ward) has volunteered to organize her dance students into a Nutcracker performance as a service to the Church and community this coming December. Can you guess the part she wants us to play? Yep, the grandparents. To do that job right, we are committed to rehearsals every Saturday from now until performance time. It seemed like a small commitment when we made it at the beginning of this year. But, as it turns out, Layne and I are in two dances and he has a short solo part. Remember, this is my non-dancing husband! So here we are, dancing! If you know me at all, you know that I LOVE to dance. So I am a bit excited to be doing this. Layne is simply resigned. He has the dance steps carefully written down so that we can practice daily. He is such a structured, organized kind of guy. But I actually have come to love that about him. So another new experience is about to come our way. We are now performers in Nutcracker!

A Short Fifty

We are home! We left Mom on Thursday, very early in the morning. We had a prayer in our hearts that the early hour would improve our chances of getting on the consistently full flights that plague stand-by fliers like ourselves. I'm trying to make my prayers more specific so I specifically asked the Lord to bless us with a speedy trip home. It usually takes us all day to get home because of so many full flights. But Thursday was different. We caught that early flight out of Grand Junction into Denver. Then we spotted an open flight into Phoenix that also provided an open flight into San Francisco. We went for it. As soon as we arrived in Phoenix we were boarded onto a flight for SF. Wow! We arrived at the San Francisco Airport by noon. That is a record for us! We were home by 1:30. Was it serendipity or the Lord's blessing? I'm giving the Lord all the credit for answering my specific prayer.

A friend, D'Ann Downey, has been staying at our house during our absence. She greeted us with her velvety conversation and we have been engaged in bonding with her ever since. It looks like she will be with us until we leave to bring Mom home next month. D'Ann is now living in Europe and will return as soon as she has the funds. That is the tricky part. But she will be gone from here by the 9th, when we leave to get Mom. She is bright, good hearted and a great walking partner.

Sometimes I am amazed at how old I am now. Saturday night was my 50th High School reunion! I've been planning on attending for months now but when it was time to go I felt a bit hesitant. I wasn't the best known girl in school. I looked through my yearbook and must admit to not knowing most of my class. I was afraid of not recognizing or knowing anyone there. But Layne agreed to go with me and encouraged me, so, with some butterflies in my stomach, we went. Wow, I met up with friends right from the start. 50 years melted away as I saw and recognized lots of my school mates. It was such fun! I was especially happy to be able to spend lots of time with my childhood best friend (Carolyn McLaughlin). 200 of our 500+ class showed up. I felt embraced by so many, and I recognized far more classmates that I imagined I would. I guess it just goes to show that pushing through fear and nerves is often a very good thing.

Thoughts from a Quiet Week

I've been doing more reading lately. My girls would be proud of me. They read many books a month. I'm lucky if I get through one. I hope you don't think I'm a slug for that. It's just that when I sit down to read I always fall asleep. Since arriving at Cedaredge, reading comes easier as there is less to do. And so does napping. That makes sleeping through the night harder. But enough of that. My point is that I've come up with some good ideas from my Colorado reading. For one thing, I see more clearly that we live in a country that is indeed God-inspired. I'm grateful for the effort that our Founding Fathers went to to come up with a system that works better than anything has before. I see us losing much of what they have accomplished and it worries me. Mom's book shelf is full of patriotic readings. I'm enjoying some of them.

I love the people here. They live close to the earth and I think that does good things for the soul. They are intelligent, humble, friendly and loving. I feel embraced here, even by strangers. Layne and I spent some time Saturday walking through a little town called Hotchkiss. We took Mom to a Daughters of the Utah Pioneers meeting there. While she enjoyed her meeting, we walked. Lots of the shops were closed and abandoned. But there were some great ones open. One of them was an art store which I talked Layne into entering. The owner of the shop was an artist and she was in the middle of giving an art lesson. We had quite a lovely conversation and she invited me to come to lessons there. I got to thinking what a good thing it might be to take lessons from several different people. It could certainly give me a bigger variety of ideas and styles. We walked on and visited an art gallery very nicely put together and a rather dumpy used bookstore. Friendly people greeted us on our way. All in all it was a fun adventure.

Mother's eyelashes are growing! That is quite an unimportant thing to include here, but I am fascinated that, at 93, she has more eyelashes than she ever has before. Her eyes have been bothering her so I took her to the eye doc. He explained that her glaucoma medication makes eyelashes grow. In fact, that medication is what led to the goo you can get commercially now to grow lashes. Isn't that an interesting tidbit? Now we know that it really works.

We took Mom to Grand Junction yesterday. We ended our visit with friends by going to dinner. Our waiter had one of those voices that felt smooth going down. It was deep and rich. I determined to find a way to tell him. My chance came and I passed on my high opinion of his voice. One of my goals is to make a point of noticing gifts in people and telling them. I have a theory about that. I think we came to earth full of purpose and encouragement. Life on earth is often very discouraging for many people. One of the gifts we can give to them is encouragement; a sort of return to what we came here with. So I am trying to be a source of encouragement for other people in my life. I'm starting to find it natural to look for something to admire. I think I am getting better at it.

I've been working on my dad's life story quite a bit since arriving here. I've thought about him so much that he seems to be on my mind even when I'm not trying. Last night he came to me in a dream. He was dressed in his dark navy uniform and looked very young, as he did then. He looked at me with his soft gray eyes and I threw my arms around him and wept. The dream ended then. I felt that it was a little gift from God, meant to encourage me in my efforts to create a book about him.

We've had our usual summer storms here. As usual, I love them. Included here is a picture of a hail storm that hit several days ago. Fall is in the air here. I'm wearing mom's sweat shirts on some days now. We seem to have missed most of summer. For the first time in memory I don't feel quite ready for the coolness that is coming.

Pictures: top is of the girl's bathroom at the art gallery in Hotchkiss. Note the design of the mirror is a sort of mosaic. I loved it! The middle picture is of my father just a few years after he left the Navy. He is pictured here with my sister on the left and me hidden on the right. The picture was taken in Hawaii, when we lived there in the late 1940s. The bottom picture is of our recent hail storm, taken on Mom's deck.

A Sandwich Girl

"Mom, I could really use your help," my daughter Jessica kept telling me. She is in the process of opening a used bookstore in the general Seattle area and trying to keep up with the needs of her family. So, this past week, I flew up to spend three days with her and her family, with plans to go to Colorado for our turn with Mom the end of the week.

Once again we sacrificed sleep to get me to the airport very early Monday morning to see if I could possibly get a seat on an oversold flight. Once again it paid off. I got to Seattle early in the morning. My poor Jessica was over the edge stressed. I'm glad I made it there in time to help her. Her bookstore looks great and seems ready for business to me. But there are scores of details that I know little of that still need to be done. So I spent most of my time there with the three kids. We cleaned house, played games, cooked and generally tried to have fun catching up with things. Jes and hub Chris have spent tons of time on the store so the kids and home have suffered a bit. But hopefully things will level out as soon as things are up and running. Jes and I spent my last day, on Wednesday, reupholstering a chair (one that once belonged to my grandparents). It is a wild print, to go with the store's color theme. It turned out so well that Jes was thoroughly pleased. Hence, so was I. You can see it here. See also a picture of Gemma and Miles around a Monopoly board. The three kids and I were all in jail at the same time. We thought that was a kodak moment, so here it is! Peyton is the youngest. You can see her here posing to show off her missing front tooth. Only you can't see it; you'll just have to take it on faith that it is indeed missing.

"Mom, please try and visit here with us more often," Jessica asked of me. Since her family will be pretty tied to home with the store, that is our only option for seeing one another. I wonder how to manage both bonding with my far-away children and caring for my mom. I don't want to miss either opportunity but I need to figure out how to do both things. It is a worry to work on.

Very early Thursday morning I stood by for another over-sold flight to Denver. I made that one also! Perhaps this is the way to do standby; just get up at 3 am and head to the airport. There are apparently enough paying passengers who chicken out at the last minute to provide some space for us standbys. Hooray. Layne also got on his very early flight from home so we met up in Denver. Our luck changed there as we missed flight after flight into Grand Junction. We finally separated and arrived on two different flights, much later than we were hoping for. But we did arrive! From there our friend Elaine Conlon drove us to Cedaredge. Wow, what a trip.

On Friday Mom turned 93! My sister Maryanne and her hub Bob stayed for her birthday celebration, then headed for their home that night, late. Mom seemed pleased with the friends who stopped by, and the dinner we served, especially to her tastes. She is a lovely woman. She looks different now. Something is going on with her eyes, which you may notice in this photo of her. She frowns from eye strain. I'm going to try and get the problem figured out over the next three weeks that we are here. Otherwise, she seems to be holding as far as her physical condition goes. As usual, it is a joy to be here. The place and the people warm my heart. For the next few weeks, my world is here.

I am indeed a sandwich girl: a slice of children on one side and a slice of mom on the other. My filling is being squished!

Spontaneity

Before I married Layne I was quite an unstructured creature. Spontaneous, I like to call it. I did what I felt inclined to do, rather than follow any kind of actual plan. Then came Layne. He was Mr. Structure himself. He had lists and schedules that were not to be meddled with. That was a learning curve for me. I admired it from afar for awhile, but I couldn't help being influenced by all that planning. Over time I morphed into a girl quite tied to a schedule. I never would have recognized my more structured self in my earlier times. Now my children actually complain that I am not very flexible!

So I hope you will be amazed and impressed when I confess to not just one, but two examples of spontaneity this week. I have been working off of lists and schedules all week. In spite of what I have become in the way of organized, it is hard for me to stick with extreme structure. But this week I did. And I accomplished a lot. Until this weekend. Audrey decided to drive to Brentwood to visit son Reed and family on Saturday. On a whim, I decided to abandon my list and go with her. This is big for me. We spent the afternoon driving and visiting with Reed and Dorothy. It was such fun! I have forgotten how it is to just do something fun on the spur of the moment. There is something about it that generates a bit of excitement and unpredictability. I liked it. Then Ben called and asked me to attend his Sacrament meeting, to watch their 5 children while they both gave talks. Well, I had a schedule that doing that would interrupt. But I went. And took granddaughter Allegra with me. All on the spur of the moment. Again, it was fun, and worth what I didn't get done, for what I did. I loved hearing the kid's talks, in between caring for babes; they are both excellent speakers. We made it home in plenty of time for our own Church meetings. That just goes to show that making time for the people in our lives trumps the stuff in our lives just about every time. I'll get to the stuff in good time.

Layne and I hosted an empty nest Family Home Evening on Monday night. I cooked dinner for everyone and then we had a sweet message from one of our group. I guess I like hosting. I don't even mind the cooking. It was such fun for me to have friends over. The evening was especially sweet because it was warm outside and a full moon lent a lovely glow all over our yard. As folks left, that sweetness enveloped us all. Nature has such gifts to give, if we just notice.

We attended another wedding reception on Friday. One of the latest things at receptions these days, I am told, is a photo booth for guests to use. There was one there, so Layne and I had our pictures taken in a booth much like those we had fun with in former days at fairs and parks. Here you see one of our snaps. Shown also is Mom's dining room set, which she gave to Audrey. Mom has trouble doing that, as I've mentioned before. I'm anxious to show her how her furniture looks in Audrey's space. I hope she'll be pleased.

Mostly Going

Granddaughter Rayne turns 21 in September. We'll be in Colorado when her birthday comes, so she talked me into taking her birthday shopping on Monday. "I've pre-shopped, Gramma, so I know just what I want." How can you refuse such a request? Rayne and I have a tradition of birthday shopping so our shopping trip on Monday was just a continuation of a cherished way of life. Hum. This year we went to Norstrom's rack, a great discount place. Rayne works at Norstroms so we had her convenient employee discount to work in our favor. It is hard to pass up deals on things for some of us. I'm one of those. Rayne found some things and so did I! Everything was discounted, plus we got Rayne's 20% off that. Somehow shopping takes on real pleasure when you get a deal.

Our missionary grandson, Chase, (brother of Rayne) left this past week for the Missionary Training Center, in Provo. Audrey, Cliff, and Rayne drove there with him. It is just a quick drop-off now; no extended good-byes. So their boy is gone for two years. To soften the blow, they drove on to Colorado for a quick bond with my mom and to get her dining room set. She told them they could have it and bring it home anytime they were ready. So they packed up the whole set in the back of their truck and drove back home. Mom is notoriously tight with her things, of which she has many. But she appears to be loosening up a bit. We are kinda thinking that, when she offers to pass on something, we should not waste too much time claiming it. I hope we are right about that. Above all, I want my mom to be happy. Sometimes giving one's things away brings happiness and sometimes feelings of loss. I'm hoping for the happy.

Son Gerald went home. Now it almost feels like he wasn't here. Funny how that works. I find that being here makes Colorado seem far away and being there does the same for here. Are you following my thoughts? I don't like traveling. I've said it before, but for me there is no place like home. But I'm working on liking what comes. And travel is in my agenda. At least for now. So I will take what joy I can from it.

Above is Chase, dressed as a missionary, with his sister, Rayne (the shopper).

Kindred Spirits

Written on Sunday August 15th
It is rare and wonderful when you find a friend that shares your mental track. I have several of those kind of friends; but most are far away. So when the chance for bonding with such a friend comes up, it seems wise to go for it. Since the death of my friend Deb Anderson, my desire to keep up connections with friends has increased. So when friend Pat Green suggested a get-together I worked hard to make it happen. Our plan was to meet in Salt Lake City on my way home from Colorado. Instead I flew to Salt Lake last Monday morning.

Standby is so tricky. I decided to go for the earliest flight even though it was oversold. Amazingly, I got on! You just never know how things will turn out on these flights. Sometimes the full flights are the best ones to try for since other stand-bys often don't come and paying passengers often don't show up. Monday was one of those times. I arrived in the morning with the whole day open for bonding. I felt so blessed! Pat picked me up and we headed for son Gerald's Draper home. It is a lovely place in a lovely setting, and fully stocked. We had the place to ourselves since Ger and family just left it last week. What fun to have a whole house to play in. We talked the days away, and included in our bonding a trip to the house of friends Richard and Karen Winkel. We three girls spent one afternoon huddled in a local restaurant just talking non-stop. Here's the amazing thing; at the end of that time we weren't through! In a good bond, conversation can go on indefinitely. Layne has a hard time understanding this principle, in spite of many efforts to explain it to him.

Thursday morning came very early as I stood by for another oversold early flight home. Guess what. I made that one too! What an enormous blessing my travel has been of late. And to think I don't even like to travel. In this case my traveling companion was a cute girl named Brenda who turned out to be very talkative. So I enjoyed another gab session on the trip home. You could conclude that I must be talked out by now. But I think there is still a little gab left inside yet!

The reason I came home on Thursday is that Gerald was due at our house on that day. He dropped his family and exchange students off at the LA airport and drove to our place so that we could take care of his car. He'll go home sometime this week. It has been wonderful to have him with us. He's a talker. So more bonding has filled my days since being home. He's another kindred spirit for me.

Our whole local family gathered for granddaughter Jacqueline's baptism on Saturday. Son Ben baptized her and I was blessed to speak at the stake ceremony on baptism. It was a fun assignment and I felt good about it. We also spent some time with Ben's in-laws, the Aults. They are a fine couple and I think we could be good friends if they were closer by. So this week has been as full of people connections as I could possibly hope for. My spirit has loved it. But my body is beat.

The top picture is of friends Pat Green (on the left) and Karen Wilkey (on the right). The middle picture shows my three sons: Benjamin, Gerald and Reed. The bottom picture is Ben with his oldest daughter Jacqueline, on her baptism day.

The Joys of Air Travel

I did go on and on about the joy of thunder storms last week, didn't I? This week we discovered the underside of that. My sister Maryanne and hub Bob showed up in Colorado on Wednesday and we headed out for the trip home on Thursday morning, early. I have explained, I think, the challenge of stand-by travel before. We only go if there are empty seats. An early arrival at the Montrose Airport paid off; we got on an early flight into Denver with no problem. But our ease ended there.

It seems that thunder storms had caused the cancellation of a number of flights out of Denver, over several days. So by the time we arrived Thursday morning the airport was loaded with passengers, all hoping that this would be the day they could escape to destinations of all sorts. So every flight into San Francisco was oversold. Ditto every other western destination that we could head for that could eventually get us to San Francisco. Hum. We found ourselves running from gate to gate, hoping that enough passengers would not show up to empty just two seats for us. No luck, until we managed to squeeze onto a flight to Sacramento. The flight from there to SF looked hopeful. Except that once we arrived in Sacramento, that flight was canceled. So we got creative. We decided to take the train. We taxied to the railroad station and got on an Amtrak train for a 2 1/2 hour trip to Fremont. The cost for old folks was just $15 apiece. We qualified, so for a small investment we enjoyed a scenic and comfortable ride that took us closer to home than the airplane trip would have. It was a surprise blessing. So I guess that goes to show that the most frustrating of circumstances can turn surprisingly pleasant.

Grandson Chase had his missionary open house this past Saturday. Family, friends and Church members gathered at our house to wish him well. It was tons of fun. One of our ward emembers made him a cake that was a work of art. It seemed wrong to cut it (but we did!). Check out the accompanying picture and see what you think. It was amazing. Chase gave his missionary farewell talk this past Sunday. He was a good guy and spoke on a religious subject rather than rambling on with various mundane thoughts. He spoke instead on the importance of exacting obedience to the Lord. I was impressed.

You may think that I have enough of air travel. You would be right to think that. But I have committed to friend Pat Green, from Idaho, that I would meet her in Salt Lake for a few days of girl bonding. I never do this sort of thing. But Pat is a kindred spirit with whom good things always happen. So I kept my commitment and once again headed for the airport early Monday morning. That adventure will wait for another blog.












Chase wouldn't give me a decent pose so I'm giving you this
goofy one. Someday he'll be embarrassed. Or maybe not. Here also is granddaughter Allegra, on the left of the girl trio, with two of her Fremont buds.

P.S. Granddaughter Carmen would have been 10 years old today.

Thunder Showers

This past week has been quiet but busy. I've been trying to sort through some of the stuff Mom has stored in her garage and out buildings. Wow, it is renewed in my mind what a burden most stuff is. Mom has saved just about every scrap of paper her hands ever touched. They sit stored in boxes in every structure on this ranch. There is plenty of other kinds of stuff as well. I am thinking that sorting through some of it while Mom is here is a good idea as there are little treasures hidden in the massive amounts of useless stuff that only she can explain. Seeing all of this makes me want to dejunk my own stuff right now.

I've indulged myself a little. I actually had a professional cut my hair. If you know me, you know that this is a rare thing indeed. I usually cut my own hair, with mixed results I admit. But mostly it seems to work OK. But a girl reaches a breaking point every once in awhile. I simply had to let someone who knows what he's doing to do the job. So I went to a well-recommended hair guy on Main street here. As he was beginning to do my hair all the power went off and it didn't come back! So I got a cut and shampoo but no style. Still, the cut is good. I'm amazed what a good cut does for my efforts at styling hair. As it turned out the power was off for quite awhile, all over town and beyond. So, this coming week I'm returning to my hair guy for a styling with every faith that the power will hold. I'm excited and anxious to see how it turns out.

In California there is no summer rain. Our hills and landscapes are "golden" (in other words, dead) as a result. So it is magical to me to experience rain and warm at the same time. This week has been filled with thunder storms. Mom and I have sat on her deck several evenings, watching the storm clouds move in. Lightening flashes in the hills beyond, followed by thunder. We can see the rain in the distance. Then it slowly comes to us, bringing all the excitement with it. Inside we go as the rain begins. Lightening lights up the sky and thunder rattles through the house and booms in our ears as the storm breaks right over us. Pouring rain follows, drenching everything outside. How magnificent! Here is a picture of my mom's driveway and garage in the middle of the downpour. I imagine how beautiful our little spot would be with this kind of summer. I love it here and I would love it there.

Five weeks in Colorado seems like such a long time. But our turn here will be over in just a couple of days. Home we will head for the month of August, then back here again. I have come to love being here. I can lose my sense of home happenings so easily as I involve myself in life here. Caring for Mom feels light and mostly very pleasant. Layne is a good companion and assistant. I almost feel like we are one with those folk who travel between two homes, to follow the seasons. The impact of the events of life depend so very much upon personal interpretation. I'm working on interpreting this time in my life in the best way I can.

Cousin Camp

Written on Sunday:
In my experience events never turn out the way they are planned; they are either better or worse. Our Cousin Camp filled our past week. It is our first attempt at getting the grandchildren together for an extended amount of time, with just Layne and me in charge. How grateful I am that no more than 7 were with us. They were enough to keep us hopping. But not doing the things we had anticipated and planned for. Those babes bonded over their own invented play. Their play came about from a book that Mom has entitled, Roxaboxen. It is about a group of children that create a town out of a nearby hillside, using all sorts of left-over things they found lying about. Our babes decided to do the same in a patch of dirt on the side of Mom's house. So, for 4 days, they played in the mud. They managed to pull themselves away for meals and the occasional activity that we had planned for them. Then it was back to the mud. You may imagine what kind of mess that created. There were mud statues, bowls, fences, ponds, pots and mud ovens, used to bake these treasures in the sun. Who could have predicted that this would be the preferred activity? If only we had known, some of our planning could have been avoided.

Not that I'm complaining. I'm glad that they had fun. And fun it was. They used their imaginations and ingenuity to create a world of good times. It can't get better than that. I see now, more clearly than ever, that getting cousins together in bunches doesn't do much for bonding with grandparents, but does great things for bonding with each other. It was fun to see them enjoy each others company. We were the work force. That had its place and I believe it is worth doing again. But for special grandparent-grandchild bonding, there needs to be a smaller number to deal with.

We had fun each evening as we told the children scripture stories and family stories. They seemed to enjoy both. We sang, talked, shared stories and on several nights, enjoyed a movie and popcorn. They are great kids. By Saturday morning, all were gone and we lapsed into quiet. There is much to do to clean things up but, oh, it is so quiet. I like having time back but I miss the grandkids, and my own kids. I suppose I just don't like being so far apart for so much of the time of our lives. Mom, too, misses them. She gets high on people. I guess I do too even though I also like solitude. I guess it is good to enjoy both.

I'm taking pastel lessons again. After the kids left, I worked on trying my hand at recreating an old photo of my dad and his mom (my granny). I need more practice, but you can see my first effort here.

This past week reminds me once again that relationships are what life is all about. They are the priority. It takes work to make good memories with the people in our lives, but is is the best investment of all.

Preparations

Before I had grandchildren I dreamed of the fun of having all of our future grandchildren over at one time for a week of "grandfolks camp". As usual, time passed quickly and now we have 19 grandchildren. But we've never had a grandfolks camp. Until now. My daughter-in-law Jessica has pressed me to do the camp. She is full of good ideas. So we invited all who could come to meet us here in Colorado, where we would entertain the grandchildren for 5 days. 7 of the kids can come.

We have spent this past week planning for them. Layne, once engaged, is full of good ideas. He has eliminated or refined most of my ideas and added some great ones of his own. And so, this week, we have a menu just for kids; days filled with activities, and nights with family stories and scripture stories. Since we've never done this before I'm a little nervous. Will the kids have fun? Will we build the bond with them that I hope for? Will they want to do this again? Will our plans work well?

Son Ben and wife Jessica (the one with the ideas) arrived last night. Their children are playing in the kiddy pool Layne put up for them. I am watching them from my comfortable chair on the deck. It is a lovely, hot Colorado summer day. The pool sits under a shade tree so it is a comfortable place to be. Layne and I sit idly now as the kids play before us. It is a happy spot we are in. Here are Jacqueline and Alexis sitting on a rock in Mom's back yard.

I am an idea person. I dream of many things in my mind. I begin some of them. My problem is that I finish very little. As I work on one project I think of another. And so it happens that I begin much and finish little. Inefficiency is a quality of creativity, it seems to me. I need to better divide my time between creativity and organization. I'd like to discipline myself to do more finishing. But not this week. This week belongs to 7 adorable kids. And Mama too, of course.

Mom and Things

Mom seems quite diminished since our last visit to Colorado. While my sister Maryanne and her hub Bob were here Mom got a touch of the flu. In addition, all three of them got involved in a minor car accident. Both of those things took their toll on Mom. She sleeps almost all of the time now. Her eyes look sunken and dark. She says much less. She has perked up a little since our arrival but it is hard to say if her present condition is temporary or a more permanent downturn. I keep studying her face, trying to read what is going on inside of her. She continues to say "I"m fine", when asked. How I hate to see her slide slowly down. Inside her body prison she is still the vibrant, amazing person she was. But it is hard to see now. She is mostly hidden away.

This place continues to offer its magical variety of wind and calm, sunny and cloudy exchanges in each day and occasional rain. As I sit on Mom's deck I look out on a lovely green pasture filled with grazing cows and all sorts of other life forms. An American flag peeks through the trees from a neighbor's yard. The sky is mostly cloudy with some potential rain collecting in some of them. Other parts of the sky offer sunshine on this Sunday evening. There is a soft wind blowing through my hair and the trees above me. All is peaceful here.

Here you see the side of Mom's house from the road.

In spite of all this peacefulness, I am finding it difficult to stick to just one project. I have a list of things I want to accomplish while enjoying this undemanding place. But my old habit of starting lots of things and finishing few hangs over me. What should I do first: sort some of Mom's accumulation of stuff (which badly needs to be done), finish Daddy's story, sort Mom's pictures and organize them, prepare for the arrival of 7-9 grandchildren next week, work on my pastel drawings? All call to me. Why can't I just settle down and get each done in some sort of order? Why am I such a chaotic thinker? Why do my ideas far outpace my performance?

I suppose that life will always have many mysteries. I am grateful for the piece of it that God has given me.