Pressure Release

I have been fretting for weeks about a presentation I was asked to give at our stake Women's Conference.  Thanks to the wonderful women in our addiction family support group, I have been taken up with the notion that members of the Church don't use the Atonement as we should.  I believe it was meant to address not just big bad sins but all the little faults and weaknesses that we live with every day.  I think we tend to keep them, thinking that it is no big thing.  What a shame not to be working on perfecting our character and overcoming our individual collection of weaknesses and unloving behaviors.  I think the Lord would have us use His gift to overcome any behavior that is not loving.  That is the criterion for judging what it is we should change about ourselves.  So my talk centered on this idea.  I worried that it would come across negatively and would be discouraging to our women.  But I believe the Spirit was with me and that it turned out well.  At least I had some good feedback that I found encouraging.  It has been awhile since I have felt the magic of ideas expanding with the presence of the Lord's Spirit into something more than planned.  It makes doing such things as this joyful.

Lately I have felt overwhelmed by things to do.  Being here has, up to now, been a sweet, comfortable time, with open spaces and plenty of time to make plans to pursue things I have been putting off for years.  But lately I have felt my time taken up with outside assignments and commitments.  This week offered me a partial solution to this condition.  My temple supervisor called me into her office this past Friday, during our regular Friday shift.  She pointed out to me that since we began our temple service here I have missed about half of the shifts.  Hum.  I didn't realize that I was quite that bad at attendance.  She essentially told me that I needed to change my ways and make the temple commitment a top priority.  I told her it was as top as I was prepared to make it.  She was not happy with that.  As the day proceeded I felt quite strongly that my conversation with her was my ticket out.  I told Layne later in the day and he immediately said, "we're out of here."  So we met with the temple president and told him we would be leaving our temple service and would return at a better time for us.  Next week is our last shift.

Serving in the temple has been a joy ever since we began.  But at this temple, it has been problematic.  I have struggled with it.  So I feel a rush of relief at the idea of no longer being obligated to be in the temple all day every Friday.  So...my presentation is over and our temple obligation is just about over.  Just our calling to work with addiction recovery remains.  I feel so good!

Yesterday my sister's son Russell and his family had dinner with us and spent the night, on their way home to Seattle, returning from a visit to Utah.  It seems that Boise is a convenient stop on the way to other places and I love it.  We had a great visit with them and enjoyed our time together.  Perhaps this is the beginning of another guest-filled summer.  I'd love that.

My sister's son Russell Berrett and his wife, Kristy, their children Olivia, Berkeley, and Eliana with their new pup, Charlie.  They are standing on our front yard, looking a little brown with no snow.

Big Plans Gone Awry

I always have big plans, you know.  I have lists of things that seem to be oh, so important.  So I am on the go just about all of the time trying to get those items checked off.  I suppose I learned this high pressure life style from the one I know best.  Can you guess who that might be?  That guy I love and live with functions from lists.  I used to hate it.  Now I seem to have the same disease.  I simply MUST be productive in some way.  In my mind I know that I go way overboard with this.

But this week was different.  Beginning last Sunday night I didn't want to do a thing.  That feeling carried me through the whole of last week.  Actually, I didn't choose to feel that way.  I got some sort of bug that slowed me way, way down.  I found myself laying around the whole of the week, missing yoga, singing, temple, shopping, etc.  I missed it and I didn't care.  I didn't even look at my list of "to dos".  Instead I spent my days laying on the couch in front of the fire, sleeping, reading and thinking.  It seemed a sort of gift in a way.  Layne puttered around me, sympathizing, and cooking dinner all week long.  Valentine's Day was spent on the couch and the romantic dinner we planned to have turned out to be leftovers in front of the TV watching one of my favorite romantic movies, "Enchanted April."
But Layne did give me flowers and a lovely card.  And I did manage to give him a love note in his temple bag.  So it was sorta romantic.  For a sick girl.

                My Valentine Flowers, and another small one on the right from friend Phyllis.

I'm much better today.  So I suppose all that leisure is over, for now.  Or maybe I should slip some in now and then, just for fun.

Snow!

We have been home from California for several weeks now.  The brown hills of California have stayed on my mind, as they should be the rich green of winter and they are not.  Idaho has also been struggling with much less rain and snow than normal as well.  So last fast Sunday there was a general fast for moisture.  The very next day the snow arrived here.  And the rain found California!  It feels like an answer to our prayers and I'm taking it as such.  I love the snow!  Maybe it is the California in me, but I find it beautiful and don't even mind shoveling it.  It is a fairy land here now and more snow and some rain is still expected.  I don't even mind driving in it as much as previously.  Layne bought snow tires for the car and it has made quite a difference.

I'm beginning to feel the pressure of lots to do here, much like I used to feel when we were in California.  We are working on a presentation on pornography and I have a talk to give on using the Atonement.  In addition, our singing group is rehearsing again for a series of spring concerts.  We are getting to know people here and becoming involved in activities and projects with some of them.  Sigh.  Part of me would like to hibernate and do my own projects and part of me enjoys being involved with outside stuff.  How do I find the right balance?

I have been trying to get more interested in family history.  I would like to write the stories of our ancestors and share them with family.  I'm hoping to finally partner with my sister; she finds them and I write about them.  Recently I read a statement by one of the general authorities that computers and the wonderful technological gadgets that we have now were inspired by God to promote His work and that if we use them for that, notably family history work, they are much less likely to be used for such dark stuff as pornography.  I think that is an idea worth sharing and indulging in.

So, as the time rushes by, I feel grateful for the comforts of life, for the snow, and for the warm fire that burns before me at this very minute.  Soon we will be out in the middle of the evening weather, attending another of our pornography support group meetings.  And life goes on.

                                                  Our house, in between storms.

                                      Me shoveling snow from the driveway.  Such fun!

                         On the way out of our development; thank goodness for snow tires!

Babysitting Seven Kids!

Several months ago son Ben (father of seven) asked me if I would consider babysitting his children in January so he and wife Jes could take a trip to Hawaii.  I told him I would and that I'd bring Dad along with me.  There is something about distance that makes challenges doable.  My commitment was months away so agreeing felt easy.  As the time got closer I began to worry a little bit that we might not be up for the challenge.  They planned to leaved their youngest, Victoria, with us as well.  She is 7 months old and still nursing.  And not sleeping through the night.  Could we manage that and care for the remaining 6 properly?  A bit of worry began to creep into my thoughts.

                 Here are the older 6 of Ben and Jessica's children, in an earlier photo.

Ben bought us round trip air tickets to Palo Alto and back so we packed up, said a few prayers, and left for California on January 15th.  Ben and Jes left for their trip in high spirits on the 16th and we were on our own.  For the next 6 days!  Layne made out a calendar of events and I organized our routine, giving the kids some "grandma and grandpa rules" while we were there.  They were great at keeping them.  I'm reminded once again how accommodating children can be.  With just a few reminders they managed to do as we asked.  Worries were for nothing.

                            Bath time for Victoria, Abigail and Jonathan.

                                                     My birthday roses from Layne.

                                                  Abigail's 5th birthday, on Sunday.

Grandson Scott, with their pet bird.  He leaves on a mission sometime this coming summer.

Not that there weren't challenges.  The baby, Victoria, didn't care much for our efforts at replacing her nursing routine.  She wouldn't drink from a bottle and didn't sleep all through the night.  For the first two days and nights that is.  Then she adjusted.  She finally took the bottle and, once I decided not to respond to her requests for nightly rendezvous, she slept through the night.  It took two nights of 2-4 hours of sleep for me to figure out that, with a little encouragement, she could make it.  After that, my nights were full of sleep and my energy held.  What a wonder to behold how adaptable children are.  Victoria soon realized that I was as good as she was going to get, so she happily adjusted to me.  We had a good bond.

                             Victoria, happily settling for Grandma, the "feeder."

Our days were filled with jobs to do to care for all the kids.  I never left the house while Layne did all the outside activities like shopping and running the kids around to their various activities.  It was a good partnership.  On Sunday we all went to Brentwood to visit the other kids.  Otherwise we were home.  In all the hassle of doing, I longed for a chance to have a sweet bonding time with each of the children.  I prayed for it.  And the blessing came.  I spent a wonderful evening with the girls as they went to bed one night.  We talked heart to heart and a tender spirit emerged between us.  Several mornings the boys awoke early and they cuddled with me as we talked and admired the moonlight shining in the backyard.  And so the most important part of our time with them was accomplished.  They know that we love them.

                         In the meantime, here are Ben and Jes, on Sunday, in Hawaii.

                                                           Ben and Jes, having fun.

                                                           Our lovely, relaxed kids.

Ben and Jes returned on the 21st (Jessica's 40th birthday), full of enthusiasm and happy memories.  On Wednesday we flew home.  In spite of all the work it took to care for those children, I'm so happy that we did.  There is no blessing that outshines family.

Snow and Not

While our Gendreau grandchildren were here, they wished and wished for a snowstorm. While the snow did stay on the ground, nothing from heaven fell during their visit. Earlier this week however we awoke to a heavy layer of new snow. What a treat to the eyes to see white in every direction; even the sky was white.  All of that white lit up the outside and I found it cheering.  Perhaps it is because I'm a California girl and not used to such things.  So far, I love this winter!

It is strange to say that, in spite of a very white beginning to this week, the temperature has been rising and today it is raining.  The rain is washing away the snow and outside now looks brown instead of white.  I don't like it nearly as well.

Our driveway last Monday morning.  You can see Layne at the end of the driveway, shoveling.

                                Here's a view of the front yard on Monday morning.

       Here is our front yard today; the rain has washed away most of the snow.  I miss it.

It has been a lovely week, full of plans for organizing anew the things around here.  There is something about sorting and arranging things that makes me happy.  I love the feeling of having things "just right".  Not that I've achieved that as of yet, but I'm working on it and enjoying the process.  There are interruptions to my organizing world however.  There are other things to be done and I have to pull myself away from my orderly efforts.  Friend Phyllis Salsedo has finally accomplished her plans to move here.  She is here and has been in need of time and attention.  She is once again a reminder that, in the people versus stuff battle of life, people are supposed to win.  So I have spent quite a bit of time with her during the week.  I've enjoyed that too.

I attended a free class this week on energy and how to control it in our bodies.  Hum.  I don't really know quite what to think of it.  I guess there is something to some of it but, like a lot of things people come up with, I think some of it is imaginative.  I discussed it with Layne.  With a snort he declared all of it as bunk.  No mincing of words in his world.  So I guess I won't sign up for the class.  I wasn't going to anyhow.

This coming week we fly to California to babysit for son Ben and Jessica for a week.  There are seven very active children in that household.  I hope we are up to it.

A New Start

When I was younger and living in the past century, the year 2000 seemed very far away.  It felt like it would be a different world once we got past 1999.  But here we are, 14 years later, and, while life is different, it has not brought the catastrophic changes  I imagined.  Not yet.  Life goes on, with ever increasing speed.  I would like to say that I'm fully adjusted to the rush of change that accompanies it, but I'm not.  I am stretching to try and keep up.

Grandchildren are a dramatic reminder of what the world is like for them now.  I can see that there are many dark holes for them to fall into if they are not aware; there are increasing dangers in our society.  Working with addiction recovery has opened my eyes further to the traps that lie so close to us.  I hope that we can be part of the positive influence that they will need to survive and thrive.

Our Gendreau kids were pumped about New Year's Eve.  We planned special treats and games.  Layne bought fire crackers and confetti.  We all managed to stay up and welcome in 2014 with noise and a good wish toast with Martinelli.  It was fun!  The rest of our week passed quickly with babes still not wanting any outdoors activity.  There have been no storms, but snow is still everywhere; a testimony of the unusual cold that is preserving it.  By the end of the week they were missing parents and home.  So packing up for a return trip on Saturday was welcomed.

                              Here's Peyton and New Year's Eve confetti.

                      Gemma playing Uno with us, moving us to the countdown to midnight.

                                            Miles and our NYE toast.

       Not much outdoor time, but here is Peyton, shaking down snow from one of our trees.

                                 Here's Gemma, admiring the snow!

Daughter Audrey and Cliff arrived late on New Year's Day, with their daughter Allegra.  She is on her way to BYU Idaho for her first year of college.  All sorts of feeling accompanied this school journey of hers:  excitement, nervousness, sadness, anticipation.  All of these emotions come with change it seems.  It was hard for Audrey and Cliff to give up their second daughter to a growing independence.  How well I remember those feelings.  Sometimes I still have them.  Allegra is as pure and innocent a girl as one could wish for.  She is now settling in at Rexburg and her folks are mourning her absence at home.

                                     Our lovely Allegra poses here, all ready for college.

                  Our parting at the Subway Shop.  Gemma, me, Layne, Peyton and Miles.

On Saturday we met daughter Jessica and Chris halfway between here and Normandy Park, WA, at a Subway shop off the freeway.  It was a happy reunion!  I believe that Chris and Jes had a great time on their trip to St. Thomas island.  So, as usual, this time with family was sweet and rewarding.

Now for the clean-up.

Christmas 2013

I am happy here in Idaho.  But the thought of spending the Christmas season away from family made me a little sad.  All of our group traditions are out of reach now.  Why is it, I wonder, that I am so resistant to change?  It seems to be a human pattern to fight it.  Yet it often brings unexpected joys. Well, trials too I suppose.  My Christmas thoughts usually centered around family; especially grandchildren.  My plans always revolved around how to celebrate it for them.  So decorating for Christmas here seemed somehow less interesting.  I told my sister Maryanne this early in December. She and her hub Bob have decorated their new home in Draper, Utah with a flourish.  "You should decorate for you and Layne," she said.  "Decorate!"  she said.  So I did.  Though I admit not so completely as in former years.  Still, I have enjoyed my house full of Christmas even without extended family to share it with.

Our special Christmas in our living room.

Layne and I had a small Christmas celebration on Sunday the 22nd.  We agreed not to buy each other gifts, for the first time ever.  But he bought me one anyhow.  And I love it.  We had a sweet time in front of the fire, surrounded by Christmas lights and trees.  On Monday we headed for Seattle, to spend Christmas with daughter Jessica and her family.  It is the first time ever that we have been to their house for this holiday.  Of course it was different, but also very enjoyable.  I love my family!  Being with our Gendreau kids was one of the hidden blessings of our move here.  It is 8 hours to their house; an easy day drive.  We spent Christmas Eve and Day with them, then headed back for home, with their three kids for a week or so while Chris and Jes take a trip together.

Christmas morning at the Gendreau home with
daughter Jessica, husband Chris, Gemma, Miles and Peyton.

Peyton, Gemma and Miles beginning their Christmas unwrapping.

The drive through "the Blues" on our way home from Seattle.
We were blessed with clear roads!

Our first white Christmas!  The trees on the drive to Idaho
sparkled with ice.  It was so beautiful!

Grandchildren.  Three of them.  When they are with us, my life centers around them.  I live for them.  I cook what they like and play endless board games with them.  I read to them and we talk and laugh together.  It is such fun.  I always worry that I won't have the insight to meet their needs; that they will be bored; that they won't have a good time.  But I forget how easy it is to love them and enjoy them.  These particular children are not members of the Church so I feel a need to share my faith with them; to give them a hope of faith in God and the pleasure of prayer.  So each day I try to share something of God with them.  I worry that without that faith the world will eat them up.  Each day I pray that I will share the right things with them.  I hope it is enough.

A lengthy game of Risk with Miles and Gemma.  It would have
gone on for days, I sure, if they hadn't decided to bag it after
a day's effort at determining a winner.

Gemma wasn't up for Risk.  Here is how she spent
her time during our never-ending game battle.

Although it has not stormed for quite awhile, there is still snow everywhere here.  It is colder than normal (so we are told), so the snow hasn't melted much.  The kids like it and ran through it for most of their first day here.  But it is cold.  So most of the time we are inside.  Tonight we plan to stay up to welcome the new year in.  The kids will be up for it.  I hope we will!