Not long after arriving in Colorado, Dorothy called to say that doctors have found a new, small tumor in Carmen's brain. The cancer has returned! My heart absolutely sank. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't sleep all the following night. I was so invested in her recovery; I have made no room in my mind for a recurrence of the disease. The doctor thinks the tumor is not a result of cancer cells missed in the original surgery but rather a whole new tumor. That puts in my mind the idea that Carmen is growing the stuff from scratch; not a good sign.
After a day of thinking and praying I calmed down a little. Dorothy says that the doctors are recommending a much milder form of radiaton and oral chemo to kill the tumor. Carmen could still function as normally as before. I am feeling calmer now that a little time has passed. I wish I knew what is in store for our little girl. I believe our family can adjust to whatever happens; even to losing her if that is to be. But it would be nice to know how to invest our hopes and feelings. I am not inclined to lose hope for her. Not at all. I still feel that she can be cured and made well. But will she?
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