A Quiet time

When I was a girl, many weekends offered wonderful possibilities for doing whatever I set it into my mind to do. It was delicious, open time.  I can remember talking about possibilities for the use of this time often, with Mother and my sister Maryanne.  Mother was a very creative person and always had lots of ideas.  We sometimes got so caught up with possibilities that we literally spent the whole of our open time talking about them instead of doing them.  It is a funny, happy memory.  I wonder if it contributed to my feeling now that, somehow, accomplishment is tied to my feelings of worth.  As in my girlhood, I still plan my open time to include accomplishing the myriad of goals I have set for myself.  It is joyful to see some goal met, some activity completed.

This past week offered a gift of open time.  But there was little accomplished.  Not that I didn't try.  I had great hopes of finally finishing a jacket that I started weeks ago.  It was a creative project.  I designed the style and created the pattern.  I planned to line it with thermal material, for warmth.  But the pattern was too big and the lining material didn't lay properly.  I have worked over it for hours trying to make it right.  Last night, after ripping out the sleeves three times, I gave up.  For the moment.  As last night marked the end of my week, I felt such a depression.  I felt the hours spent on this project were wasted.  I had little to show for my 5 days of relatively open time.  My mind says I should not respond this way, but my emotions carry on without my permission.

Things are better after a night's sleep.  I'll work on that jacket again, after my mind has had time to think up solutions to the various issues regarding it.  And I did do other things this past week that were measurable accomplishments.  And why in the world can't I just relax and enjoy the time given to me?  Why must it always be filled with projects?  I don't know.

We have had lots of rain, finally.  Our yard looks as good as it ever does.  It's a very good time for potential buyers to check out our house.  Layne has been full of optimism about selling this place and talks of all that we can do once it is sold.  He feels a lightness at the very thought of it.  He has been anticipating a visit from the man who voiced such an interest in our home last week.  But we've not heard from him.  Perhaps, as we originally thought, it will take some time to find a buyer after all.  I'm happy and sad about this.

Granson Timmy finding an egg at last Saturday's hunt.

Our colorful yard showing the house in the background.

A beautiful mix of orange and purple fills our front yard.

And so we face another week.  It is looking a bit fuller than the last.  I'm trying not to fill it up with dreams.

Saint George and Easter

There are very few kindred spirits in this world.  I have several and they all live away from me; some quite far away.  Trudy Ostler is one of my kindreds.  She now lives in St. George.  I spent much of last week visiting her.  Her husband was gone so we had girl time, all the time.  When I have the chance of it, I can be quite a gabber.  Trudy is one of those safe people for me, so I gabbed.  It felt good to be able to talk about all sorts of things, unbridled and unlimited by time.  Time did pass quickly, as it always does, but it was filled with all sorts of nourishment.

Trudy and I in her house in St. George

Here I am on the red hills of St. George.  I love those climbing
ridges that the hills provide.  

Grandson Timothy was too young for the night hunt, but he gathered
all the glow bracelets after the hunt and models them here.

Here is grandson Scott, after the hunt.

Here is my tired boy tolerating a glow halo.

I've decided that I like St. George.  At least I like the red earth that surrounds it.  We hiked all through the red hills near Trudy's home one day.  I can't quite explain the euphoric feeling I had being there, in the middle of all that red dirt.  We were in the presence of an ancient volcano.  Remains of it were everywhere:  blackened rocks, volcanic rock and, most interesting, red mounds that looked like solid pudding.  They must have been hot at some time in the ancient past.  There they stand, pudding-like, with their layers offering steps up to their tops.  We had such fun climbing them and winding our way down to the various paths that fill the area.  What a beautiful place.  But of course I was not there in the summer.  I'm imagining that my enthusiasm might be a bit compromised at that time of year, with Saint George temperatures in the hundreds.

Our home is now officially for sale.  We had an open house for brokers on Friday.  Several couples showed up as well.  Both loved the home but one man especially liked it.  He WANTS it.  But he has to convince his wife.  Who would have thought that there would be interested parties the very first day?!  It makes me both sad and glad.  I will be sad to leave here.  There is much to love and a few things to bug.  I was thinking it would take a long time to sell the house, but maybe not.  If it sells soon, I'll need to focus on the bugs.

I got home just in time for our annual Easter Egg hunts.  Friday night the older kids gathered for a night hunt.  I read about making eggs glow by putting glow-in-the-dark bracelets inside.  So I decided to try it.  Each person had a different color egg and each person had 10 eggs to find.  Dorothy and I hid them just before dark so the glow would last.  We hid them in our budding orchard.  We place glow sticks all along the path to the orchard and then placed the eggs throughout.  The kids LOVED it.  I was so pleased that they liked it as much as they did.  The night was clear and cool, with a full moon giving the sky a slight glow.  It was perfect.

The next day the rest of the kids came for a daytime hunt.  It was tons of fun too.  I can't say why, but I love to hide Easter Eggs and love to watch the kids find them.  What a happy time.  We also had a lesson on Christ and the resurrection using scriptures hidden in eggs.  The kids picked an egg and read a numbered scripture, which unfolded the story.  Our pre-reader, Abigail, held up pictures to illustrate the scriptures.  It also went well.  Or so it seemed to me.

Today is Easter.  Son Ben and his family came, with food.  We ate a fondue dinner and dessert.  Wow, what a feast.  As the day closes, it seems a good time to express gratitude for the all-important gift of the Atonement.  l'm so happy to know that Christ both lived and lives, and has given to all of us in the world the means to overcome every dark thing.  Priceless.

Something Finished

I'm happy to report that I did finish Ben's childhood scrapbook.  We took it and all the other memorabilia from his childhood to Ben's home on Monday night.  I think he was pleased with it.  Certainly he was surprised.  At least I think he was.  Our family is not what I would call an emotionally open one.  That means that we don't let our feeling spill out randomly; not without some thought.  What I like about that is that there is a peaceful theme that runs throughout our relationships with our children.  What I don't like about that is we often don't know what feelings lurk behind the scenes.  If I could start again I think I'd like to create an atmosphere where more emotion and feelings were shared.  I don't know how to do that, of course.  If I did I would have done so by now.  Besides, there is no going back, so it seems the best thing to do is just enjoy my family as it is.

Here is Ben and Jessica's son William opening a birthday present.
We celebrated his April birthday at our extended Family Home Evening tonight.

Here is much of our gang watching William open his gifts.  Quite a crowd, eh?

Two of our grandsons spent several days with us.  Vincent and Timothy are Reed's sons.  They visited with us so Layne could help them build their Pinewood Derby cars.  Layne is the kind of guy who figures out how to do whatever needs doing.  Our sons seem to depend upon this particular gift that he has.  The guys got their cars finished and we enjoyed them very much.  Grandparenting is fun, especially when the crowd is small and there is a chance for a little one-on-one.

That was not possible today, when all the local kids came over to watch the Church's General Conference, eat dinner and a experience a Family Home Evening.  When all of us are together there seems to be no way to avoid a certain level of chaos.  But it's fun too.  And exhausting.  Once everyone goes, there is major clean-up, then we fall into bed.

Layne has given two patriarchal blessings using his new system of depending upon what comes to him at the actual time of the blessing.  I think he has hit upon a system that works for him.  The blessings are lovely and more personal using this system.  He feels more relaxed and more trusting that the Lord will actually speak to him.  It's a spiritual leap for him.  I think he feels like the light is beginning to dawn within him regarding this assignment.  I'm happy for him.

This coming week our home goes on the market.  I'll be in St. George, visiting my friend Trudy Ostler.  I think I'm happy to be gone for this beginning of the end of our time here.  

Scrapbooking

It is interesting how a memory can be stoked with triggers.  For years I've been planning on putting together a childhood scrapbook for each of my five children.  Every year I tell myself that this will be the year for it.  I did the same thing this year.  But this year is turning out to be a little different.  This year I'm actually doing it.  Son Ben has a birthday this month (yesterday actually).  I determined to get his boyhood captured for it.  So I've been working just about non-stop.  Wow, does it take a lot of time.  Layne keeps complaining that I'm taking much too much time at it.  As I view the pictures of his childhood a flood of memories returns to my mind.  Things come to me that I haven't thought about in years.  I suppose all those memories are really stored just barely out of reach, ready to come forth with a little trigger.  Isn't it a marvel what the brain can hold?  I love reviewing those former times.  There is a tenderness in my heart about my little boy Ben that returns to me as I see him little once again.  Once more he grows up before my eyes.  It makes life appear to speed by and I'm reminded that I'd better get to whatever I want to accomplish before I leave this place.

The scrapbook is at last almost finished.  A few finishing touches will have it ready.  So I didn't quite make his birthday, but plan to give it to him tomorrow.  I'm so happy to have one fifth of this monumental task finished!  It is strong motivation to keep up the momentum and do the rest.  So I think I will.

We've been on the go during most of our evenings this past week.  I find it interesting that an empty nest can be so busy.  One of our activities took us back to Fremont to see foster daughter Michelle Montandon's daughter perform in "Beauty and the Beast".  Her high school put it on.  We loved it.  They did a great job.  It warms my heart to see the kids perform in something that has an uplifting message.  There seems to be little consideration given to that when productions are chosen for high school students.  I'm thinking that the young performers absorb the stories they tell on a deep level. So they should be uplifting ones with positive messages.  This story has that.  Beauty is my favorite fairy tale.  It seems to promote the idea of looking beyond appearances and judging others by their hearts.  There is integrity in the story and, of course, a happy ending.  What a great message for kids.  Michelle's daughter, Kelsey, played the wardrobe in the Beast's castle.  You can see her here, with me.  She, along with everyone else, did a great job.  It was pure joy to see.

Layne has been investing lots of time on his new calling as a patriarch.  He is trying to figure out how to get it right.  I've enjoyed watching him go through the process.  He's been fasting, praying, meditating, listening and reading instructions and reading the scriptures.  He has developed the habit of praying about each candidate that comes to him and receiving information about them over several days.  He writes it down and commits it to memory, to use during the actual blessing.  But he is considering the notion that taking a leap of faith and totally depending upon the Spirit to speak to him at the time he lays his hands on the candidate's head may be a better way to go.  As he was reading the scriptures this morning he hit upon
a scripture in the Doctrine and Covenants which says, in part, "...and it shall be given thee in the very moment what thou shalt speak and write..."  That solidified the idea in his mind.  Today he will test it out with another blessing.

Kelsey and me right after her performance in
"Beauty and the Beast" at Irvington High School, in Fremont.

We are gearing up to get our home ready to place on the market.  As I look outside this morning, the hills are green and full of living things, all moving about in the clearing skies.  What inspiration spreads before my eyes.  I hate to leave such a place.  But I am not in mourning.  I think of all the money we will save when we move on to another place.  I look forward to that.  We don't know where it will be or when.  But I am comforted that we are doing the right thing.

A Chance to Create

As usual, I had a plan for my week.  Being married to a very structured man has influenced me to lose almost all of my spontaneity.  Not that I think it is a bad thing; I accomplish much more under the influence of my organized companion.  As I was saying, I did have a creative plan for my week, until granddaughter Allegra approached me with a request.  It seems that she was asked to the Mormon Prom, which happened yesterday, and needed a dress.  There was no time and not enough money to shop online for already made dresses, so we hit the discount stores to see if we could find something.  No luck.  So, the remaining solution was to make one...in less than a week.

Guess who that challenge fell to?!  It seems that I'm the only one close by who can sew something of such magnitude.  So we went fabric shopping and, for $50, found several patterns and fabric that could make Allegra's vision of what she wanted come true.  In addition, another girl in the ward did find a dress in the discount stores, but only a strapless one.  So, under the suggestion of Allegra, she asked if I could add something to the top of the dress to make it more modest.  So....my week was filled with prom dresses.

Adding to the ready-made dress turned out to be easy.  I just added wide straps and some matching lace.  Allegra's friend loved it.  But I was worried about making Allegra's dress.  The thing is, with sewing, you never know if you'll like it in the end or not; not until you have invested in the fabric, made the dress and tried it on.  I decided that this dress was worth praying over.  So that is what I did.  And I fitted the dress to her body every step of the way.  It went much smoother than I anticipated.  And she liked it!  I finished it by Thursday, to her satisfaction.  It took the blending of three patterns and some additions of my own to make it work.  With all that effort leading to a successful conclusion I feel good about my efforts.

I accomplished almost nothing else this week and saw almost no one else.  This project reminds me of my love for doing creative things and how fun it is to be able to do something with no interruptions:  to start and hang with a project until it is finished.  That is the absolutely best way to do something, it seems to me, and almost never happens.  Interruptions sometimes actually help, I am willing to admit.  Those distractions give the mind a chance to incubate and, sometimes, come up with a better way to accomplish the task.  Either way, creating original stuff is fun.

Allegra was asked to the Prom via this bouquet, which
tells her to pop the balloons in her room until she finds
a message (the invitation).

Here's the message.

Allegra accepted the invitation with this cake.  So...she and her
date, Blake, never actually spoke before the arrangements were all made!

In spite of being side-ways, have you ever seen such hair as
grows on the head of Allegra?  It is even almost red!

Here is Allegra in the custom dress with her date, Blake.

Now I wonder if Allegra had fun at the Prom.  

Making and Recording Memories

When I think about how my time is spent, it is amazing to me how little of it remains after personal and family interests and needs are addressed.  It is a good thing that there is such a thing as eternity; for there seems to be too little time to pursue all the interests that fill the imagination in one short mortal lifetime.  My ambitions speed far ahead of my actual performance.  One of my ambitions, which I have had for many years now, is to organize childhood pictures and memories for each of our five children.  It looms large in my mind, which may explain why I've not yet done it.  Well, not completed it at any rate.  Once again I am plunging into an effort to actually accomplish this labor of love.  Son Ben is now my focus.  Piecing together his childhood brings to my mind a rush of memories.  If I am not careful, a little melancholy can also slip in as I acknowledge that those precious years of his childhood are forever over.  Never again will I feel his little-boy arms around my neck or feel his childish concern for my welfare.  I make my mind focus on what he has become.  That also is pleasing to me.  And so my efforts at completing this memory trip continue; hopefully this time they will reach a point that I can call finished.

We celebrated March family birthdays this past Sunday.  Our goal is to make of our monthly local family get-togethers a time of celebration and also a time of learning together and growing in unity.  We organized a more structured family Sunday this time, which included a Family Home Evening lesson, birthday celebration, songs, a game and scripture chase for the kiddos.  I'm hoping that we can make our time together memorable for the children.  I wish we were a family that expressed more outward emotion and feeling, but, to a person, we seem not to be.  I don't know how to create more openness since I'm not good at it either.  But there is plenty of love to share, and good times.

I went to a luncheon with fellow high school girls yesterday.  It is surprising to me how many of them I don't know.  We had a big class.  But it was fun to visit and get acquainted with girls that I went to school with but didn't know well at the time.  Seeing them brings to mind how quickly a lifetime passes by.  It seems such a short time ago that we were girls with big dreams for the future.  Isn't it interesting how often dreams must be altered as we go along.  If nothing else, life on earth teaches the value of being adaptable and light on our feet.  I think of that more often now that we are giving up our dream house and moving, once again, into the unknown.  Of course I am also keeping in mind that this change may take awhile...

Daughter Jessica turned 43 March 6th.

My March birthday boys:  James turns 14 on the 28th;
 Ben will be 35 on the 24th.  

Here I am with the train monument unveiled on Mission Ave.
in Fremont.  It was created and paid for by friend Lila Bringhurst.

Since late December I have embarked upon a regular, more vigorous, exercise program.  I took my weight and measurements at the beginning, planning on rechecking both each month.  Of course I am hoping for measurable improvement.  So I re-measured last week.  Guess what.  Nothing has changed!  Same weight. Same measurements.  I find that just a bit discouraging.  But I plan to persist in my efforts awhile longer.  Maybe next month will bring a better result.  Here's hoping.

Our week was filled with other activities as well; dinner for missionaries, dinner with neighbors and friends Ernie and Bev Trutner, another trip to Ben and Jessica's to help organize their new home, an unveiling of a train monument, placed in Fremont by friend Lila Bringhurst, hiking and tennis with daughter Audrey...and so it goes.  Minutes, hours and days are filled with a collection of activities and events that are mostly pleasing and mind-expanding.  I'm grateful for that.

Rain

It has been decidedly dry here all winter.  I planned to plant a few more plants in the fall so they would have the winter to be watered by nature.  But what do you know?  Nature hasn't watered us at all.  Well, a couple of sprinklers showed up, separated by lots of blue sky.  So, I haven't planted anything.  Since we are leaving, maybe I won't.  Now that it is March, we finally had a first of the season heavy storm.  It rained almost all day on Thursday and it was wonderful.  Puddles actually appeared in the yard and on the driveway.  A beautiful rainbow filled the sky as well.  I love the rain!  Its presence seems to assure us that, at least for another year, we will be nourished.

Our friends the Crawfords took us out to dinner and a dance performance Thursday night.  Cathy Crawford is a genius at getting free stuff.  She had free certificates for the restaurant and free tickets for the performance.  The whole evening was absolutely free!  The eating was good.  The dance performance was put on by a latin group which promised to have lots of latin rhythms and style.  It turned out to be some latin rhythms and some noise with dancers that were athletic but disjointed and a bit too interpretive for my taste.  Their dancing seemed to reflect a mild hostility between the girls and guys.  My vision of partner dancing is a couple gracefully coming together in a blend of opposite movements that express the union of the sexes in harmony and beauty.  None of that here.  I was disappointed.  We all were.  But the evening in general was fun.  I celebrate such events as we don't experience them very often.  I hope that, with our new commitment to dating, we will have more evenings out.  They are such fun!

Part of the rainbow that followed our storm.

Timothy, the newly baptized boy.

One of the sights on our weekly hikes, in a park close by.

Ben's Jessica, mother of 6 and moving into another home in Palo Alto.
She looks pretty calm for a woman with hugh amounts to do, doesn't she?

I spent time with son Ben and his Jes again, helping organizing their new place.  It was fun to be with them both and to feel like I was genuinely making things better for them.  Son Reed baptized their fourth son on Saturday.  Timmy was baptized amidst lots of family.  It was a lovely time, followed up by a pizza party at Reed and Dorothy's house.  And so our time goes by, with me making too little progress on the various projects I hope to accomplish this year.  Why am I such a starter and not a finisher?  Sometimes I don't understand myself and just feel frustrated with me.