Daughters-in-law

Some weeks are solitary and some are not.  This past week was full of family efforts.  Daughter-in-law Jessica asked me to help her with kid activities on Thursday.  Daughter-in-law Dorothy asked me to help her with babies and house work several days this past week, as she continues her recovery from a hysterectomy.  While it took most of my open time, I like the combination of working and family.  I'm a working kind of girl; there is just something about it that I find fulfilling.  Perhaps it is because it is measurable.  Dorothy and I bought and assembled a shelf for her living room.  There it stands, a moment to our combined effort.  Measurable.  Observable.

Visiting and bonding on the other hand lives inside me, not easily measurable or observable.  Not that I don't like that as well.  But it is harder to measure the place it takes in the unrolling of time.  Dorothy and I have had some wonderful conversations accompanying our errands and work.  Understanding her enlarges my affection for her.  Jessica and I have also had sweet conversations.  There is something to be said for girl bonding.  I've mentioned it already, but I really enjoy spending time with the women in my life.  My daughters-in-law have become my girls, in heart and mind.

One of my dreams is to bring all of our grandchildren together for a week each summer.  We've managed to do that for a couple of summers now.  But there is always some of the kids missing.  This summer is speedily approaching and my plans for the yearly "cousin camp" are quickly needing major readjustments.  As I discussed it all with Layne, I lost my patience.  He sometimes sees things so differently than I do as to cause me major frustration.  The personality flaw I'm most interested in ridding myself of is impatience and anger.  So losing it on Layne put me in a bit of a depression--about myself and my inability to fix this part of me.  How does one change, really?

 We will work the cousin reunion out, I'm sure.  But I wish I could be gentler and more patient about it.  

My Thursday errand for Jessica included attending
the school kids' open house.  Here's Ben with Jacqueline.

Ben with Alexis.  I enjoyed the school Open House
quite well.

Here is Beecher Leversee, the young man who
has been living in a motorhome on our property
for months now.  He is leaving for good and
this is his goodbye picture.

An Eclipse and a Blessing

Layne had a special opportunity tonight to give a Patriarchal Blessing to our grandson, Scott.  Since he is a close relative, Layne can bless him even though he lives outside our stake.  Scott is the eldest son of our son Reed and his wife, Dorothy.  The whole family came over tonight and sat in on this special blessing.  Their tenderness after the blessing told me that the Spirit was there and it went well.  I believe Scott felt the love of his grandfather and his Heavenly Father.    That was proven to me when I transcribed it a few minutes ago.  What an amazing privilege it is to have such things happen to us.

Layne and grandson, Scott, after the blessing

Layne's pinhole pattern for seeing the eclipse

The eclipse at its height, as seen through the pinhole, on cardboard.

Afterwards we called son Gerald in Taiwan (via SKYPE--another blessing) and sang him Happy Birthday.  Shortly after that we witnessed the solar eclipse.  Layne made a cardboard cutout to measure the eclipse and it was fascinating!  We all gathered at the appointed time to see it at its peak (the sun was 95% covered) as measured on our cardboard cutout.  Then we enjoyed our dinner to the dimmed summer sunlight of an eclipse.  Pretty fascinating!

A Little More Old Lady

When things come in bunches, they are hard to ignore.  As I may have mentioned previously, my goal for this year is fitness.  So I've been exercising regularly four times a week at least.  Tuesday was tennis.  It is such fun, and I believe I am getting better at the game.  Since taking some lessons, I can at least diagnose what I continue to do wrong.  But I think I'm also making more moves correctly.  So, to return to Tuesday, I was making one of my improved moves to return a ball when my left calf muscle contracted without my permission.  I stretched it; I walked it; I rubbed it.  It would not relax.  The game was over for me.  I hobbled to the car and later into the house.  Son-in-law Cliff diagnosed it as a strained muscle, involving some tearing.  He can tell all of this by feeling.  Amazing.  He told me what to do to fix the problem and I am proud to say that I have followed his advice to the letter.  Hence, today it is much improved.  I've never experienced this before and couldn't help thinking that maybe it was an old lady thing.  I was comforted to hear that daughter Audrey, much younger than I, has also experienced the same thing.  So maybe it wasn't exactly "old lady."

I mentioned things that come in bunches.  I also have a sore knee, as mentioned in previous blogs, and a sore joint on my hand.  It is enlarging as well.  So I have three active "issues" that seem to be calling to my attention my descent into senior-hood.  I have noticed that aging comes in cycles.  I seem to hold at the same level for quite awhile and then, out of nowhere, I take a slight plunge.  Right now it feels like I am plunging.  I'm glad that changes usually come gradually.  It gives one time to adjust.  So, OK, I'm adjusting.  At least I think I am.

Here's Bruce and John in the background,
at Reed and Dorothy's home in Brentwood.

Daughter-in-law Dorothy (mother of 6) went in for a hysterectomy on Wednesday.  I hobbled over to her home on Wednesday to stay with her and Reed's boys.  I spent the night on their couch, having fallen asleep there in my clothes, exhausted.  On Thursday I brought their baby Bruce and foster son John home with me for Audrey and her kids to care for, for a couple of days.  Whew.  I took a good nap on Thursday to get my strength back.  Maybe I really am descending into an older form of woman.  Or maybe I was just tired to begin with.  Hobbling is tiring after all.

Moms and Such

This is my original wedding ring, with the
band, now cracked at the bottom.

A couple of weeks ago Layne asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day.  Having recently broken my wedding band, I asked him for a new one.  He agreed!  Together we picked one out and had my wedding diamond set in it.  I love it!  It is a whole new ring!  And it was ready in time for Mother's Day.  I hate to go on and on about a piece of jewelry, but I simply must.  It is lovely and will certainly now outlive me.  I don't have a chance of wearing this one out.

Here's the new ring.  It is the white gold band in the middle,
trimmed in gold.  

This is the first year I have not had a mother to celebrate on Mother's Day.  It feels strange.  While I am sure my mother is doing just fine where she is, I continue to miss her.  Especially now.  This is a time to celebrate mothers and somehow, even though I am an older girl, I still want my mom.

My mother, Mary Margaret Knox Kiser
when she was 25.

In spite of that, we had a nice Mother's Day celebration.  Our men did all the cooking and clean-up and they made sure that there was something to eat that each mother among us especially loves.  I love having men in my life!  I heard from all of my children.  Some were here and some called.  Sometimes things click with conversations and they turn into deep exchanges.  Some of that happened yesterday.  I had a nice philosophical discussion with my son Reed about the use of time, among other things.  The options to plan just about all of my time looms before me many of my days and I love it.  But it is easy to waste it.  I wonder why it is still hard for me to discipline myself in using time wisely.  And why do I put the things I really want to do at the bottom of my list?  It seems that I am still a mystery to myself.

I've lately been thinking about life at this time and place in the history of the world and marveling that I can be here, in this place, with these people, at this time.  I'm keenly aware that, of all the people who have ever set foot upon this earth, I am among the very blessed.  We live in amazingly fine circumstances, among good people, with a gospel philosophy that enlarges mind and spirit.  It is something to celebrate.

I have been pressuring Layne to make some more family trips.  My place of choice now is Utah.  I'd like Layne to reconnect with his twin brother. They rarely talk.  Men are funny.  I talk to my sister all the time.  What is the deal with men?  Why do they not want to bond?  Layne loves his brother but feels no need to actually talk to him or to spend time with him.  I wonder how he can think of his brother as close to him under these circumstances.  How do men define "close"?  I've asked Layne about this but I cannot understand his answers.  He busies himself with various projects and yard tasks and loves it.  Spring finds him outside most of the time, cutting weeds and planting the vegetable garden.  He finds it fun and rewarding.  He seems perfectly content with his own company and doesn't seem to miss conversations with others at all.  I could never be a man.

Grandson Isaiah turned 14 this month.
Before him you see a chocolate cream puff
with strawberries and whipped cream.  Yum.

Mental Meanderings

There are times when activities and demands take up all of my mental space.  I've become used to stuffing brief moments with as much creative thinking as I can muster.  This past week, however, has offered more open time than usual.  So I've been thinking more than usual.  With that comes a reminding that conversation often opens up more thoughts and feelings than I realized I had.  There has been time for such things this week.

Early in the week I went to lunch with 5 ladies from my past.  They are all older than I am, which is unusual these days.  We spoke of many things and with each conversation, threads of thought emerged that I didn't fully realize were inside of me.  I wonder how much of us is deeply enough embedded within as to be hidden, even from ourselves.  There was time for deep conversation during my temple shift as well.  And later with a far-away friend, Nora Jacobson, and my own daughter, Audrey.  It felt good to have so many conversations this week.  There is a certain joy in getting things inside of me, out.  It clarifies and even excites.

Granddaughter Allegra walked with me along this trail
in Sunol Park, near our home.  Here's another place for
thinking and good conversation. 

I've tried having these kinds of deep conversations with Layne.  He is very sweet about listening to me carry on.  "Um-hum," he says repeatedly as I ramble.  But he has little to actually say in response.  I have a man who loves the doing but not necessarily the talking.  I love deep, exploring kinds of conversation.  For me, it is the women in my life that enables this kind of communication.  Layne prefers more private thought, or working in the yard. Or eating together.  Or watching TV together.  Or simply taking a nap.  I've no doubt that he has a very active mental life but I must ask the right questions to get it out.  I'm not very good at that.  For now, I need the girls in my life.

Shooting and Seattle

"The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed," promises our US  Constitution.  I absolutely believe that this amendment should not be compromised.  Well, it already has.  But what remains of our right to bear arms should be carefully protected.  Of course bearing arms becomes meaningless if we don't know how to use those arms.  For quite awhile Layne has been promising to teach me how to shoot.  Tuesday was our day.  Our neighbors, the Bondersons, have a shooting range, which they invited us to use.  Layne carefully showed me how to load, hold and fire a pistol.   We fired at a paper target, then a soda pop can.   It was a little scary at first to hold and fire a gun.  But with each pull of the trigger it got easier.  Then it got fun.  I'm thinking, with some regular practice, I could really get into this.

I have not returned to my unfinished project of last week.  I'm still not ready to readdress that.  Instead we have filled the week with other, more interesting things.  After a fun experience shooting guns, we packed up and caught a flight to Seattle on Wednesday, after our temple shift.  Daughter Jessica lives there with her family.  As I've explained before, we fly stand-by.  Ordinarily that is a stressful adventure because there is no guarantee that the adventure is actually going to take place.  But when Layne is with me I let go of the stress of it.  Somehow Layne's presence is settling.  We missed our first flight into Seattle.  My stomach was calm.  No problem.  We ate dinner at the airport and tried again.  This time we made the flight and arrived late Wednesday night with no problems except a major loss of sleep, since we arose at 4:30 Wednesday morning.

Layne spent most of the time working on the books for Jessica's bookstore.  Her charming used bookstore is a fun place to hang out, which I did most of the first day.  There was also time to play with the kids.  I like bling.  I'm telling you that because I get way too excited about things that sparkle and glow.  I bought glow bracelets at the dollar store near Jessica's store and decorated the kids' bedrooms with them each night when they went to bed.  Did they get a kick out of it?  Hum.  Not sure.  But I did.  Bling.  That's one of the things I love.  Playing with the kids is another thing.

We got a great visit in with Jessica and a pretty good one with her husband Chris.  One thing about our family that I regret is that we are so emotionally controlled.  Layne and I are both like that so it is the pattern we gave our children.  No alternatives were offered because we didn't know how.  So our children tend to keep strong emotions well in hand.  That's good and bad.  There is little in the way of unpleasantness or emotional explosions in our family, but there is also little sharing of emotions.  I wish that were different.  I think we could be better support for each other if we could share more of our emotional lives with each other.  But I don't know how to do that.  I never shed a tear in public and rarely do in private.  I think that is more of a handicap than an asset but feel powerless to change it.

Daughter Jessica's children below:

 Peyton (soon to be 8)  having fun in dress-ups

Young reader Gemma (12), at work on another book.

 Miles (10) posing for me.

We are home now.  What magic it is to be able to, in a few short hours, bridge the gap between Seattle and Pleasanton.   Isaiah said, "...they come with speed swiftly, none shall be weary nor stumble among them; none shall slumber nor sleep; neither shall the girdle of their loins be loosed nor the latchet of their shoes be broken...their wheels [shall be] like a whirlwind..." (Isaiah 5:26-28).  Our trip home was like a whirlwind!  We live in amazing times.  I'm grateful.

A Quiet time

When I was a girl, many weekends offered wonderful possibilities for doing whatever I set it into my mind to do. It was delicious, open time.  I can remember talking about possibilities for the use of this time often, with Mother and my sister Maryanne.  Mother was a very creative person and always had lots of ideas.  We sometimes got so caught up with possibilities that we literally spent the whole of our open time talking about them instead of doing them.  It is a funny, happy memory.  I wonder if it contributed to my feeling now that, somehow, accomplishment is tied to my feelings of worth.  As in my girlhood, I still plan my open time to include accomplishing the myriad of goals I have set for myself.  It is joyful to see some goal met, some activity completed.

This past week offered a gift of open time.  But there was little accomplished.  Not that I didn't try.  I had great hopes of finally finishing a jacket that I started weeks ago.  It was a creative project.  I designed the style and created the pattern.  I planned to line it with thermal material, for warmth.  But the pattern was too big and the lining material didn't lay properly.  I have worked over it for hours trying to make it right.  Last night, after ripping out the sleeves three times, I gave up.  For the moment.  As last night marked the end of my week, I felt such a depression.  I felt the hours spent on this project were wasted.  I had little to show for my 5 days of relatively open time.  My mind says I should not respond this way, but my emotions carry on without my permission.

Things are better after a night's sleep.  I'll work on that jacket again, after my mind has had time to think up solutions to the various issues regarding it.  And I did do other things this past week that were measurable accomplishments.  And why in the world can't I just relax and enjoy the time given to me?  Why must it always be filled with projects?  I don't know.

We have had lots of rain, finally.  Our yard looks as good as it ever does.  It's a very good time for potential buyers to check out our house.  Layne has been full of optimism about selling this place and talks of all that we can do once it is sold.  He feels a lightness at the very thought of it.  He has been anticipating a visit from the man who voiced such an interest in our home last week.  But we've not heard from him.  Perhaps, as we originally thought, it will take some time to find a buyer after all.  I'm happy and sad about this.

Granson Timmy finding an egg at last Saturday's hunt.

Our colorful yard showing the house in the background.

A beautiful mix of orange and purple fills our front yard.

And so we face another week.  It is looking a bit fuller than the last.  I'm trying not to fill it up with dreams.